I’m a Horrible friend. Horrible person.

[cinnamonapple89]

It’s only a matter of time before all “friends” I have leave me. I am very depressed and avoidant. I can be a friend from afar but I’m not a traditional friend. I never go out and I’m always sad. I like barely ever see my friends unless I have to (work), but it takes everything for me to go out of my way to go out with them. I stay to myself for the most part, in my apartment when I don’t have to work or going back home to see my family, because those are 2 places I feel the most comfortable and where I can kinda be myself without the judgment I think I’m getting in the back of my head from everyone. I want to be close to people but I run when I start to, because I don’t want anyone except for my therapist to know just how fucked up I really am. I haven’t had a boyfriend in years and I just keep telling myself I’m not ready to date, but throughout the years I’m just getting worse and worse as it pertains to my mental health, so I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready again. I’m almost 30 and don’t have a kid a boyfriend a husband, or a grip on reality.

[jkl5500]

All these feelings of low self-worth are standard symptoms of depression. You need to be under medical treatment for it, and I hope that you are.

[jkl5500]

I've read your other posts, and it's clear that the only horrible thing in your life is your illness. And yes, depression and anxiety are horrible! They remove all the joy of living, and fill you with every kind of negative thought, feeling and attitude.

When it's all you can do to just get through the day, and you have absolutely no energy or desire left to do anything else, you know that's not living. That's just existing. That's not how humans are meant to be. And you don't have to be that way! I just hope you are under medical treatment for your depression, so you can get this straightened out, and get back to living.

You're welcome to message me anytime. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Hidden]

Hey there, can i just say that I'm 40 and have no boyfriend, no kids, no close friends. So I don't want you to feel like you're by yourself going through this. I imagine our situations are quite different, we're 2 different people... but due to the illness I've dealt with all my life, it's like I've avoided lots of people out of paranoia / anxiety, and, i don't know, I get terribly lonely. You sound lonely too (I don't know, tho, how you are feeling) Just know I feel ya. <3 Blessings to you cinnamonapple, & hugs.

[bridder01]

I can attest to what Artist says, cinnamonapple. I'm almost 43, no girlfriend, kids and such. That's what makes this site so wonderful! This is a place to reach out and make friends with others who are going through/have been through the same things. Like Artist said, you're not alone! Not by a long shot! Whenever you're having one of those days, reach out to us! We're all here for you and we got your back

A friend if you need one,

Brian

[msweely]

Hi there...

sounds like we have a lot in common. I feel like I can't keep friends. I would rather be alone sometimes than deal with my social anxiety. I can't help but feel like my friends just keep hanging out with me out of obligation and they don't really enjoy me. I also am scared I'm going to be alone forever because of all of my issues. please message me if you feel so inclined!

[cinnamonapple89 in reply to msweely]

This kind of scares me to read because I feel the exact same way. Such a sad feeling, I wish people could just try to understand it.

[Sadmama]

Are you doing the best that you can at the moment? It sounds like you are trying your best. Don’t beat yourself up. Life does that enough all on it’s own. Just do as much as you can when you can. That does not make you a horrible person or friend.