Telling family/friends about my depression

[katiebug12]

After many years of battling depression and never admitting it to myself, I needed to get help but it only continued to get worse and worse. I felt like I didn't want to tell anyone close to me how I was feeling because I didn't want them to worry about me. I felt like nobody cared to ask how I was doing or if I was feeling okay but I never necessarily opened up about those things either.

I lived at home for a while with my mom and step dad and I'd go to school, work, come home, go straight to my room, never talked much to anyone. No "how was your day?" "how is school going?" or "what are you doing this week?" etc. I was often feeling alone or like nothing I did mattered. I struggled in college and I pushed my way through each semester, retaking classes often and hoping to make it out alive. I always felt like nobody understood me. When my boyfriend and I started dating I started staying with him at his house more and more because i didn't like being at home. I eventually moved out of my mom and step dad's house into his house and my mom was not very happy about it. She told me I was throwing my life away and that she did not agree with what I was doing. She even tried to accuse me that she thought I was on drugs and that I didn't know what I was doing with my life. (btw, i'm drug-free) so I quickly packed my crap and left cause I no longer felt at home in my own home.

Not too long before that I would constantly come home crying because I was stressed out with school and worried because at the time I was getting sued over credit card debt. I was trying to work and make money and try to stay motivated to do good in school but everything felt like it was absolute hell.

So after a few arguments with my mom before moving out, she had many hurtful words to say to me. Eventually I told her I have been depressed for a very long time and that she was not helping. I told my dad over lunch one day about my struggle with depression and he was supportive and told me I needed to go talk to someone. However my mom did not think I needed to be prescribed medication or go see a therapist. She never wants to listen to me but instead she always wants to give me her feedback.

I have told one of my friends about everything and I told her about me taking the medication. She did not seem like she understood much but at least she still supported me and wanted me to get better.

I never told my mom about going to the doctor or the therapist. Just the other day I posted on twitter that I was thankful for therapy and she asked me over a text message why I was in therapy. I told her about the depression, once again... (like it was news to her) and her answer to that was a question to me asking "why are you depressed"... and I dont think anyone who is depressed could ever actually answer that question... if we could, wouldn't we have solved these issues?? haha my point exactly.

I feel like when I dont have my own mother as a support person and I barely see my dad enough to really talk about it, its very hard to feel like I have much of a support system at all. I dont talk about my feelings so as you can imagine my first few trips to the therapist I have cried all my makeup off every single time. But after I have let it out and told someone about my struggles, I do feel a little relieved. I dont know how to make that situation better with my mom. I wish it were easier to talk about without feeling like I sound like a crazy person. Since I moved in with my boyfriend I dont feel like she supports me anymore. I feel like I have disappointed her as a daughter and I feel like I had no choice but to live with my boyfriend where I can come home and feel loved. Many struggles recently have also left me feeling very alone without anyone to talk to. My boyfriend has watched me cry so much I dont want him to think I am unstable as a person. So many things have happened in my life lately that depression has felt its worst and I am at my weakest sometimes. Does anybody else have a way that helps you cope with your emotions or talk about your feelings while struggling depression? Does anybody relate to anything I have experienced?

Thanks for listening

Thanks for listening

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry katiebug your going through that with your mom....but here's my take on it....often parents see their children as a perfect extension of themselves or a better version of, not realizing you are perfect exactly the way you are...depression included, it's just how your wired. Like you said, there is no explanation as to why your depressed.I don't think any of us would make the choice to be depressed if we had a choice not to.

She also may be one of those parents who feel guilty like it's their fault their kid has an issue they have to get help with. Or that they did something wrong raising you but are fearful and in denial about thinking they screwed you up. All of those things could be at play with your mom. My suggestion is.....keep her out of this part of your life. She may never be able to accept that you want to go to therapy because you need to feel better.

You have to let her own her own stuff around this and be glad your smart enough to get help...your one of the lucky ones. Some day maybe you can take your mom into a session with your therapist so they can explain it all to them....but don't hold your breath....live and let live. But don't resent her for not being able to understand, just accept her, even though she can't do it for you..you can't change that....We just have to set boundaries in our lives to keep us safe. Sometimes it even means doing so even with family members who may not be able to be there for us, it may be because they don't have it to give...and that's what we have to make peace with.

[katiebug12 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks so much for your response.

I feel it is best that I do not discuss it with her, too. I guess when I had finally told her that I was getting help, I hadn't really talked to her at all and she didn't know that my depression had gotten so bad I was seeking help. So I just don't tell her anything about it and I realize that it is what it is and I should accept my mom even if she doesn't necessarily understand but I think it it made me feel like she didn't support me. Since I mentioned it to her she did bring it up again and was a little more caring towards me. Since then I have completely ignored the subject

[fauxartist in reply to katiebug12]

Well.....she does care or wouldn't have brought it up again....but sometimes we get caught off guard and need to kind of digest whats being said for a while...just know she loves you...and is processing in her own way....and let her bring it up if she wants to...Your able to share here with a bunch of people who completely understand depression in many different individual ways that everyone accepts about each other here...your in a safe and caring place...