Lost

One day everyone's going to wake up and I'm going to be gone and then everyone will realize what they've done to me

[gerg]

How does this frame of thought serve you?

[HearYou in reply to gerg]

What are you asking?

[gerg in reply to HearYou]

Well, we tend to do things for a reason and that reason is usually that it serves us in some way. If we ask how something is serving us, we can then compare it to our intent and our best interests. If I find that it is not doing what I wanted or that it is not good for me, I edit my story and save the emotion for another time.

[HearYou in reply to gerg]

Thanks.

[YoungSimba]

Hi Mike4848

I have thoughts like this too sometimes like everyone is treating me like crap right now or is mad at me. But if I died they would all be saying how much they love me and wanted to make things right. And anytime thoughts like this arise I take it as I need to reach out to those I currently have an issue with if it is this extreme because I would feel the same way if they died. I would regret the way I treated them and want to turn back time to make it right. So whoever is making you feel like this, reach out and try to fix it or talk about it. I hope this helps ❤️

[Hidden in reply to YoungSimba]

You should have used different words I will not harm myself nor anyone I'm going to work on myself and my relationship with my family

[YoungSimba in reply to Hidden]

Hi Mike4848,

I didn’t mentioned harming yourself or anyone else. I was saying it as though anyone can die from anything. Life is short. My apologies if it came off another way. But I’m glad you will be working on yourself and your relationship with your family.

[Hidden in reply to YoungSimba]

I'm sorry people normally jump to conclusions and I didn't anyone on here to think that about me old friends already look at me that way because i put myself in a mental hospital to try fixing myself

[YoungSimba in reply to Hidden]

It’s okay, no judgement here. You did what you felt necessary to help yourself and real friends would be happy with that.

[RaqXo]

Hey there.

I totally get it. You feel down. You feel like things are not gonna get better. You’re not in this alone. I feel that way as well. I feel tense,irritated and sad but also realize that you’re not alone. I think we’ve all felt this way. Just take it day by day. Do what you can do. You’re human and you are valuable regardless of what you have and don’t have. You belong here just like everyone else.

[Hidden in reply to RaqXo]

Thank you for the kind words

[Agora1]

Mike4848, I hope I'm not reading more into your post than you mean. But it does concern me as to what you mean in that "you're going to be gone". Are you safe right now?

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Just disappear no phone no note just gone I will not harm myself nor anyone

[Natsteveo]

Hi Hidden

Hi Mike sucks that your feeling this way I always used to say this about my family when i felt they didnt care?

What do you mean when you are gone im like Agora1 it worry me when I hear somebody say that please let us know how you feeling just remember your not alone we've all been there

Nat

[Hidden in reply to Natsteveo]

I'm not going to harm myself nor anyone I'm just going to up and dissaper no phone no note I will just be gone

[Natsteveo in reply to Hidden]

I had no feeling to you harming yourself or others my friend I actually thought you had a illness of some kind..please don't isolate yourself from your feelings also I spent most of my life trying to get my family to notice im here and i matter ive spent so many years trying to convince myself they loved me and I learned the hard way now I look out for my husband my daughter and now my new granddaughter they are all I need the main ones....you always find the real people that care for you and love you are the ones in front of you we sometimes forget are there...I'm not implying that's your situation as I don't know what it is your going through but don't feel alone Mike believe me your not alone we all feel what you feel in the past or the present you've come to the right place

Everyone is here for you Mike if you need to talk

Nat

[Hidden in reply to Natsteveo]

Sorry nat everyone always jumps to conclusions and I didn't want anyone on here to think I would do something like that I don't know if bipolar disorder depression or anxiety is considered a illness if it is then yes other then that I'm ok I had medical problems but have over came them for about 6 months now and just trying to figure out how to deal with it all I was in denial for years and didn't take the medicines I was prescribed but now I realize it's something that will help make my life a little easir

[Tiggerakafidgity in reply to Hidden]

Hey Mike4848.i sometimes think about just leaving phone passport bank card infant anything that can tie me to my where abouts.

You see with adhd I feel it’s so easily possible to just leave your old life and just wonder the planet.

I mean I do have to say.wow no worries.evetything lifted of ones shoulders.with adhd one can be very kind and helpful.i don’t do that to be wanted as I’m totally ok within my own skin.its just nice to help ppl that’s all,then hopefully they will be nice to some one else and boom what a wonder chain reaction.

I met this guy once in a shared house and he was an amazing chap to speak to.

I was there for about six months.

I came home from work one day.

