Dealing with a loss of a relationship

[Ruby8193]

I’m new here and am dealing with a loss of a relationship maybe call it a deep-friendship, not sure..., I met someone who took my heart by storm the feeling of this man was like finding a soul mate was so strong that I had problems with this association and fell hard. He was hired to take care of my brother but we got along on so many different levels such as music, viewpoints, and I actually felt that I was kind of cared for for the first time in my life. I’m older and I have been in other relationships but none recently and he’s a younger person but I feel like my soul left me. I called it a trifecta because he and I agreed on so much in life..like doing the right thing and doing what our parents wanted versus what our hearts want to do especially career-wise. He played piano and I sang and he sent me music and we sang and played music and I was very sick when I met him and he made sure I ate, which got my health back and I feel like he save my life in so many different ways just his spirit and his warmth and wholeness and when he left (which I knew he was leaving). I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I mean he knew I was crying and upset but he had a to go back to his job and it’s not local and he had signed papers and for all I know he has someone. We connected somewhere but like I said I’m a little older and he’s a lot younger and you know as you get older, and you feel like you’ve never met the right one for you in your life and then you meet him! Really it just doesn’t happen for you. I mean I was glad he went home because every day we were together I became more and more attached and I would’ve been heartbroken more had he found someone here or brought some in to my home or worse said to me that it didn’t matter, that it was a job (he was hired to care for my brother) but, to my surprise he cared for me as well, better than I had ever been cared for in my life and you know if you haven’t been cared for for a long time and someone brings music into your world, connects with you and really brings life to your soul again it’s really hard to look away, But he had to go back, he said- to his country and he has a job there and family there and God knows what else, I mean he could have children, a wife....Maybe it wasn’t anything to him emotionally but to me it was like finding life again, yes, it job for him probably wasn’t any kind of relationship, if could just be that he met this older woman that he felt he needed to comfort and care for while he was being paid to take care of her brother. He was just a caring guy and I was just an older person that needed some support but I wish I had never let him hug me and hold me and he promised to be back in and I don’t do not long distance very well. He did reach out to me twice this week, but never responded to my text.. it’s only been less than a week not even a week but I am devastated. I know better cause I’m older, not to let your heart open but it was a trifecta I think at the warmth and caring how good it was with my brother, it was like a little angel really sent by God to save my heart and my mind because I was really really sick and I am much better in just a few weeks because of him. Also, while he was here, I choked and he saved my life there and then he save my life by helping me get back to a stronger sense of caring for myself like eating better and caring for myself more, But I’ve close the door again and have quit doing music, listening to it or trying to sing too, it it’s too painful like that it’s hard to explain but, again it has been a brutal six days and now I know that you can fall in love with somebody when you never actually really loved in your life, I was just with people but the trifecta got me and now I have to get past it and I thought I would go online to see if I could get stronger and not be so down again it’s only been under a week but I should not have let this get to me so much... i’m willing to take support of ideas on how to get over someone who is really not in my age group anyway and what to do when your heart is broken and you feel by got it ripped out. No he never told me he cared about me but he knew I was crying and that didn’t seem to change things much I was waiting for him to step up to the plate so it’s doubtful, I will never know. I have written a long text to send to him to not come back, just cause I don’t think my soul can take it, I haven’t sent yet...but I’m sure I will. In the text to him I tell him about never contacting me again but my heart doesn’t want to send it. I believe when women get older — they’re not supposed to fall in love you’re supposed to just wrap up family stuff and take care of others and do it alone and not share the burden with anyone. You just don’t think that there’s someone out there for you anymore so you just keep doing your thing and caring for the family members that you care for and you say I chose this life so I have to live in alone but it kind a got shattered when I met him so I am willing to take advice because what I am doing is not working for me.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Take it for what it was in that it was a positive connection that brought you joy. It opens up possibilities for someone else in your life. That was a break through.

[Ruby8193 in reply to Hidden]

I hope your right, as it still feels pretty sad right now. It did have an effect on me. I’m not being productive and each day, I try to start again. It was a wonderful month.

[Hidden]

wow ruby,for a start what a woderfull blog ,you've dun every thing right for your family

me and my late sis did the sme thing for ours.you are right doing so all involved go throu

emotions one way or other.my heart gos out to you things my take a turn for the better.

[Ruby8193 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your thoughts.

[KaleidoscopePicture]

Your story resonates with me. I have been divorced for nine years, and three years ago I was doing an internship where I met a man who was so easy to talk to, who shared my core values, who I found myself telling deeply personal things that it had taken me years to share with my husband. I fell very hard for him, and after my internship I cried nonstop for six or seven weeks. That was how torn and devastated I felt. I had fantasized spending my life with this man. But as time went on, I came to realize he knew a lot more about me than I knew about him, and that to be honest I really didn't know him that well. When I read your post I see some pretty major things that you really do not know about this young man. We can fall desperately hard even when if we were to take a step back we would realize we don't know them as welll as we thought. I want to share with you a book that really was quite an eye-opener for me. It is called Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram. That book has revolutionized the way I look at love and relationships. It is so good that I bought the book, and then I bought it on CD's to listen to on the radio as I drive. And I have gotten it as a gift for a number of people. I really encourage you to get it. I know it hurts terribly right now, and it will hurt for a while. It's been three years since I've seen Joe and I still miss him. But the further out from it I get, the more I realize he was not the right one for me. And if this man were the one meant for you, then some day your paths will cross again. I have often wished I would see Joe again, but I know that as I look back there were a lot of red flags which show me, it honestlly would be better if I did not reconnect with him. I really hope you will get Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram. It is available on Amazon.com.