How am I suppose to find and keep a job when I suffer from debilitating depression and anxiety?
I'm 31 years old and the idea of working makes me want to crawl in a hole and die...
Also, like many Americans, I can't afford to go to a doctor... my only saving grace is the fact that my parents still let me live at home... And being 31 and still living at home makes me feel like a loser, too. That sure doesn't help with my self-image but I guess that's another post.
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DrPenguin
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i know what it is like to lose it at work and get in trouble. i feel for you! i have depression that makes me irritable and a bit aggressive with my attitude. i take prozac and lamictal for it. i would suggest you see a psychiatrist or your family doctor. if you don't have health insurance can you apply for Medicaid? or dial 211, that's social services and tell them you are struggling with mental health issues. i go to Monarch and if i couldn't pay they would still see me.
I have insurance but it's a $500 deductible. And since I have no income coming in, it's not really an option. I'm definitely aggressive/irritable as well...I'm on meds that help tremendously with that issue, but obviously medication can only help so much. I'll look up Monarch and call 211...I've not heard of those options before. Thanks.
Hi Dr Penguin. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You’re not alone. I’m very lucky to have a very supportive boss but I have that same fear irregardless. I have tried this product called “Rescue Remedy”. It’s a plant based product that you can buy at any Walmart. They have them in a spray and in lozenges. It can help with anxiousness. I would recommend that first since it’s an easy thing to find. I also have an app on my phone called “Calm” that helps with meditation and calming sounds and music. I hope that helps a bit. If it makes you feel any better, I’m 35 and am currently staying at my parents because my boyfriend and I are going through a very rough patch that just might break us. Use the support you have when you need it and try not to put yourself down for it. All of North America still has so much to learn about mental health. The resources are just not enough. Even here in Canada, hospitals are overrun with people having panic attacks thinking they are heart attacks. Cheo is so backlogged that they can only take kids who are literally trying to kill themselves and have no manpower or resources left for the ones who can be helped before they reach that point. Keep posting and we’ll be here for you. Hugs❤️
It is comforting that I'm not the only one that's in their 30's and living at home. But I hate that for both of us Lol. I've tried both rescue remedy and calm...neither helped for me The only reason I had my job for so long (9 years) was because I had a very supportive supervisor who understood when I couldn't do extra work or had to take a day off (She's friends with my mom though so that's why she was so easy going with me), but I ended up having an outburst on someone not so understanding...So here I am... and I'm worried if I do find a new job that they won't be understanding either.
Can you try part time and try to ease back into the work place? Even with a supportive boss, I still get anxious when going back to work after I’ve had to take time off for mental health reasons. Here’s a very personal question and I completely understand if you don’t want to answer but do you know your triggers and what caused your outburst? Have you noticed any patterns with your moods? Have you tried keeping a journal to help keep things clear?
I've thought about doing part-time and have been open to it when looking for jobs. I guess I don't really know my triggers... I have a hard time with people and if I feel like they're not treating me or someone else right then I can completely go off without hesitation. It's like my mind can't even process what's going on, it just happens and I don't realize it until it's done. I've tried to keep journals countless times, but I just can't keep up with them. I've even tried to do simple "How did you feel today" logs on a calendar and couldn't keep up with it. (Focusing on anything is real issue with me. Even writing this is hard.) And I'm not sure about patterns in my moods...the only thing I do know what that is if I forget to take my meds at the same exact time each day I will feel "off" for a while.
Being consistent with meds will help regulate you. I would suggest trying to figure out your triggers. I used to be a people person and now, honestly, I can’t stand 95+% of the people out there. Have you tried physical activity? Another thing that helps me to clear my head is I do kick boxing. Home videos will work too if you can’t afford much. Beach body tends to have some really great coaches (and it’s free to sign up) and some that also battle mental health issues. I actually have an old friend who is now a coach there that I could recommend if you’re interested. Funny enough, I actually ended up meeting a psychologist when I started kick boxing and she got me in to one of her coworkers which has also helped tremendously. I realize that isn’t exactly an easy option for you so please keep posting and we will be here for you as much as possible. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and soul searching but you can and will get through this. We’re here for you.
Thank you so much for all your help. I'm actually extremely physical and am an amateur MMA fighter. However I may not be able to continue if I can't get a job within a couple of months. I wish I could say physical activity helped me, even though I enjoy it I can still feel depressed the whole time doing it. :/ I think going to a psychologist would help tremendously and maybe one day I can go when I'm financially able. I've only ever seen my regular doctor. And yes , I have a lot of soul searching to do...I still haven't found who I am.
Was there a time you clearly weren't depressed or anxious? If so, did you have outbursts then? If not, I think you should apply for disability because it's your depression and anxiety clearly causing your problems with holding a job. See if your doctor will help support you in this plea and think about getting an attorney to help also. There are ones that specialize in this that don't cost a lot. That makes it worth it because the 1st check is way more than what the attorney has charged you. I stress getting all this support with your application because typically the government denies you at least 2 times before approving and takes their time about it.
I've been depressed and anxious since I was in middle school. I honestly have no idea what it's like to feel "normal" as this has been my normal my entire life. I barely made it through school and was a homeless runaway my entire teenage years because my parents couldn't deal with my outburst and anger, etc. So yeah...I've had a hard time with it my whole life. And my parents say I've had outbursts and impulse control since I came out of the womb :/ ...I've gotten better with impulse control with my age, but it's obviously still an issue.
Tell me more about your troubles in school. Try to remember what made learning hard, if anything did. What were the outbursts about? What prompted them? Did you have any testing for learning problems?
I’m struggling sticking to a college. I sometimes just have to remember to take it one day at a time. I went away to a college out of the states and then a year later came back and did community college right next to my house. I was afraid of what people would think of me too. But then I realized I had to work on myself. If I’m happier at home then that’s what I need to do. You need fix your mental health and do what’s best. Try not to get wrapped up in what other people think of you. I would suggest an easier laid back job. One when you go and when u finish and come home u don’t have to continue working. Like working at target, retail, or the food industry. I’m struggling with self image too but if I don’t fix my mental health. I won’t be here to fix my image if that makes sense.
Yeah, I'm not sure what kind of job that would be though. I've hated every job I've ever had, even easy ones. The only thing that makes me happy is being at home taking care of the people I love (cooking, cleaning, walking the pups, gardening), but unfortunately I can't make an income as a homemaker. Lol.
Well honestly. Dogs make me happy. I was a dog walker for a company and within a summer I made $3k just doing dog walking. People do pay for other to watch their house while they r gone. Rather it be water their plants or take their dog out. You could maybe try something like that.
I've been trying really hard to do that, actually! However it is super competitive and people tend to choose friends and family that will do it for free. So far I've only made $25 for dog walking...I've been trying since February... Posted flyers all over town, I'm on care.com and rover.com. Nothing.
Sometimes you need to hop onto a company that’s already doing it. There was a company in my town. They hired me and I ended up having so many dogs a day sometimes it was to much. Maybe type in “ dog watching companies near me “ and see if any of them are hiring.
I would say get a job that won’t be to hard. If you don’t like talking to people maybe try stocking in the back room of a store. And then keep that job while you wait around to find something better
Sadly, everywhere I applied like that rejected me. (Walmart, Target, etc.) Because I'm "over qualified". Wish I were joking! I'm sure I'll find something, but I just don't think anything will make me happy.
This is going to make me sound awful, but I only like taking care of people indirectly. I don't want to touch them or interact with them and I only want to care for people that I love...like immediate family. I just wasn't born with that "compassion" for people. And I have a hard time feeling anything for people I don't know. I had a friend offer me a cna job but it sounded just awful to care for people. :/
Ya I’m like that. If I don’t have an emotional connection with them it’s hard for me to physically care for them. Like putting them to bed and helping them shower. So that’s completely understandable.
I also don't think I could physically care for someone I cared about. My poor parents are screwed when they're older. I show people I care by feeding them and cleaning up after them. It's all I can do because I can't seem to show compassion. Idk, I'm broken that way I guess
That’s not awful. There’s no reason you HAVE to touch or interact with people if you don’t want to. I know a few people that don’t like to be touched themselves. I too have very little compassion for people because I don’t generally like other people. I try to be social and some people I like but more so not.
Yeah. I have a hard time with social stuff. It's why I do MMA...I forced myself to do it because I had such bad touch phobia. I can touch people now but that doesn't mean I want to clean them. Lol.
I can’t blame ya there. The last thing I want to do is clean up after people. My mom was a nurse and she used to tell me stories. I could never be that kind of a caretaker. God bless those who are though. Especially the ones who actually have the bedside care my mom has. There’s way to many people in that field who shouldn’t be.
I’m a germaphobe and every time someone goes in for a hand shake I have to tell them I’m a germaphobe. I’m not that into hugs but I’ve been getting better.
I was like that too for most of my life. I refused hand shakes even for interviews, I wore gloves almost 24/7 and I would cringe anytime someone even brushed up against me, even if I had clothing covering my skin. It was a real issue so I decided I had to do something about it. I'm a physically active person so I decided "Well...Let's do something physical that makes me touch people." and I got really drunk and went to my first MMA class (I don't drink regularly, only that one time so I could get myself into the door. Lol. Probably not a great thing to tell people, but anyway....). Two years later and I'm still rolling on the ground embracing sweaty ass strangers. I still can't believe I went from not being able to touch someone, to hugging sweaty people!
One thing that helps billions thru the centuries is Gods word...the bible is given to us to heal us..grow us..provide a pathway to peace..joy...that only God can give. There's a hole inside that we yearn to fill and believe me you will never be truly full until we come to know our creator. I ran fr this for a very long time but with the help of a friend I started to listen and read out loud the words in the bible. Start with the book of John. I pray you will take the first step.
That makes no sense. I don't believe in god, how can I blame something I don't believe in? I take full responsibility for my actions. I came here for support, not for some religious nutcase to push religion down my throat.
I am forty and still live with my parents. I could care less of what others think of me living at home. Dr. Penguin? American dad? I love that show! Rodger is hilarious.
Good luck on your journey. I'm glad a resource like this exists for folks and I'm glad you're making use of it. Sometimes simply having others to communicate with in a supportive environment can do a world of good. Especially without the pressure of paying for individual therapy for instance. After all people are more stressed out when they need help and feel they can't afford it. Good news is I've been researching online and there seems to be local support groups for little or no cost. I would recommend you look online for groups that meet In your area. The key as I see it is to surround yourself with nonjudgmental people who simply want to help and you might find yourself helping them in areas where they are weak and you are strong which will shift your focus from dwelling on your current issue. If you survived being on the street and held a job for 9 years straight while dealing with your issues you've got grit.
Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate the last comment...I often forget about everything I've overcome and how much I've grown. I was just really upset today about the idea of trying to find a new career and my depression got the best of me so I looked up resources for help and came across this website and this was my first post. It has been surprisingly helpful to talk to everyone on here..I honestly didn't think I'd get any replies, much less ones that made me feel better. I think I'll try to continue on this journey and find more helpful resources.
Do you have access to a county or state mental health system. It usually means getting in a waiting list unless you’re suicidal and may not always offer the best care but it’s something.
Do you work with other people? Sometimes that’s difficult with depression. I found that working alone or working with kids was best for me.
Maybe contact the labor department where they may have testing that helps match you with careers that are matched with your personality. I hope you find a solution soon. It’s hard.
Thanks, it is hard. We do have a local health facility that helps based on your income, but they go based on a yearly income..which means I made too much for any state assistance. I haven't been out of work for very long, so I may look into seeing if the labor department offers anything like that. I use to work with children, but even though they're cute, it just wasn't worth it...I barely made over min. wage and had no health benefits.
Are you from Europe? Believe me Medical insurance is not cheap here. I had to stop going to counciling cause I couldn't afford the co-payment. I have diabetes, so I have to buy Medication monthly. Working yes is difficult to do when you're dealing with mental health issues. I had to retire early because it, I'm living on my retirement savings, which is half gone. So I'm scared what will happen when I run out of money. Your lucky that your parents allow you to stay with them. I don't know your parents, but that might get old supporting a grown child? See if you can get at least One meeting with a counselor to aquire Medication? Then maybe you can move on from there.
I'm in the US. I'm on meds. Lol. My parents love me being here, actually. I didn't live with them for my entire teenage life, but I came back as an adult when I got put on meds. Weird situation where they couldn't handle me as a teen... So now I guess we're making up for lost time. Plus I just live here, they don't pay for anything. I cover my food, bills, etc. I'm good with money so I have 3 months of my income saved up until I find a new job. I've only been out of work for a week and a half.
