Where do I begin? Ideas?

Hi all. I don't know where to begin. I'm looking for help, and I'm not really sure how to find it. I need to talk to a professional in person. I think I've figured out that much. I'm out of control. What's going on in my head is causing me to spiral downwards, and it's going to hurt everyone else around me. I have a lot of people counting on me, and the thought of that actually makes things worse.

The (what I assume is) depression has crippled me. It's affecting my work, my relationships, and worst of all, my children.

I'm tired. Tired of feeling nothing one day, then hopeless the next. I'm tired of putting on the mask for everyone when I've felt dead inside for who knows how long. I'm tired of not being able to wrap my head around this, and figure it out. I can't clearly articulate what's going on in my own.head, which of course, makes it worse.

I feel alone, but that's my fault. I feel ashamed of myself, embarrassed. I find it impossible to talk to friends and family. I'm at a crossroads, and I'm trying desperately to make decisions that are healthy for my daughters and myself.

12 Replies

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  • I understand, I put on this image when my spouse comes home, but I feel anger because I cannot just act the way I feel, if that makes sense. I dont want to pretend everything's ok, when i feel unglued at the seems, my head hurts constantly, hard to sleep, and always feeling unsure about what I feel. I don't know how to help you but I can say you are not alone.

  • Baby as you said YOU are not alone. And I am so heart broken for us all. We do not deserve this at all and there is a cure but they won't give up the money they are making from us

  • Hi depression isn't something to be ashamed of these days as it is very common. It's not your fault you have it and it is not a weakness in you. It can strike anyone no matter what their circumstances.

    What you need to do is seek help. You can see your doctor and maybe some meds and/or counselling can help you, or you can decide on the self help route ie mindfulness etc.

    Many people come out of depression on their own but why suffer needlessly when help is available? You might not be able to. If you don't seek help then nothing will change.

    If you broke your leg for example, would you be embarrassed and try and tough it out without treatment? No of course you wouldn't. Mental health issues are the number 2 reason why people visit their doctors and they have heard and seen it all. Make that appointment.

  • I think knowing you have a problem is half the battle solved. I would not be so hard on yourself though you've made it this far. You already know what you should do Inside your mind witches to talk to someone in person professionally and they can help you on the right path even with medications. What I do know is life is tough and since everything is on your shoulders and there are people counting on you you need to give yourself a break and look in the mirror and tell yourself you're only human you can only do what you can do your one person and no one is perfect. Most days I feel like you the thoughts in my mind make me want to run for the Hills but I do have teenagers and a household to support only me I take Xanax a low dose it helps and sometimes my mind still wonders and gets very lonely and sad. I think what works for me as well is when I think I can't take it anymore or go on anymore I think about my kids not having me there who will take care of them better than me and that my friend is no one no one can take care of your daughters like you because you've been doing it this whole time and you're doing a great job I will try not to worry too much and I would definitely let things go and share the load share the pressure go a little crazy sometimes and tell people how you feel don't keep yourself bottled up doll like Jesus said you are fearfully and wonderfully made and you are one of a kind and this world needs someone's like you!

  • Go see your doctor, you may benefit from some medication just until your back on track? I found the pressures of life all too much at one point too, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of complete hopelessness, I finally took myself off to the doctors, I swallowed my pride and told him everything, best thing I ever did, not only did it feel good to let it all out, I got some medication to give me a little boost till I was strong enough to cope, make an appointment, don't suffer in silence, there's no need to battle on alone xxx

  • I think of myself as a big joke, and it is my fault. Maybe my husband's sister is right- I am just a dumb little girl, and my brother is right I am not real. If only my friends knew everything about the real me.

  • OMGOSH! No no no. Next time take your pain and wrap it up in a very deserved MOON. Get it. Try that it will feel soooo much better

  • Tell that b to kiss it. Are you having a very funny visual

  • If this is for gogo girl I appreciate the post, but I am not getting any more chipper about this.

  • Seek help! You are so very worth it! You are unique and special, and deserve to be happy and healthy - not just for your children, but for yourself, too! I hid my anxiety for years and it developed into depression. But, I finally told someone and I am so glad I did. I have taken some backwards steps because I let my guard down and stopped doing all the little things that worked for me. So, I am trying to redevelop my self help tactics to get myself back on track. The first thing I did was call the private, self help line at work. It was easy to talk to that faceless voice. They led me to a therapist who I saw for a short period of time when I was undergoing life-saving surgery. A turning point for me last year was when I started seeing a new family doctor. About twenty minutes into my very first visit with him, and he said, "You are very sad! What's wrong?" I was shocked that my supposed façade to hid my feelings was actually very paper thin! So, I simply started using Google to search for therapists in my area. I researched a lot and read about each one. I found an angel of a lady who specializes in anxiety, has 12 years experience, and works for a family-oriented, Christian organization. She has been a lifesaver and has helped me tremendously. I am picky about who I share my disorder with, but I am able to talk to people, tell them what I suffer with, and tell certain people when I am having a bad day. Most importantly, I am able to tell my life partner of 31 years when I am struggling, which has helped her to better understand me and help me. I also feel comfortable sharing with close family and friends. Best wishes and many hugs to you.

  • You're on the right track. Go see someone (a therapist) and see what they say/think. It's important to get a professional opinion and then go from there.

  • Oh sweetie I know your pain. Please know you are not alone. There is no cure for what we have but meds can help but most importantly is to have people in your life that understand. After taking Chantix and actually feeling normal. It makes me wonder if anti depressants keep us from a great life. If there is something out there that will actually help and they don't market it it seems to me they, whoever they are, want to make a profit off of us. It there is an actual decent doctor out there that will explore an actual cure for us please do

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