Lost

I feel like I'm losing hope. This is affecting every aspect of my life. It's hard to even smile for my children. I'm tired of doctors and medications......it's just never going to end.......

[BonnieSue]

How long have you been trying out medications? Doctors? Has any medicine worked for you?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

For over 20 years. Been on many different ones. Some work for a while but they all eventually stop working.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

Well, yes, eventually. Do you get a year or 2 out of them?

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

Some yes others no.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

That's good when you get the year or 2. Not so great when you don't. Not all that unusual. What's your other options? Nothing worthwhile imho.

[Hidden]

I'm exhausted. It's all becoming too much. This is the worst it has ever been for me and it is taking over my life. Yes i go to the Dr regularly, yes i go to counseling and I always take my medication. Yet I'm still dying inside....

[Trevatk in reply to Hidden]

I feel ya. And when it's bad life just sucks all around. I've noticed, if you are open to help, that medication plus daily (yes, daily) aerobic exercise of some sort helps the most. Running is what I do but it could be anything that gets your heart beating and lungs going. Some days and weeks still suck but my best ones are when I do that.

[Music-and-art]

What can we help with? I mean a great person to vent to..... sometimes u just gotta let it go

[Hidden in reply to Music-and-art]

If it were possible to "let it go" I would have done it years ago.

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

I think maybe "let it go" might be a reference to go ahead and vent or complain all you need to. Even if it isn't, sometimes we just need to vent our frustration with this whole business... Yes!! It would be great to just get rid of our illness! Fantastic! Line up everyone and dump this in the sea! Don't you just hate dealing with the meds? Yes!! Just hate it!! When will it ever end??? Never!!! That's when!!! It STINKS!!! I HATE IT!! Well, nobody likes it, do they???

[Hidden in reply to BonnieSue]

That's exactly how i feel. It's never going to end.....

[Bird-67]

Oh you poor thing, please don't give in to this dreadful illness. I too have similar thoughts to you when medication stops working. I have had several different antidepressants in the 31 years I have been taking them but they only help with the depression but not the anxiety.

I think joining this forum will be good for both of us. Chin up.

[Hidden in reply to Bird-67]

Thank you. Praying for you!

[Heather0714]

I know that feeling of being lost! Is there something that brings these feelings on more often than others? When we have a family to care for, sometimes we become lost because we are always putting them first.

[Kobojunkie]

you say you are loosing hope, hope in.what? maybe by confronting the reason you can move past this level in the search.

the bottom line when.it comes to depression, anxiety and panic attacks included, is that our minds yearn to gain control of the outcome of our every one of our actions, and the actions of others by the way. We tend to have a harder time coping with not being in control and so we sometimes give in to fear and hopelessness.

i sort of think of depression in terms of enlightenment these days, kind of like a multi-level game, only in this case we don't have much of a choice on whether to play or not to play as it seems our survival depends to a great deal on playing and winning.

Everyday we are faced with challenges (fears, stresses and uncontrollable situations) and depending on the way we respond, we either win and move up a level or we remain stuck at the same level. when we try to quit playing, we are thrown back down to the very beginning to start over but those who mastered the tricks for each level prior can easily rise back up to the last level before the fall.

Each level of the game tests our ability to accept that which is beyond our control, our ability to "let go", learn to "live and let live", work through "irrational fears", love ourselves, and look beyond the now when it comes to stress or drama. This is just a short list of course. The more we excel at each, the stronger we become and the more we take back our life from the game master(S). Of course 😊 we also move up a level in enlightenment.

so fellow enlightenment seeker, you say you are loosing hope, I ask, what is it that you are loosing hope in? And for what reasons?

[Karenssister in reply to Kobojunkie]

I enjoyed reading your response. I think your insight into "life" was spot on.

I often say I get worn out with the dealings of it all. Life is hard, Scott Peck was correct in the road less traveled.

The process of it and your ability level up! Or go back to step one and start over. That's the crusher of hope. Dealing with it when it rears it ugly head.

Dealing with abandonment, abuse verbally or physically. Sometimes unrealistic expectations, not feeling good enough. Etc Finding help and some self knowledge. It's all a process.

So I guess for myself and some others it's extremely hard to know there is "hope" when your in the middle of a down swing, anxiety and depression.

