I Don't Want to Go?

[Lindsay478]

Whenever I am at home and there are plans made for later in the day, my anxiety starts gradually and keeps building and building until the moment that I have to leave the house.

Today, for example, I'm working from home. I was invited to a Retirement Party that starts at 5:30 p.m. I was feeling sluggish and anxious before Noon, then I was so anxious, I had to lay down, and now I am feeling ill and thinking that I just won't go.

I don't know when this is real (that I really don't want to be there) or when it is because of the anxiety (that I just want to give in to the torture of feeling this way).

I avoid making plans all the time for this very reason.

[jkl5500]

This article may be of help:

psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways...

[Lindsay478 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you

[jkl5500 in reply to Lindsay478]

It may be that the cause of your distress is a little of both reasons. We develop the habit of fear when preparing for a social event, which is trouble all by itself. Then, maybe, the event wouldn't be too interesting even if you were OK, so you just figure "Forget it!" and stay home.

[Hidden]

I do the very same thing. Sometimes it's because of my weight gain, not having clothes that fit, scared to drive very far and just wanting to be alone. I miss alot but when I need to take time out I do. I know my limits.

[knittingninja]

In my experience, it's anxiety talking. If I can breathe and push through it, many times I am glad I left the house. What I can say is that I identify with your intense anxiety around leaving home, especially later in the day.

[Hidden]

HI LINDSAY478: If you were thinking normally you would know whether you wanted to go somewhere 99% of the time. Anxiety is a monster with many heads and it seems your main anxiety is social. I know I may be wrong, but its just a guess. Please don't be offended if I got it wrong. I suffer from many different kinds of anxiety, and I am a lot older than you. So I have more experience.......robertcass

[JAYnLA]

I have the EXACT same mentality and it came up today vividly. I had to give a lecture today at 2:30PM. I worked myself up with everything you described and all I could think about for a while was how to get out of it. But I went... and guess what? It was a BREEZE once I got there and started doing my thing. The hope is that when we push through over and over, eventually our anxious brains will stop associating our engagements with threat and we will stop getting so anxious.

[Kkimm in reply to JAYnLA]

Really helpful reply

[Want2BHappy3]

I get the same way, but I talk myself out of going. I even get my daughter to run errands for me. I Have diabetes so sometimes I get Shakey n sweaty from low blood sugar, im not good at eating like I'm suppose too. Afraid of fainting

[Dutch-girl]

This is me all the time! But I'm to the point that I am lonely and just bored with life because I have no friends. So I've been pushing through and usually happy that I went. It's great that I didn't let anxiety stop me and I feel great having socialized with people instead of staying home alone. There is so much to life out there that we seem to miss out on due to anxiety telling us lies! Go for it!

[Flying2]

I am having a similar problem. It is frustrating.

[Lulububs]

Hey lindsay

Ive had this for years im 45 now and remember having it as a 18-19 years old, when we were all Goin clubbing and doin general teen things my mates would look forward to it and i would stress to point i would make meself ill!! If we had mobiles back then i would have canceled by text every time but i didnt i would go!

I would always enjoy it once i was out ?

So as ive got older it worse coz u have ur own home and husband( no kids) animals so it like my little safe haven that when im not at work it the place i can just relax.

I missed so many partys and weddings coz i wont go as i get so anxious but about 18 months ago i got very ill ( anaphalaxsis shock to tablets 5 day coma) and when i came home from hosp i decided i wasnt having it anymore! One ,i nearly died but two, i only have one life and i refuse to live it in fear and missing out!

So i false myself to go out!

Even if i have to have a sneaky brandy before to calm myself i make myself go ...

Mayb it was the nearly dying changed my view on things

[Newlife73]

I have had social anxiety for years and listening to what your saying reminds me of what happens goes through my head. I have canceled on plenty of events/friends invites because of fear/anxiety. I think it's all what we say to ourselves that freeks us out. No more though...I got a counselor this year and I am ending this because unfortunately it doesn't get better.

[Elephantlover]

I hear you. I actually have a t shirt that says "I didn't want to come ". I've found that if I keep busy beforehand so I'm not obsessing about it, and then just force myself to go, I'm usually fine once I get there. But, its still really hard to make myself go.

[Ketzel]

I get that way sometimes too. I've missed out on a lot of events that I can never get back. I'm learning how to participate in life the older I get, but it still happens sometimes. I'm telling myself that I want to live life and not just watch it go by and have regrets. I imagine some people feel sorry for me. I can't worry about what others t think because I have enough trouble keeping my own head in order. Thanks for writing this. I hadn't really thought of it in that way before.

[marheart]

A Psych told me to do the opposite of what I'm thinking. In that all too familiar situation you describe, he said you don't want to go, so go.

What's best for us is in the opposite direction of the anxiety.

I don't endorse his thinking --- just saying.