He offered me a cuppa tea gave me the most amazing book called fairy’s in New York.basically a book about fairy’s on acid etc.ive just found the original book again so I’m gonna give it a read.any back on track.

This guy stood by the window and said.i would just like to say.”give your self 90% of time for you and give anybody else 10% instead of the other way around.

Then he walked out the door and that was the last I ever saw of him.

Well the book made me laugh that summer and wow how many ppl just didn’t call me or ask me to do anything as I just said know.

Amazing how ppl hang around to use your kindness but then drop you as a fly.shows you who are your true friends though.

Take it from me.this logical comment that this guy made totally changed my way of making my self much much happier

[HearYou in reply to Hidden]

Ah,you're going to be an invincible man. Well, sometimes taking a vacation from it all helps.

[HearYou]

Hi, Mike....Wairb makes sense and offers some very good advice. After spending some time thinking about those you felt harmed you, I hope you can find a way to let go of the anger you are investing in almost hating them. Hope you can realize maybe a few relationships could be mended when and if you reach out.

Sometimes I need some information or would like some conversation with my 5 brothers and sisters; I call one of them, who live about 900 miles away. Occasionally receive a return call.

Have always remembered birthdays, presents and visited at Christmas, called monthly even if just to leave a message, they are the only people on my facebook so I could keep up with them, cared for my very ill mother when they called me to come and then my father a few years later. I have helped two of my siblings, emotionally and financially, consistently throughout the years. None have ever asked what they could do for me or what was my situation.

Believe since I have been on my own and independent since 18, it never occurs to them I would need them.

Called all of them last week, and left messages. ONE called back for me to hear about her recovery from a surgery. I have a recent diagnosis that is requiring a surgical procedure every 6 months. My sister didn't have time to ask about me before her oven buzzer went off and she hung up.

Told my husband recently in a melancholy mood, that should I die before him, don't tell anyone, no obit in the newspaper, simple cremation, no services, etc. He is really the only family who would grieve, so keep it as basic as possible. He asked me to do the same for him except for his youngest daughter. His older daughter is estranged from him due to attitude and litany of events spanning decades. His son has not spoken with his father in decades; issues and events occurred due to his son's drug addiction included jail, theft, damage to my home and my fear of injury from him. I have no babies that survived.

I find some Monty Python humor in this......wonder how many weeks or months would pass before or if any family member calls. If any should eventually call, there will be a simple recorded message of date of death.

We have a few close friends and church members who will be privately contacted.

We have decided to stop calling our families and will be very pleased to receive their calls. We are not doing this out of anger or "get back" reasons. We are doing this to stop our disappointment caused by our over expectation of our respective families. Our family members have lives and live in worlds of their own. We have accepted that fact and sometimes do feel left out. It's just the way life is. And we are at peace with this. We are focusing on developing more friend and church relationships. The world has changed.

[Hidden in reply to HearYou]

Definitely need to get church back into my life been many years thank you for taking the time to type this to me I'm going to work on myself THANK YOU

[HearYou in reply to Hidden]

Any time. About church. No matter what I believe or don't, felt there would be some socialization there. Didn't want you to think I was pushing any religion on you.

[hypercat54]

That's a great reply from HearYou Mike. I used to feel the same way about my family - if I die or disappear then it will serve them right for not understanding or loving me in the way I needed. Then I realised I was totally responsible for my own life and the get back at them attitude was quite childish.

You need to put your own feelings and emotions first and make decisions based on that. Sometimes life is just s*** and it isn't anyone's fault even your own. It's just the way life can be and the only thing we can do is hunker down until it improves a bit.

I do hope you don't decide to just disappear. Don't forget you can't run away from yourself as you always take you along. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I understand that I control my life in that no one can change it but myself I'm just new to all off this and I'm tryng to understand everything it got to be hard for my family they hate seeing me broke down

[Hidden]

Hey Mike I’m sorry you felt that way x i hope you know you’re not alone ... we’re all always here for you ... a lot of good advice on here so i wont just repeat. Just want to show my support and hope you feel better x message any time ♥️

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I'm just going through some rough times

[Samtoby313]

My uncle killed himself back in 2009 and a friend’s daughter killed her self in 2015. Going to those funerals really changed my view. Here were people who thought no one cared but there were tons of people who came. Who cares. Who cried. Who mourned them. Sometimes in my darkest days I think of that. I think of the people who would come to my funeral and be devastated that I died. I don’t know you, but I’m sure you affect many people’s lives positively and I’m sure there would be a big void if you were gone.