Grief/Loss and Depression/Anxiety

[Woolybluecurl]

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety most of my life and having recently experienced the loss of a family member, I'm seeing a huge connection. Though death seems to be the thing we most recognize as loss, there are so many little things along the way that we lose.....especially as we age. I come from the generation that wasn't ever going to grow old.....and of course that wasn't true. I'm feeling the loss of my youth pretty intensely these days....like I realize I will never wear a two piece on the beach again! The world is so different and I struggle to find a place where I still belong. We seem to lose our value as our hair turns silver.....when in so many other cultures, these are the people who are the most respected. So, I'm on a journey to find the places with other folks of my generation who are still very much alive and interested in really living. I already have one volunteer job and have a couple of other possibilities lined up. My depression and anxiety is tied to isolation and loneliness.....my family doens't live close by. Being with people and feeling I belong is a big part of how I can heal myself. It's not always easy to go past my comfort zone and put myself out there, but I think about the saying, "Fear is always rewarded." Gotta keep trying. Love and healing to you all!

[rubyrhythm]

Thanks for sharing. I agree that finding ways to connect and belong is really important. Even if the culture overall doesn't place a lot of value on those who are of a certain age, there are individuals and communities who do. It sounds like you are on your way to finding some.

[Woolybluecurl in reply to rubyrhythm]

Gotta keep trying....

[Weatherwoman]

I can relate. I am older than you, and have lost my Sig. Other six Mos. ago. Family lives far away, friends not that far, but mostly connect by phone, text. It seems too far for them to drive here, and I don't drive. My Sig. was my best friend, my love, my Anchor, my Person. Also, lost my Mom in 2020, lost a best friend & other people close in my life not that long ago. Also, lost my youth, and mostly I won't feel so bad about that; but, in our society being older (now, in late seventies) I feel kind of invisible --hard to explain --I have no children so I don't seem to fit in with most people that are now with grown up children, grandchildren & always talking about them & their accomplishments --feel like a "tenth wheel" so to speak. I will say that in Japan (so I hear) older folks are revered, are considered wise, usually live with their families unlike the here in the USA where people our age seem to be ignored especially by the media, by younger & middle age people. Not all, of course, but most people are just living their lives happily, I suppose. I remember my dear Grandmother saying a LONG time ago, "It hard to grow up & grow old!" Gee, now know what she meant. I do attend a Senior Center class & all they talk about is their grown children, their grandchildren. Is there Anyone out there who is my age & for whatever reason didn't have kids? I know there must be, but I don't know of any. Okay, rambling over!

[Woolybluecurl in reply to Weatherwoman]

I so understand how you feel.....the loneliness and disconnect from what seems to be what is "normal" for everyone else is so painful. Just yesterday we went to get new insurance on our cars and the salesman kept asking us about our grown children (we don't have much relationships with any of them) and our grandchildren (same thing, of course). It was extremely awkward and I found myself fumbling around trying to come up with answers....how do you explain it when your kids don't make any effort to stay in touch? I don't know where you live, but I finally went on line yesterday and looked up "support groups for women" and actually found one for women over 60 in my area (it's a Meet Up group). I signed up....haven't heard back from them yet, but it gives me hope to connect with other women who struggle to find a place to belong. Also think I've found my next place to volunteer, as soon as the meds I'm on allow. We have to keep trying. We still have things to offer to others and to the world.....hang in there....I'm with you!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Woolybluecurl]

Thanks so much for your reply. Yes, you are right that we have to keep trying & we all have things to offer. I think that my state of mind (anxious, depressed) sometimes focuses too much on what I think is only out there like "everyone" has children, grandchildren who are Always there for their parents --well, that's how I, and my Brother were to our Mom; but, I do know that not everyone has that (where grown kids are there & grandkids are there). Just have to find groups, or communities with like-minded people. Hope the "Meet Up group will be helpful for you.