Hello, new to the group

[Autumn214]

Hello ,

I am new to this group ; However not to depression and anxiety .

I am a Mental Health Therapist , so I have to "wear a mask" alot of the time to be strong for others ..

Recently , my anxiety has gotten so bad that my panic attacks , have started in session with clients .

I see a doctor and take Xanax -as needed. However , I've been on it so long , it does not have the same effect anymore.

I am on anti -depressants. They don't work great .. However I've tried alot of them and these work the best.

I believe my friends are tired of hearing about my depression and anxiety .

I do see a therapist and it helps, just not enough .

So I wanted to join this group in hope of getting Some hope and comfort.

Thank You,

Autumn

[Kedeer]

Think of ur panic attacks like a roller coaster. U are at the bottom of the hill right now but u will climb back up. Just keep trying and they will get better. Ur friends and family should not be tired of hearing about it. Truly caring means always understanding. I always feel like I'm annoying people with mine but they really care it's just u being paranoid. They are there for u and love u.

[Autumn214 in reply to Kedeer]

Thanks for your kind words

[fcjl8]

I pray that you will find more peace and comfort. I imagine that you have some good knowledge based on your career. Are you taking an SSRI? I understand that SSRI help with both anxiety and depression... I bet your friends and family love you so much and care about you more than you know... God loves you and cares about you so much.

[rippi]

Hi you say you have been on alot of anti depresion pills and these work the best...What works the best you didnt say..My phamasist said to use a natural called Adaptra he used for his and it really worked well and can take along with other med's you can get it on line, may want to try it works pretty good for me...I just started Celexa it seems pretty good so far but only on it 5 days..

[Lisa315]

Do you ever feel like you shouldn't be in the field because you are great at helping others but can't help yourself? I too am in the field and have a Masters degree. Mine have been out of control and ended up on short term disability just to try to get them managed. Sometimes I just feel "less than" because of what I go through almost daily

[Autumn214]

Hi Lisa ,

How are you ?

Yes in have thought about that SO many times!

I know by having the negative life experiences , plus the depression and anxiety , that I can pass my knowledge on to my clients .

However , the flip side of that is.. I'm dealing with my own depression and anxiety and if I am with a bi-polar client who is going through a "manic" phase , my anxiety will sky rocket !

I used to really enjoy being a social worker . However , now because of my depression , but mostly anxiety , I feel like I can only handle seeing a couple of clients per day .

Can I ask , if you don't mind, was your depression / anxiety that became so bad you were put on short-term disability ?

Are you a Mental Health Counselor as well ?

Thanks ,

Autumn

[endurance1973]

I can totally relate to your post. I too have to wear a mask. My friends list is down to 1, but I have a million acquaintances! I'm a introvert, anxiety, Depression, and I'm on Xanax. Same days are good some are nightmares. But I keep busy. I'm a nurse. My patients deserve a happy nurse. Don't get me wrong I'm loving and caring and do my job well but as soon as it turns on the 12th hour of my shift I gotta get out of there! I have two teenagers. Pop passed away Friday. Mom going for surgery to remove more cancer. Sister and brother don't really come buy or talk but we agree totext each other everyday... No husband. My best friend is a paraplegic. With all that being said. I think as Spiritual Beings in a human body we are all doing our best to manage. Millions of people are just like us. And I think we're all great people just wanting to feel "normal". I commend you for writing this post and sharing with us here who suffer as well.Thank God we can be ourselves here and not pretend. It helps. You can always share with me and I won't get tired or judge you. I think your pretty damn cool for doing what you do and also helping others as I do the same.

It's not a weakness. It makes us stronger. Who we are. How we react.

Take care.

💜

[Autumn214 in reply to endurance1973]

Hi endurance,

Thanks for your reply back to me. I commend you also, for being a nurse .. it's no easy job that's for sure .

Do you feel that some days, because of your anxiety, you do not believe you can make it through?

I'm going to be honest , there are times at work , that I do take a Xanax -I take as few pills as possible-because the anxiety becomes unbearable and I will go into an anxiety attack .

I'm not sure if you are able , being a nurse to take Xanax , on the job.. you don't have to answer, if you don't feel comfortable ..

Autumn

[endurance1973 in reply to Autumn214]

This is what I love about the website we are on we can be totally honest with each other. I am on Xanax I do take it while I'm on shift. I'm at my job at 6:30 in the morning and I leave around 7:30 maybe 8 o'clock at night 3 days a week. While I am at work sometimes I show the real me. And most of the times I wear my mask. It's hard. To answer your question most of the time I feel I will not make it. So I try to keep busy I try to keep telling myself just a couple more hours then you're out of there..... sometimes I feel I am so messed up with my thoughts and feelings that I should be left alone isolated and that is also a good thing and a bad thing for me. I do believe in the Lord I do try to read my Bible now and then I do try to go to church now and then. I try to have the normal life. When I am around people I feel I am not like them I feel I don't fit in because of how I am how I perceive the world and myself. To be honest I also feel that it is okay to not be okay. As long as we keep going keep pushing keep helping others. It'll be ok .

We all will be ok. Who is to say what is normal? Or.

How to feel?

I think the world should take the label off people and things and let the world be what it is. Maybe then we can relate. Or.

Feel comfortable in our own skin....

I love everyone in this group because we are all going through the same thing just on different experiences and yet we are all fighters because it takes courage to talk about what we really think of ourselves and or others yes we might feel uncomfortable or maybe that we're going crazy but I love all my crazies I wouldn't have it any other way!

[Autumn214 in reply to endurance1973]

Thanks Endurance for our response back.

When you said that you dont feel like you fit in..

I look around me at work and see other therapists talking and joking and I just shut my door and do my work between clients.

I feel like I don't fit in either.

Everyone at my work is very nice and there are times where I will talk to them, but more and more I isolate myself in my office.

You seem like a very positive person, and I think that is awesome!

Autumn

[endurance1973 in reply to Autumn214]

Thank you. 🌸

Takes lots of practice. You remind me of me!

Keep being who you are! Embrace Who You Are! Love who you are! Sometimes people like us need more people like us! We're unique original true! I know for me I look in the mirror and give myself pep talks and I tell myself I'll be okay I'm here I'm your best friend I love you we can do this together. And when I come to this website and see other people going through what I'm feeling it makes me feel better! So I keep some good vibe music on. Take my Xanax and do little things that I like at my pace and breathe. When I have a bad day I come here and share! You are an awesome person. I would never change you. The world needs you just as you are! 💜

[Autumn214 in reply to endurance1973]

Thank you endurance ,

I can't tell you how much talking to you and others in this group has helped me this morning before I have to head into work .

Have a Good Day!!

Autumn

[Hidden]

Hey Autumn,

I think this is more common that we know. I am also a social worker that struggles with anxiety and panic disorder. I take medication every day and Xanax as needed. There are days that are harder than others and I am thinking of transitioning to a field other than social work because I wonder if dealing with less emotions of others will be helpful.

Hang in there!

[Autumn214 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Acnibs,

Thanks for your reply. I agree... I am working on my LISW- Independent licensure; however I have a long way to go. I wonder, very often, if I should change fields and what field I would even go into?

It keeps me in that "stuck" phase of life.

I know getting my Independent licensure is more opportunities and better money; however if my anxiety is so bad now; what will it be like at that point?

Ironically, I looked up careers for introverts and wouldn't you know "Mental Health Couselor " was on the list. lol

Obviously I think you have to be somewhat of an extrovert to be a counselor...

It was just funny to me.

Good Luck,

Autumn

[Autumn214 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Acnibs,

May I ask, what kind of Social Work do you practice? As a Mental Health Counselor, I always used to be able "to go with the flow". I almost welcomed the challenge of not knowing what I was going to face that day with clients.

Now: I'm in a panic, even before I go to work, wondering, "what am I going to talk to the client about today"?

"What if there is something that I do not know the answer to"?

"What if I feel as it I did not do anything to make them feel better"?

I was never "completely outgoing". However, I was not an introvert, as I have become.

I used to be fun and spontaneous, and now I need to plan everything out and as few surprizes as possible.

Autumn

[Hidden in reply to Autumn214]

Right now I'm doing access to services and basic needs. It's a fusion of assessments and referral. I'm not doing therapy sessions. This type of social work has been ideal because there are processes in place which makes for less spontaneity.

I used to be a child welfare social worker but that was just too intense for my emotional health. I used to have those feelings of "what if I don't have the answer" but honestly being a caring person that is listening is more important than anything you say.

Think about when you see your own therapist. How many times is there silence from them? That's intentional because therapy is supposed to self-reflective and they are there to guide us. I think that maybe taking a step back to re-evaluate your meds and if that doesn't work having a soul searching conversation to see if there is another field of social work that you could practice or a specific population or if you should venture out.

Sorry for the many words.

[Autumn214 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Acnibs,

I appreciate your feedback . I used to be out in the field -going to people's homes- which was a much better fit for me.

I worked with kids and I was not stuck in an office for hours at a time like I am now.

I do work with both kids and adults now, mostly adults .

I work at 2 different jobs that couldn't be more different .

One is an agency with alot of rules and productivity to meet which is insane to me!

The other is a Private Practice which is laid back with a much bigger office.

However , I am a contract therapist there , so I only get paid for face-to-face time with the clients .

So it's never a steady paycheck .

Before I started the agency position, I had SO MUCH LESS

I always said if I could go back to find social work in less dangerous neighborhoods or become a career counselor , it would be a much better fit.

Please don't get me

wrong , I like being a Social Worker and empowering people to empower themselves and find their strengths .

But the stress and anxiety is taking over ..

Autumn

[BoiH]

Hi Autumn I'm new to this group but completely understand! I'm happy for you thank your working right now. I am not. I just quit another job because of anxiety and need money but will try again in October. You sound like a very strong woman!

[DSBK2]

Hello. I'm new to this also. I can totally relate to your feelings. Xanax still does help me, although not as much as it did. I'm chalking it up to my symptoms being at highest level ever. I too feel like my few(2) friends are sick of me. I'm not not working and those friends have faded away. Keep up with the therapy.