Where to Start?

[Chuupachuu]

My life has been turned upside down for the last few years. I'm 33 now and married with no children and no plans to have any. I got married and my husband and I bought a nice house together. After that I started battling with serious medical issues. We have since found out that it was all due to mold in our house. So now that we know we started to get work done on our house. Unfortunately we had contractors steal our money, then another one not finish the job. So my 4 bed 3 bathroom house is torn apart. I mean we have walls with no drywall up and rooms that are completely unable to be used. Nothing has a place. It makes trying to live a day to day life very difficult. To make matters worse, only my husband is working. I have gotten so sick that I was unable to work and even with treatment my mold detox is going to take 2 years. I went from being active and healthy to being depressed, having major anxiety issues and adhd very bad. My husband works with computers and has a good job, but I feel so useless. I'm starting to be able to do more around the house, but just the thought of everything that needs to be done to our house and not knowing where the money or help is going to come from is just unbearable. I feel like we are drowning in things that need to be done and we just keep getting further and further behind.

I was active and healthy and used to feel good about myself. Now I've put on weight and I don't exercise. My house is a mess AND needs major work we can't afford. My life for the last few months has just been sleeping a lot then getting up, taking care of my dogs sometimes ( otherwise my husband has been doing it all), sometimes showering and dressing. Then spending the rest of the day eating and watching tv ( and secretly hating myself for doing it). I feel like I've fallen such a long way.

I have absolutely no friends. No one really to talk to. I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but he has got to be getting fed up with being the only one doing anything around the house.

I have a therapist I can talk with and I see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately because of all the toxic mold that has built up in my body I can't take antidepressants and a bunch of medicine to help. Though I do have meds to help with the adhd - and that DOES make a big difference. But I need some people to talk to. I know I should be eating healthy and showering and dressing each day to start my day off right, but my bathroom is a mess and nothing has a place. I wake up dreading the day.

I don't know where to start. My therapist tells me I need a routine. I know I do. But I just can't seem to commit to anything. I feel so overwhelmed by what needs to be done. But if I don't start doing it, it will never get done.

How do I start? Any suggestions?

I Logically know what I should be doing. I should start by making small changes to my day and building from there. Taking bad habits out and putting in good habits instead. I need accountability and a schedule.

Are there any online groups or a website that has good information on a "How to Change your Life?"

[4woody]

Well it sounds like you have been given sound advice on the “what to do”. It’s the “how” that is still to be determined. This is the most helpful forum I’ve found so far. Most, if not all, people here know life sucks. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. Your case sounds like a lot right now, none of it of your making. Have you ever heard of a book titled “How To Not Give a F**k”? My son read it when his life was seriously on the skids. He tells me it was a big help for picking a direction and moving that way little by little. That 2 or 3 years ago. He’s in a much better place in many ways. If you want someone to whom you can be accountable I am willing to serve. I can’t tell you what to do. I can ask you if you did what you said you would. I will not shame you when you are not able. I will never scold you. The choices are yours to make. And they are yours to change.

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

I just made an account here and I’m hoping this is genuinely supportive.

[Chuupachuu in reply to 4woody]

Thank you for the response. I just posted something else regarding the Buddy System. I do find that there is a lot of great advice and caring, kind, understanding people here. The only thing I don't like is that I could just sit on the computer reading everyone's posts all day long and then the day is gone and I've gotten nothing done and nothing has changed. I haven't been on here too much or looked around too much. Is there a group on HealthUnlocked that deals with goal setting?

[4woody in reply to Chuupachuu]

I haven’t seen a goal setting category, I haven’t looked for one either.

[4woody in reply to Chuupachuu]

You could sit and read this forum all day. It is your choice. Have you heard of the book “How to Not Give a F**k”? My son told me about it.

I could eat a bowl of ice cream, gain weight and continue to feel awful about myself. It’s my choice. I could eat ice cream and shame myself for doing so. It’s my choice. I hold all the cards. I can eat a bowl of ice cream and accept that I don’t always make the best choices. I’m human. I love ice cream. Being human and loving ice cream are two very acceptable things. Neither are cause for condemnation. I just take responsibility for my choices and refuse to shame or condemn myself for them. I will be the one living with today’s choices tomorrow. I will live better with compassion for myself. I won’t really live at all if I live under self condemnation or shame.

[Hidden]

Commitment when you’re struggling with mental illnesses and disorders is extremely hard, and I say this because I suffer from multiple disorders. Even if you commit to something and see it through, there’s really no real satisfaction.

