Dont know why

[Bellis1982]

My wife cheated on me with multiple people. She seemed like she was happy with me. We were married for 3 years and together for 5. We have a son together and i fell in love with her daughter that she had from a previous relationship. I loved that little girl like my own flesh and blood. I did everything a man and husband should do for his wife and kids and it wasnt good enough for her. She needed more that i couldn't give her. Im left in a sinking feeling of depression while she is living the single life as she wanted. I just want to know why she would want to marry me in the first place if she didnt want a commited relationship. Im so hurt and i want to die. I dont want to hurt like this. I want to be here for my son because he needs me. I just dont understand how someone can throw away 5 years of loyalty and honesty on a fling. I just dont understand. People keep telling me that this is all apart of gods plan...really? His plan is to see me hurt and wanting to kill myself? I dont get that. Please somebody help me!

[jkl5500]

I am very sorry to learn of your troubles. I know you must be suffering terribly, and I'd like to offer some words of encouragement.

First of all, you have done all you could to make her happy, so the blame lies entirely with her. You only have control over your own behavior, not anyone else's. Since you have done your best, there really is nothing more you could have done.

People usually say "It's God's plan." when they don't know what else to say, and they end up making things worse. God's plan is for us to be happy in this life, because He loves us. He does not plan to see innocent people suffer. So please disregard what your well-meaning friends said.

I hope you will seek medical treatment. If you are feeling suicidal, please get to an ER immediately. This is a terrible blow, and you definitely need some medical assistance to get through it.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[HearYou]

Hello Bellis,

First I do not think any mortal much less a God would want you to hurt and plan to do this to you. Let's look at this from an earthly view.

Some people pick the wrong person to marry. Simple as that. It happens. It hurts like hell; it's like the sorrow and loss by death, because the loss of loved one and divorce are types of deaths.

There is no explanation other than she wasn't right for you and you have just to accept that as there is no way to explain your situation or to understand why your wife did this.

Require her to move out and stop support of her or your stepdaughter, as her mother and her father should be doing that, Get divorce counseling and a good attorney, ask to be custodial parent and liberal visitation with your stepdaughter, and get on with life.

Since your wife has been having sex with other men, you need to stop, if you are with her. In this day and age, if you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with any other person she has. Get tested for herpes, genital warts, HIV, hepatitis and anything other std and anything else recommended by your local doctor or health department.

You will be receiving other relies of support to you. I took the liberty of pointing out the reality of your situation. You are going to grieve and hurt for a long time as broken hearts need time to heal. You don't understand why this happened and why she couldn't or didn't live up to your moral, and commitment expectations. Again, all I can say, people marry the wrong people every day and you can't change that.

Look support while you go through this...your church, your friends, your family and friends and counselors and support groups.

We are here for you. Keep posting and reply to people who respond to you. It' s best to gather the support "troops" to help you through this.

Others on this venue have been where you are and you are not going to die. There is light after the betrayal, your acceptance of the situation, and you get through the tunnel of a divorce. You did not do anything wrong or fail. You just chose the wrong woman.

My heart aches for you and I wish you strength. xx

[old-soul in reply to HearYou]

HearYou is spot on, Bellis. As far as why men and women choose to put promiscuity ahead of everything and anyone else, including their own children, that's pretry plain in my own personal opinion. It's called, "being selfish and self-centered." I guess there could be a lot of different things that could cause someone to become this way, but the fact remains that the future of our children is glum if adults can't act responsibly. That is just a fact.

[old-soul]

I had a similar situation. I raised a daughter as my own for the 1st 9 years of her life. I loved my ex very deeply, but she definately has some trust issues, and in the end it has become pretty aparent that "mom" has some issues she could not overcome.

She had a pattern that I came to understand. After the 4th time in 9 years that she picked a fight (verbal) claiming the victim role to justify leaving and indulging in an immediate "meaningful overnight relationship," I had to put my foot down. 3 times she had done this before, and the 4th time, not only had it become apparent that this would continue, but that last time she had really gone to far, and there was no way I could allow her back in my home, which I had struggled to maintain on those occasions she would just bolt.

For the last 5 years there have been endless calls from collection agencies, and evidence of some other disturbing events as she has run back and forth across the country, dragging this little girl along, and I of course, fear for her quality of life, as well. Well, she's not so little anymore. I'm certain of that, and I also renew my faith by reminding myself that kids aren't necessarily made of glass.

My daughter's biological father committed suicide on my ex's bed before our daughter was born, where my ex would find him 3-1/2 hours later. Our daughter was still in utero at that time. When I use the word "our," I most assuredly include my daughter's bio dad in that as well. I am certain that he would want his daughter to have a dad in his absence.

Sometimes doing what is right, and good, doesn't have a darned thing to do with my own convinence, but the truth is, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Not even my mistakes, because my mistakes were not egregious, and they have taught me lessons I am still drawing from.

Bellis, hang in there brother. You and are I are certainly not the first to experience this sort of thing, and I am certain we will not be the last by ANY strech of the imagination. If others can make the best of it and make the best possible choices to pit the generations to come first, so can we.

A very well known Native American Warrior Chief named Crazy Horse was quoted as saying, "Treat the earth well; it was not given to you by your parents, it is loaned to you by your children. We do not not inherit the Earth for our Ancesters, we borrow it from our childran.

Not bad for a people that were all but exterminated as "savages." I believe the generations to come in every corner of the world would have a much better chance of peaceful lives if more leople would let this sentiment replace the ever deepening "need" for more more more, especially where things like convinence and immediate gratification are concerned.

We only have a limited amount of time to live our lives. I really desire to do something worthwhile, even if no one will remember me for it, and even if it hurts to do so.

Keep the faith.

[Hidden]

Not a part of his plan for sure. But all things do work together for your good. That is the scripture they should have referenced because both good and bad work together for your ultimate good. Take the bad experience and learn from it. I have been at heart aches doir and I would not wish it on anyone. