Y me?

[Donndonn1980]

I've come a long way and am now responsible and I do my best to make sure everyone around me are ok but I feel nobody cares for me and I feel like I'm always being set up or framed for things I don't do and places I've never been. So many strange things happen to me it scares me but nobody understands but I don't either so.... I just worry and feel like I'm trying to survive everyday and I'm exhausted. My anxiety is always high and I just want to know I will be ok and nobody wants to harm me or wish bad on me. I'm sick of feeling like a black cloud follows me and I know I'm a good person and treat ppl as I'd like to be treated. In the past I did what I had to to survive being homeless most of my adult life but I've matured and provide for my family now so who could be mad at that? Idk I just want some help and a therapist but I always get the runaround. Does anybody really care for me and if so why can't they show me?

[CazO46]

It's sounds like you had a rough start but through your efforts you have pulled through to a better life. I think relationships should be mutually supportive so you have every right to want love, care and attention back. I wonder if you feel able to talk to them about what you need? It's not always easy but they might have got used to you giving all the time and not thinking about what you need. Therapy can be great if you can get access to it and get on with the therapist. Best wishes to you

[Donndonn1980 in reply to CazO46]

Thank you

[old-soul]

Sometimes when folks have had a less than perfect past, regardless of why, when we make a real turn-around, those that hold resentments about the past really DO set us up to fail, because they're mad, whether they want to admit it or not. They sometimes secretly want revenge.

In other cases, if they had become accustomed to lot's of attention and pity, and that suddenly dries up because their principle reason for feeling sorry for themselves and their ready excuse for every problem they have has evaporated, and they resent THAT.

Yet another powerful motivator are those that want us, the one's with this or that problem, to do better, but NOT BETTER THAN THEM.

Whatever the cause, these things really CAN cause people who have resentments and have always claimed the victim role to really flip out and attack.

All I can say is, it's not anyone's job to be the entire blame, nor the entire "fix-it kit." Allowing yourself to be scape-goated is sometimes easier said than done, and some relationships may be so damaged there is no way to repair them if the seething resentment of the other party keeps them taking passive-aggressive pot-shots and setting up up over and over again to exact their revenge. In such cases, we MAY have to cut our losses with some people, or we wind up getting bleed to the point of collapse.

There's a difference between making amends and being a punching bag. Been there, done that. I had one person in my family that truly supported my return to health, and she died 3-1/2 years ago. That was my mom. My father ALWAYS scapegoated me since I was just a toddler, and all these years later still does.

He also HATED the fact that my mom and I had a decent relationship my WHOLE life, even when I was in a really dark place years and years ago, and as a narcissistic controller, he really didn't EVER allow her to have many friends even. He REALLY hated the fact that she EVER loved or cared about ANYONE else, even me.

When my mom passed, he REALLY went ape-schiznit-wild on me. Verbal attack started to really ramp up, and REALLY came completey off the chain the very night she died. He called me from the hospital lobby phone moments after she passed, just to scream into the phone, "SHE'S DEAD. Your MOM IS DEAD!" Then slammed the phone.

In order to spend a little time with her from time to time I stayed close geographicly. I'm an only child, so it's not like I had brothers and/or sisters that spent any time with her. He hated me being around, but what else could I do?

So, now I am still in close proximity to him, a very politically connected narcissistic personality, and as a disabled adult with few resources, I have been through the wringer, I assure you, BUT, I have also fought very hard not to slip away from what I know to be good for me, and still show no signs of breaking down as bad as I did years ago, which drives him all the harder to undermine me and set me up.

He can't help himself. We rarely talk any longer, but that has really been good, because it has allowed me to have a lot more compassion for him as a sick man. On the rare occasion when we do talk, I am generally able to be genuinely positive and kind for a 10 or 15 minute phone conversation, and remain fairly emotionally detached in a spirit of love rather that hostility.

Just remember, if you can't keep enough strength in your own reserves to meet unexpected hard times that everyone goes through, you COULD find youself in treacherous seas with no safe harbor in sight, so please, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from emotional vampire type behaviors. Learning to detach emotionally, IN A LOVING, NOT ANGRY SPIRIT has absolutely saved my life.

Feel free to message me if you like. My prayers are with you, AND with all of those you love.

[Donndonn1980 in reply to old-soul]

Thank you so much

[old-soul in reply to Donndonn1980]

No trouble. You know how this thing works. We ALL need some outside validation when people are buggin' out and trying to throw us under the bus for whatever reason. Hating or letting them rent space in our heads free of charge is a sure-fire recipe for disaster for sure, but so is being a door-mat. I'm sure if you've been on the streets you have had enough of that business for one lifetime. People who don't get it can't be expected to get it, and often make all sorts of wild assumptions that are no-where near the truth.

Still, know, who are most people going to believe and side with? Surely not the guy that's been down 100 miles of bad road. The truth is, the people that do the WORST dirt NEVER serve a day in the pokey, or go without much of anything. They wear $1,500 suits and feel badly when their job at Enron comes to an end, and have to look for other ways to bilk working class families out of their entire life's savings.

Just keep on doing the things that moved you forward in the first place, including making choices that sometimes are really NOT convenient, but are definitely right, as frightening as that may be.

Never be afraid to make a brand-new mistake you've never made before, because sometimes it's not a mistake at all, and even if it is, at least it's not the same OLD mistake.

Always remember, you are just as worthy as anyone else.

That's it.