Different things work and don’t for everyone. If anyone can share tips of their own, it’d be great.

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

would you be willing to revise your remark to say that For me, eveb if I commit to something and see it through, I really don’t experience satisfaction.????

As you said, different things work for different people.

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

For sure, I feel like even if you take up something, anything, eat healthy, be a bit more mindful, get exercise, wake early or something more related to work or relationships, I feel like you do the work, you get there, and then you find something else. Because in my experience it’s always something else.

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

I think I see what you are saying. Even if no one says anything, we will always see something else to work at or towards?

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

Yeah. Let’s say we have that partner, we buy that thing, we have that house, it’s always now what? And you’re just chasing and finding more things to chase. I feel like this is a completely different conversation too

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

it is. Can we just stop chasing... be content?

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

Do we?

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

I think we can... i can only do me

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

If you can share how you do it, perhaps I can draw some insight

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

Now we seem to have come back to what I was saying to chupachuu in the beginning. How is the hard part. Choice is a great freedom and a great responsibility. When I really accepted both sides I was able to use the freedom more wisely. Enjoying the freedom and the responsibility increases as I practice contentment. Contentment is also a choice. It is not about my circumstances. Accepting my failures instead of shaming myself is vital. Once I feel bad about myself, I make poor choices. I'm going to fail and I'm going to succeed. Hooray for my successes! Grace for my failures.

[Hidden in reply to 4woody]

Hooray for my successes, grace to my failures, I’m gonna remember that

[4woody in reply to Hidden]

hooray! that's one success for you right there.

[Ubud2021]

Hi 👋

I’m sorry that all this is happening! That’s insane to me that it will take 2 years to detox! I had no idea that mold was THAT bad! Ugh. So where do you live? Do you live somewhere where you can apply for financial help?

Going from being a very active, healthy person to a non active person definitely affects your life in more ways than people think. Especially, when you don’t have much of option due to health issues. AND no motivation. You wish someone had a switch they could just turn on and then it would all be back to normal. I’m in this situation as well. I have been here a few times before. It sucks because you felt so good and healthy when you were active, but now you feel pretty ashamed that your not doing that anymore. It’s a struggle!

I notice myself, that when I’m in a messy area, I can’t think clearly. It makes me anxious, can bring depression, and overall feeling of defeat. Because I feel like I never know where to start either. I have adhd as well. So when I used to try to clean, I’d do one thing, then see another and start on that and abandon the project i was working on before. The cycle was never ending! Before I knew it, I was exhausted, had half finished projects and nothing was actually cleaned. So I started a system. The first thing I would do, was write down if I wanted to work on the lower level of my house, or the top level. So that gave me my first sense of direction. I only have 3 different rooms downstairs. So, then, I would decide which room I wanted to work on first. You can choose by which room drives you the most crazy, the one that’s least dirty (for a simple start) or just randomly pick one. So I would write down which room I was going to clean, under which floor. Then make a list of things that needs to be done in that 1 room. And go down through the list. -A cleaner environment will help with thinking more clearly, not feeling so lost, anxious and depressed. I understand there are certain things that you cannot clean up, or things you can’t control like no drywall on the walls, and so forth. But finding some motivation to clean just 1 room, will help you have something to keep your mind busy, help you not feel like only your husband is doing the work, is great exercise, and will relieve some stress. It helps me at least.

I hope you find some relief soon! 💕

[Chuupachuu in reply to Ubud2021]

Thank you! That was a VERY helpful reply. It actually gave me some great ideas. I changed my life and turned things around a years ago when I had a friend who was working on similar goals. Having someone else to talk with was very helpful and did a lot for accountability. I've felt pretty isolated since all of these health issues began.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Chuupachuu]

Oh good! I’m so glad it could help! Having people to talk to about things (besides your therapist-haha) is so nice! And yes, I understand feeling isolated with health issues. I have quite a few going on right now as well. It almost feels impossible to do the things you would like to do. You should definitely keep us updated on when you start this new chapter! I would love to know what you come up with that helps you (:

[Hidden]

It’s a lovely point you make. Contentment is not an end result. It’s a practice. It’s a choice.

[utep99]

We are here to talk anytime you need us. We are one large family and have been where you are at. Start with the state attorneys Generals Office. They have strong laws and will find your crooks get you money and send them to jail. They are great at what they do!