Along with the other suggestions about discussing things with a doc, I'd suggest looking into things you can do yourself.
Breathing exercises are very useful since you can do it just about anywhere. You can do them before work, in your car, in the bathroom, or even at your desk if you have a few minuites. Look up some techniques online or on youtube.
Meditation is also a great tool. It can seem intimidating for some at first but it's one of those things that I've found really helps when done regularly.
Other things like writing down thoughts in a journal, yoga, applying positive thinking and exercise can really make a difference.
Thanks for all the suggestions :).I do all of those things, however I could be better about doing them regularly instead of just doing them here and there. The positive thinking is super hard for me! I'm such a negative person about pretty much everything (my inner dialog with myself is so awful) So that's a good suggestion and I should work on it.
Oh god I totally understand you... this is so debilitating and you can't really trust yourself, you don't know when it's gonna come out and so on. I see some good suggestions already on here as to what to do about it, just wanted to say that I'm here, if you want to talk.
Thanks! And you're so right. Usually I can take a few deep breaths and calm myself down before I explode, but on that day a few deep breaths just wasn't enough
Hi DrPenguin, I understand what you are going through. I have work anxiety and sometimes it gets to me so bad, that I don't have strength to get up from bed.
There are many people at the office who are definitely triggers for me. When you said about exploring your triggers. I would recommend paying attention not to just "general picture", but look into your day in greater detail: who/what pressures you most, who/what makes you sad, who/what irritates you most. I am sure that by doing this you'll be able to find your triggers soon. The only drawback is that you can't really eliminate these triggers, because you have to communicated with people, you have to do your job.
I try not to think about it as much. Because when I start to reflect on everything, I become even more tired, sad and irritated.
You're right on point... Everyday that I had to go to work it took every effort in me to get out of bed. Figuring out my triggers and how to deal with them will probably help, but like you when I think about them I start spiraling. It's like I have to pretend nothing around me is actually happening... But I know that can't be healthy lol
Can relate. I just try to be less reactive. I am a lawyer so I usually have to face stressful situations like contractual negotiations, listening to boss complaining about everything, tough deadlines, etc. I am trying my best to float through some situations by creating this bubble around me and breathing.
Lol it can't be healthy for someone, but it is the only way out for us sometimes. Our nervous system is overworked, so we need to keep as calm as we can in order to restore them.
Hello, I think I have the same issue as you do. I'm going to see if I can collect disability. I currently work from home as a chat moderator. Since I am an introvert that works for me. It's not exactly the career I wanted but it pays the bills. Maybe you might want to find a work-from-home job in your career field or something similar.
Living with your parents does not make you a loser. I think it keeps you safe while you learn how to manage whatever issues you have going on. As long as your parents don't have a problem with you living there, no one else should either. You are family and are supposed to help each other. So do not feel bad about that.
I lost my job too due to my depression and from there I lost my place to live and now I'm living in my sister's basement. I'm at the lowest place I've been in my life and there's no place left to go but up from here. I understand how you feel believe me I do. I have a job at a daycare center and I absolutely hate going everyday and my husband yells at me and says get up and go if you don't we'll never get out of here which makes me feel so guilty. I finally drag myself out of bed and be gradually go out the door and I don't even prepare myself properly I just get dressed and go which is not the real me at all. I had a good weekend this weekend and today Sunday night and I have to be at work at 7:40 a.m. so damn early I'll go to bed soon but wake up feeling anxious sad and completely out of sorts and thinking of calling out each and every day like always. I do so hope that tomorrow is different but I doubt it. I did have an interview the Thursday before last and it looks like I may get that job which would be a totally better fit for me which is my light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that you get another position soon that makes you feel less stressed too. Good luck with everything and let us know how you make out with everything. Best wishes to you.
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The only reason I had my job for so long (9 years) was because I had a very supportive supervisor who understood when I couldn't do extra work or had to take a day off (She's friends with my mom though so that's why she was so easy going with me), but I ended up having an outburst on someone not so understanding...So here I am... and I'm worried if I do find a new job that they won't be understanding either.
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