How I Overcame my Destructive Habit of Comparison

[KatarinaWajda]

A big factor that led me to low self esteem in my past was a destructive habit of constantly comparing myself to other people. I know a lot of people struggle with the same problem, so I tackled the issue of outer comparison and how to stop it. Please let me know your thoughts!

bit.ly/2G6hpku

[jkl5500]

Someone on this website put it very well: Stop comparing your insides to everyone else's outsides. That's really what we're doing, whether we realize it or not.

[KatarinaWajda in reply to jkl5500]

Absolutely. It helps to keep in mind that we see what people want us to see.

[MommyBro]

Very well written.

I know I compare myself to others, and have been told not to do so. I am almost twice your age, and I mostly avoid social media (because there is always something or someone of which to be jealous). But my comparisons are often on a simpler level: how my neighbor is dealing with her disability, how an acquaintance had a rougher, more deprived upbringing than I did, yet has a calmer, more positive relationship with her kids, etc. I am glad I don't have some of the troubles my siblings have (for example, my spouse, thank goodness, is wonderful), but I still envy their well-paying jobs, their larger, more elegant homes, their travels... And even if I compare myself to myself I feel bad. I have stagnated and I am not who I wanted to be. Everyone always says I have power, but I don't see it and I feel powerless. Sometimes I think, "Well heck, maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I'd rather stay in the hell I know than work hard and take risks for the slim possibility, the unknown, that things could be better."

[KatarinaWajda in reply to MommyBro]

Thanks for reading and for the well-thought-out reply. It's definitely a process to change our thinking. I also sometimes feel the same way that you described... that I'm "lazy" and stagnating. I quit my job a few months ago and unemployment has been discouraging in the short-term. Some days I am extremely unproductive and I'm embarrassed when my friends ask, "What do you do all day?" The days that I do go to the gym, take a class, or write are the days that I feel like I'm taking steps forward. I try to hold on to these little victories.

[MommyBro]

I agree that holding on to the little victories is important, and that they should not be discounted because they are "too little". Too little based on what?

[jkl5500 in reply to MommyBro]

To sum it up, comparing yourself to others is playing a game that you can never win. Somebody will always be richer, smarter, more attractive, more accomplished, etc. You say you have a wonderful husband. A lot of women on this forum wish they could say that! You live in a nice home in a prosperous country. How many people in Asia, Africa, and South America would like to say that? You sound like you're doing just fine!

[seatree]

Thanks just shared it on Facebook hope you don’t mind as I found it helpful x

[KatarinaWajda in reply to seatree]

I'm so glad! Feel free to share if you find it helpful :).

[KatarinaWajda]

Thanks! I hope so too :). Glad to hear you're doing well. I'd be interested in hearing how you helped yourself.

[Lisapink]

I added my email ,thank you