Belitling me..I few inferior than my own daughter now.

[Gene201876]

I came over the weekend and my dad her granddad had already told me that my daughter has been invited by the SEO Scholars Introductory Presentation. SEO Advance is a new secondary school 3-year work experience programme giving opportunities for high achieving pupils to participate in placements such as Corporate Law, Investment Banking, and Consulting. Leading to top universities Cambridge and so on. Since she received it my dad has been saying how she is brilliant that the land back home will be in her name and that she will be rich and be able to look after him. I said what about me? He ignored and said she got his brains...what is he trying to say? this is damaging subconsciously...

Though he may have been joking it is making me few lower in self-esteem as her mum...I already feel bad as I explained to you guys earlier...

Tell me you guys thoughts on this. good advice

[fauxartist]

yeah....back handed compliments of how brilliant your daughter is, and not mentioning the fact your daughter is who she is because of her mother. Pretty hurtful. And privately I would, as long as you have that kind of relationship with your father to do so, tell him how you took his comments and how exactly that made you feel.

[Gene201876 in reply to fauxartist]

You're so right. Thanks

[km147]

Yes I would feel pretty down too if anyone let alone my own father would say that to me. From a third person perspective think about how she is YOUR offspring not his. That if anything she got her smarts from YOU not him. Maybe you should remind him of that next time he says that. defineteley have a civil conversation with him about how he makes you feel if it's a problem. He shouldn't be belittling you. Cheer up! I have the same problem except it's my sister who over shadows me. Everyone talks about her accomplishments, only asks about her and how she's doing. Like family members. I feel bad sometimes but then I think I don't really value any of their opinions of me. I think I'm pretty great and you should too! That's the only thing that should matter

[Gene201876 in reply to km147]

Thanks for your advice. its help me to see it in a completely different perspective

[Hidden in reply to Gene201876]

Gene201876,

You deserves respect. You must learn not to settle for anything less. You get what you settle for.

After reading your posts, one quote comes to mind.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Be strong and confident.

[gogogirl]

Sorry about that. Also, just because she has high grades does not mean she'll be good at everything- and pardon me your dad sounds selfish about "her looking after him". What about you - without you there would be no her! Hope you can sit down with your dad and let him know how he makes you feel. Sometimes older people can be crass and senile, but there is no excuse.! Your dad might even be looking for attention the wrong way.

[Gene201876]

hey gogogirl.

It just stumbled my mind when you said that my dad might be looking for attention in the wrong way. Could you a explain what you mean by that? I think I get it but not exactly.

[regina7]

Don't worry about what he says! The ones we love the most have the most ability to do us the most harm. My Dad always stayed on me about my weight, and I have never been THAT heavy. Even on his deathbed he told me to always keep my weight down because I did not want to be a burden to carry in death. Gee Whiz. Talk about hurting your self esteem. But after he passed, and I thought through all of the hurtful things that he said to me, I know without a doubt that he loved me. He also saw himself in me, and that both made him happy and worried him at the same time. I can see him through much kinder eyes, now that he is gone, for some reason. Also, I have learned the hard way to love myself first. Before my precious daughter, my amazing Mom, anyone, me first. When you really learn to do that, you can literally laugh inside when you hear such conversations as you were subjected to, because you know your own worth. And your happiness with yourself will only come from inside. I bet you are amazing! You'd have to be to have such an amazing offspring! Don't be shy about taking credit for bringing her into the world!

[Gene201876 in reply to regina7]

Thank you. Your right I