[Bubbles0 in reply to Karenssister]

I think even when hope feels remote, we should rely on an inner faith that hope is always underneath the emotional turmoil. Our feelings come and go, but certain truths stay. By relying on this faith, we can get through this difficulty.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Karenssister]

I think it is a mistake to seek "hope" when in.the middle of a down swing. I say this because all the times,in the past, I had tried to find "hope" to pull me out of "down swings", the depression seemed to get worse as if the more hope i yearned for, the deeper down the hole i fell, nd the more inadequate i felt.

However, when i found myself in a "down swing" this last time, rather than search for "hope", i instead sought to understand how i got to that point, and worked to accept that i was there at that level and that it was Ok for me to be there, no matter what the world expected of me instead I spent an entire month on my couch doing a lot of self examination, to understand myself, sulking, crying at times and then watching tv. By convincing myself that it was ok for me to be where i was, i was able to overcome two of the many symptoms of depression...guilt/shame and the feeling of being useless/thinking i was better off dead.

Next thing i knew was I left the house one day and went straight to my doctors office to ask for help(even though I no longer felt guilt or useless, i was of course still depressed cause i still had the many other symptoms to deal with). I checked into the ER from there and began my journey to recovery.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you. I feel like I'm at the point, or close to it, of needing to check myself in. My days are getting darker...I feel like I'm in quick sand with no one to help pull me out.

[Bubbles0 in reply to Kobojunkie]

I really enjoyed your post. I think sometimes depression can be very severe and we need medicine to assist. However, sometimes depression can be mild and we can use correct life promoting thinking to get us over the hump. Whenever we feel lost or low in self esteem, we need to realize our mind is becoming delusional and side tracking us. We need to practice patient acceptance, forgiveness and kindness to get us through.

[Hidden in reply to Bubbles0]

Very well said! So many people do not understand how severe this disease is. There are many days I cannot make myself leave my dark room. I am so blessed to have a supportive husband who truly tries to understand. This disease can be very traumatizing!

[Bubbles0 in reply to Hidden]

Definitely. I totally understand your point of view. That's why we have to be extra vigilant about our condition and put our health first. And realize all the other life pieces come under our taking care of our health. Often times I feel bad about life choices, and feel bad that I am not as successful as I would have liked. Then I realize i have the extra burden of my mood disability to contest with; and then just gently accept myself with forgiveness. And try to extend help to others with the same condition helps to empower ourselves.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Bubbles0]

that is where selftherapy comes in. yes, behavioral changes are necessary in all cases. I am not against seeing an outside therapist but i believe more in selftherapy. Until we are honest with our own selves, face our own fears and shortcomings , i don't think we can really change for better. We can do it because someone else tells us to. But many revert back to their old ways as soon as that person is out of the picture or situations change. Not until we are truly convinced of a need for change can we successfully make it happen. That is why I suggest selftherapy.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

That may work for you, and I'm glad it does, but it's not for everyone. It's not always about facing fears and shortcomings. Remember you never know what someone else's struggles are. I was molested as a child by 3 separate people who were suppose to love me, even had a gun put to my head at 11 and I was raped at 19. Then abused in every way by my child's father, rejected by my mother my entire life because I'm a girl......i could keep going..... tell me how self therapy will help me...

[Kobojunkie in reply to Hidden]

I am sorry to read of what you has to go through but i believe selftherapy is exactly for a person in your case too.

As I said, I am not against people seeing an outside therapist but I do know that in the end, it is all up to you on whether you will make changes necessary for you to heal/overcome or not. And that is where selftherapy comes in.

By simple exercise of looking yourself in the mirror, as often as you need to, and being as honest as you can, no matter how much it hurts, you can learn to forgive self, accept that your past is what it is and the future is not yet written,meaning you can decide how it turns out by your choices today.

I talk to myself a lot. I stare my reflection straight in the eye and talk out the issues i.may have from.all possible angles until i get comfortable and eventually convince myself of any behavioural changes I need to make and then proceed to do it.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you for your suggestions. I hope to be able to get to that point.

[LonelyBailey]

All i can say is I understand and keeping a gratitude journal has helped me some. I'm sorry.

[Missdaisy521]

Please do not feel like giving up and you have no hope. I thought depression and anxiety would have a hold of the rest of my life. Until I reached out to my religion. I'm not asking you to believe in God if you don't but I can honestly say he has made a difference in my life. Slowly, my anxiety is going away. I turn towards God for everything and I think he can heal you too. You just have to believe. I will be praying for you and thinking of you. Don't lose faith!