How I Overcame my Destructive Habit o... - Anxiety and Depre...

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How I Overcame my Destructive Habit of Comparison


A big factor that led me to low self esteem in my past was a destructive habit of constantly comparing myself to other people. I know a lot of people struggle with the same problem, so I tackled the issue of outer comparison and how to stop it. Please let me know your thoughts!

10 Replies

Someone on this website put it very well: Stop comparing your insides to everyone else's outsides. That's really what we're doing, whether we realize it or not.

Absolutely. It helps to keep in mind that we see what people want us to see.

Very well written.

I know I compare myself to others, and have been told not to do so. I am almost twice your age, and I mostly avoid social media (because there is always something or someone of which to be jealous). But my comparisons are often on a simpler level: how my neighbor is dealing with her disability, how an acquaintance had a rougher, more deprived upbringing than I did, yet has a calmer, more positive relationship with her kids, etc. I am glad I don't have some of the troubles my siblings have (for example, my spouse, thank goodness, is wonderful), but I still envy their well-paying jobs, their larger, more elegant homes, their travels... And even if I compare myself to myself I feel bad. I have stagnated and I am not who I wanted to be. Everyone always says I have power, but I don't see it and I feel powerless. Sometimes I think, "Well heck, maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I'd rather stay in the hell I know than work hard and take risks for the slim possibility, the unknown, that things could be better."

Thanks for reading and for the well-thought-out reply. It's definitely a process to change our thinking. I also sometimes feel the same way that you described... that I'm "lazy" and stagnating. I quit my job a few months ago and unemployment has been discouraging in the short-term. Some days I am extremely unproductive and I'm embarrassed when my friends ask, "What do you do all day?" The days that I do go to the gym, take a class, or write are the days that I feel like I'm taking steps forward. I try to hold on to these little victories.

I agree that holding on to the little victories is important, and that they should not be discounted because they are "too little". Too little based on what?

jkl5500 in reply to MommyBro

To sum it up, comparing yourself to others is playing a game that you can never win. Somebody will always be richer, smarter, more attractive, more accomplished, etc. You say you have a wonderful husband. A lot of women on this forum wish they could say that! You live in a nice home in a prosperous country. How many people in Asia, Africa, and South America would like to say that? You sound like you're doing just fine!

Thanks just shared it on Facebook hope you don’t mind as I found it helpful x

I'm so glad! Feel free to share if you find it helpful :).

Thanks! I hope so too :). Glad to hear you're doing well. I'd be interested in hearing how you helped yourself.

I added my email ,thank you

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