New to the group!!

[ShannonLovesDogs18]

Hello,

I'm new to this group. So here is a little about me. I'm 41, I have 3 daughters twins who are 19 and away at college and a 15 yr old. I am divorced. I've been suffering from anxiety, and depression for 14 yrs and social anxiety for 6 yrs. I've had 4 unsuccessful back surgeries that has left me unable to work, which really was the thing that put me over the edge. Now my days are filled with caring for my animals, pain pills, xanax, lexapro, seraquil and lots of sleep. I have huge trust issues so I usually push everyone away. I have overdosed twice , once I ended up in ICU with a breathing tube. (Not on purpose) Its very easy for me to take pills and forget what I took, or just think I can get thru the day faster by sleeping. I've been hospitalized 5 times for panic attacks. So there's a little about me!!! Happy to be in this group.

[BonnieSue]

Welcome to this site! There are many people here who understand what it's like having depression and too much anxiety. I'm sorry to hear that your back surgeries have been unsuccessful. That has got to be very, very frustrating and discouraging. It makes me want to scream so I can only imagine what it makes you want to do!

I've never heard about someone being hospitalized for panic attacks. What did they do for you while you were hospitalized?

Just a thought that might be useful: Maybe if you put what pills you've taken only for today on a piece of paper to keep track of them then you wouldn't overdose on them? You would start with a new piece of paper every day. This is the only way I could keep track of my carb and protein grams when I had weight loss surgery even though it seems so simple a thing to do, it isn't when you're busy and get interrupted and run around doing errands and appointments all day. I just kept a simple piece of paper and a pen handy and wrote down each bit of food as I ate it. Simple, I know, but it worked.

I encourage you to have your pills on a schedule and to keep that schedule. Get a pill container and take the pills at their right times and you will do better. I hope you and your doctor resolve your sleep problems and you start doing much better.

Blessings...

[ShannonLovesDogs18 in reply to BonnieSue]

I was hospitalized because my heart rate was so high and blood pressure went way up. This was at the beginning of me finding out I had anxiety, so naturally when you don't know what it is and you feel like you can't breath you panic. My husband at the time call for ambulances, until the 5th time when they figured out it was anxiety related.

[BonnieSue in reply to ShannonLovesDogs18]

Thanks for explaining the hospitalizations to me. They makes sense now that I have the facts behind them. It's strange that more hospitalizations don't occur considering the blood pressures and heart rates involved. What do you think about either of my ideas to keep track of meds taken so you don't forget and take too many because you said it's easy for you to forget what you've taken?

[Hidden]

Hi Shannon

Very sorry to hear about your many struggles & it having gone on for so long.

I can relate.

I have never been hospitalized, sorry you went through that, must've been very harrowing experience, glad you came out of it ok.

I live with a chronic autoimmune disease RA also intermittent lupus & am in virtually constant pain 24/7 which exacerbates my depression, anxiety, panic disorder.

I also find refuge in my pets I love them deeply & caring for them heals me in a way & gives my life a sense of purpose.

I have been deeply hurt by people, starting off with my mother & family, & school yard bullying, bad codependent relationship s that undermined any shred of self love, dignity, humanity I felt.

Sometime all we need is just someone to talk to.

No judgements.

People that understand & will be genuinely supportive of our plight & enduring journey.

Healing can take place with love & understanding.

Thanks for sharing.

Wishing you all the best.

[Hidden]

I also have Hbp & am on 20 mg of lisinopril , part of it is white coat syndrome ( fear of doctors, hospitals) have lost a lot of people in hospitals, so I always equate hospitals with bad news, death .The other is the RA, because of it's inflammatory nature ,swells my

Organs, vessels, heart lining, brain lining, etc, & affects the kidneys. My rheumatologist also confirmed due to inflammation of the brain due to TA chronic depression is common, along with depression for having chronic pain .It was a culmination of the active process of RA, on going long term anxiety & meds particularly NSAIDS, which has been replaced with another pain med that has no acetaminophen, which landed me in the hospital of over 400 liver enzymes, normal is 40 & under 1000 is liver failure, so Vicodin is out of the question for me. It is so hard when you are dealing with multiple ailments & on strong meds that can make you forgetful, that has happened to me many times, losing track of which pill I took, just because I take so many :(. There are some great suggestions, you have to do what works for you & feels most comfortable for you . I am just so glad you are ok. That must've been so frightening for you , your husband & your loved ones, so glad you are ok. You sound like a fighter.

I have a bag full of meds & I feel like an 80 year old woman with all the meds I'm prescribed, it really is depressing & overwhelming all at the same time, so I completely understand where you're coming from. I appreciate you sharing, as this is more common than people realize. Be well & thanks again for your kind words & sharing your truth.

[ShannonLovesDogs18]

Wow!!! Although we have different diseases, we sound like the same person, I always say that I feel like an 80 yr old trapped in a 40 yr old body. I was diagnosed with degenerative bone disease at the age of 14 yrs old, I had my first surgery at 17. But the meds, the doctors prescribe one thing and then I have to take 3 other things usually on top of that one thing they prescribe. So like you my list is long. I'm sorry for your struggles and I hope you can find some relief sooner or later. Oh and there is no husband after 15 yrs of marriage he couldn't live like my body required me to!! Stay strong!!!

[Hidden]

Just take comfort in knowing. No one truly knows your journey but you. You are no less valuable because you don't get up everyday & go to a job. You are injured & not able to work & that doesn't make you any less than anyone else. You should be proud of yourself with all your pain, affliction for most of your life you haven't lost the ability to love, you have become a mother raised 3 children, 2 are in college, great job! You are a mother to your animal babies who rely on you completely for their very life, well-being. You should be so proud of yourself. So many people adhere to what the world says is success degrees, materialism, making 6 figures, but not only are so many

Of them not good people, they aren't very nice & are looking for inanimate objects to validate them & hold them in higher esteem than others. It's actually not only really shallow & pathetic, but really sad too. Your body needs TLC, rest & you do what you have to do to maintain a level of mobility that enables you to function. When we live with chronic pain, physical ailments, mental anguish, we can't uphold ourselves to what society feels as "normal".Everyday is just a struggle to get through, sometimes when all you want to do is hide away. I understand because I deal with chronic pain daily, which activates depression & anxiety & I really have to remember that even on my worst days I'm doing the best that I possibly can at the time. I may not be perfect, but I'm a decent human being, not cruel & try to always be kind & treat others the way I'd want to be treated. Sometimes we just need a pat of recognition to know that some of us have made it, endured & even thrived, with little or no support & with the odds against us. Keep fighting the good fight. I also tend to not let people get too close to me I keep a safe distance or push them away when they become too intimate or aggressive, because for as long as I can remember, starting with my

Mother, family, they hurt me deeply, abandoned me in my time of need. Some of them I haven't seen, or talked to, since my mom's funeral decades ago. I also had a lot of so - called friends betray me , but with counseling,I'm now learning , that's their thing, not mine, I am only responsible for my own thoughts, behaviors and actions & just because people hurt me in the past , just as I'm a good, loving person there, are also lots of good people in life like me too & you as well, so keep

the faith & be gentle with yourself. We are stronger than we know.