Like a rising tide

[Shannon00444]

I guess I’m going through a rough time right now. I didn’t realize until I ventured out last night that I’ve been completely isolating so when I was out I had the worst panic attack of my life. It makes me sad to realize how much I am avoiding social situations and the general public to stay “safe.” I ended an emotionally abusive relationship and didn’t even realize how badly the relationship damaged my already fragile world. It’s difficult to live life this way and feel so odd and weird and alien and unlike everyone else. It was a rough fall/winter with my 19 year old son in and out of facilities because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Haha. And it’s hard to look him in the eye and tell him he can do this and he’s strong when I know how difficult it is for me to hold on. He’s doing ok, but in the state I am in I know it can jump up and engulf him again whenever it wants. I guess I just feel terrified for everything. Terrified for his life, terrified to live out the remainder of my own. Thanks for listening. It’s just a struggle right now and I cannot stop the tears from pouring.

[Agora1]

Shannon00444, you are not alone in your fears. Having read your profile, I want you to hang onto that confidence you have in yourself. That is what will get you through this "rising tide" you are going through right now. When negative issues happen to us in life, it may make an impact right away or surface at another time but it will always test us.

I use to think hiding from the world would make me safe. What it did was make me Agoraphobic for 5 years. And you know what Shannon? I was just as scared in my home as I was when trying to go out. The seed was planted in both of us and anxiety was the results. You have a 19y.o. son you are trying to be strong for and I have a 25y.o. Anorexic daughter. It's difficult to show strength when we live in fear for others as well as ourselves. And so we hide or think that's the answer.

The fact is, we cannot hide from the fears within us. It is with us where ever we go. It's the thoughts that need to change. We cannot help someone else if we don't help ourselves first. It's not easy but it can be done. We may not be able to change what we have been dealt in life but we can change the way we accept it. (that is what is making us scared)

Changing our way of thinking, pulling up our strengths (which is our confidence) is the way to go. but it needs to be a daily practice. I use a respite for myself daily. I meditate by listening to relaxation and deep breathing several times a day. It takes me to a place even for those 10-15 minutes where I can escape and gather up my strength. I believe in myself and you will once again too. Come on the forum whenever you need that boost from caring, supportive people who really understand what living with anxiety is like. We care.

Take time to breathe Shannon, really breathe and exhale the stresses you have. Stand tall, stay positive, you have found a safe place to come to when feeling overwhelmed and full of fear. It's going to be okay. When you need to believe in something, believe in yourself. One last thought today, look in the mirror, bring your shoulders down, take a breath and look yourself straight in the eyes and say "I've got this". xx

[Shannon00444 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for your kind and understanding words. I KNOW it’s the truth and I will read and reread and reread them until I feel their truth. ❤️

[Leenilou]

Hi Shannon. I can relate and know you are being as brave as you can right now. I too have two kids with troubles, they are 18 and 22. I have been knocked down pretty badly by anxiety and depression for at least six years. I want to be there for them, be the mom they used to know, give them one less worry, but can’t summon the strength to fake it. I admire you for making it out of an abusive relationship and have to believe you are healing, slowly. I met my husband when we were 19. We are now 53 and I think he has messed with my head for most of that time. I have self-medicated, taken dozens of prescribed meds that worked for a while and stopped, done what could to stay in a situation that has torn down my self respect and dignity. We both talk about wanting out, but he’s a bipolar narcissist and I have major depression and generalized anxiety, and neither of us have the strength to do what needs to be done to make such huge changes. I rarely leave the house. I just wanted to say you are brave for getting out. Don’t worry that it didn’t go flawlessly, just be encouraged that you took that step forward. It’s going to take time. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and just remember each day is a new day.

[Shannon00444 in reply to Leenilou]

That made me cry! I’m sorry for everything you are going through. You must be hurting so badly. Thanks for your courage and kind words. I don’t know how to manage all of the circumstances that have me melting down out there in this big world but I can only keep trying. I hope you find a time to try too. Hugs.

[SA192461]

Im so sorry Shannon00444, you truly are not alone here. This site has some wonderful people on it and we all have something in common, we’re struggling or suffering from one or many things. I’ve found that here you can feel safe & loved.🤗💕Getting ready to face a divorce head on, after 30 years..not what I ever imagined..just trying to take one day, one step at a time..that’s really all we can do. Sending much support and good thoughts to you and your son😊🌸✌🏻

[Shannon00444 in reply to SA192461]

I feel like that’s the thing. Nothing is as we imagined and everything seems so unsure now. Even just a trip to the grocery store. Haha. 🤓 I find myself wondering many times a day, what and who can I trust...and I come up with very little. It feels lonely and I’d be ok with removing myself from society if I didn’t know any better. It’s a struggle. Just can’t lose hope. A string of good days followed by a string of bad days is better than no good days at all!

[Stumblety]

God damn do I know this feeling well. Sending love and positive energy!

[Stumblety]

I can relate! Sending love and positive energy!