Where did I go?

[CazO46]

I'm having one of those moments when you think...why me? I know I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself and maybe today that's just how I feel. From a rough childhood I've work so hard to achieve things in my life. Job I love, lovely kind husband, 2 great kids, house etc. But now at just 46 my health is failing me and I feel a bit cheated . I can't work, we will have to sell our house and I miss the purpose and routine of work and my friends. I don't recognise the woman looking at me in the mirror, she's not me 😢. I'm afraid for the future. Thanks for reading X

[fauxartist]

I sooo hear you Caz046, ..... I did the same the other day....I looked in the mirror and saw an aging woman I didn't even recognize..... and it just isn't fair when my heart is young and I want to finally do something with my life. Like you....as we have talked about going through some of the same stuff....life happens when we were not expecting to get hit between the eyes by it. You do have every right to feel the blues some days girl....cause we worked hard, as you said, over came a lot from our childhood, and it seems like just a cruel joke that we don't get an easier ride for a while. But we do have a lot of good support to pull us back up eventually....the cloud is gonna pass...you know it is...your gonna survive this somehow. Hang in there friend....I hope you find some relief and feel better...

[CazO46 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much, you always say such kind and helpful things ❤️ Sometimes life just isn't fair and I know I'm not alone, it's just painful at times. I need to hold onto the belief that things will get better and try and not let the fear in. Thanks again xx

[fauxartist in reply to CazO46]

from my own experience...big change is scary at first until you make up your mind your gonna sort this crap out somehow...even with weekly debilitating cluster migraines and nausea....on my own...I had to empty out my home of 20yrs....sell everything...downsize to a fraction of what I had....and sell my beloved home I worked on every inch inside and out. I thought it would kill me....but I did it....Caz046....if I had not done that then...I would not be here where I am now....I'm in a really good environment now....your clan are there for you woman....stop feeling guilty because you are not who you used to be....everyone will adapt just fine....be good to you....you are loved....and have support at home and here...and just keep putting it out here....keep talkin....workin through it like I do...it's sometimes the best we can do...and it's okay...it's all good....I actually help my partner cope with our limitations if sometimes I just stop and take care of myself...then they don't worry about me so much...and they have the freedom to get some stuff done instead of checking on me when I'm sick....then I don't feel so bad about my limitations either.

[CazO46 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks fauxartist, I feel like you really understand. Among other health problems I too have debilitating migraines , never had one before until 6 months ago, happens several times a day every day.. Awful 😢 Thanks for all your support 🌻❤️X

[fauxartist in reply to CazO46]

oh yeah....every week for me too my friend...it started pre menopausal and never stopped....was better for a while...now it's back like the monster that wouldn't die. Like you...I swear I just want to get better...it's sooo frustrating....so when I do get a few hours of relief it's like someone pushed away this big thick heavy black cloud that weighted a couple tons off my head....we will survive.....we have to....

[CazO46 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks I feel like you are metaphorically holding my hand and pulling me through the thick mud I was sinking in xxx

[fauxartist in reply to CazO46]

yep..and not lettin go...I can empathize....I know your a strong women who has had the wind knocked out of her sails....your just waiting for a good strong breeze to lift you back up....we struggle harder now....but keep fighting...and remember all the hard work you've already done in this life....they are right there with you....we are survivors...

[CazO46 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much xxx

[Kimberlyla]

Hi, I’m new here, but reading what you wrote, feels like you just described me. I’m going through the same thing with health issues, & I too don’t recognize the “me” I used to know . I too have 3 great kids married to a really good guy. I get really frustrated with the same thing as you, the why me feeling & also feeling cheated. I know others might think it’s really hard to explain to others without them thinking, your just having a feel sorry for yourself moment. If you want to talk anytime please message me. xo

[CazO46 in reply to Kimberlyla]

Thanks kimberlyla, I used to be really active and work full time but now I can barely get out the house. It makes me so sad and sometimes angry that this has happened. I'm dreading the upheaval I will have to put the kids through as we will have to move to a smaller, cheaper house. I miss my old life, I don't think I appreciated it enough but you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Thanks for the post and I'll keep in touch, good to know I'm not alone xx

[Hidden]

Hi caz,

same here, used to be social and had good job...

Some days feel it more than others. Some parts of it are a blessing. Because in a way I placed too much on work and it’s good I’ve got to spend time not thinking work is the most important thing in life.....I see another perspective ....so there’s some good, but like you, some days I think why me....I’m sure we are bound too, we have entered a totally different way of living...

Bank holidays especially affect me for some reason.

All good wishes to you 🌺🌺🌺🌺 xx

[CazO46 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Olivia40, I agree work has been a large part of my identity and self esteem and I'm going to have to find a new me not based on work. I keep thinking I can put this off until I feel better but that day doesn't come so need to think about who I am today xx