This is tough for me, I'm not good at socializing or asking for help. A little background: I have lived with depression and anxiety as long as I can remember. When they flare up it can render me paralyzed. I have been hospitalized twice as an adult for these conditions.
I know the root of my GAD and MDD are definitely genetic and environmental. I have numerous triggers. SSRIs only added to my issues. The second time I was hospitalized I met a wonderful psychiatrist who saw through my B.S. as unfortunately I tend to try to paint a rosy picture when speaking to medical professionals. He kept me there for 5 days instead of the 72 hours. He listened to my concerns about SSRIs and found a good alternative for me with Remeron. He also kept me on Xanax for the anxiety. I continued to see his wife who is a certified mental health r.n. I can't thank these two enough for helping me get through a horrible time in my life. I haven't needed to see them for nearly 5 years.
I also have a form of rheumatoid arthritis that plays into all of this. I was under the care of a pain management doctor for a few years. However, I made a choice to stop the cycle of pain meds.
Currently I am off of all narcotic pain meds and the Xanax. I found that with my family history of alcoholism and drug abuse, I was traveling down a dark road and I needed to clear my head. I have not needed the remeron for roughly 3 years. My family practice doctor has prescribed lyrica for my pain, and it works incredibly well, and I know I'm not going to end up leaving my daughter without a mom.
I have made large transitions since my last hospitalization. I quit my job in education, music teacher, after a 13 year stint. It was the best decision I have made in a very long time. I found with teaching elementary music, all the programs and shows that were expected triggered my anxiety. I am now with a major retail company and enjoy my job immensely. I am up for a promotion and I am finding myself anxious and scared. I am worried that if I get this promotion that I am somehow going to fail my manager and store. I so want this promotion and I need help to overcome this stupid, nagging, fear of failure. So I googled depression and anxiety support and found this group. There is a ton more to the story, but today is just an introduction.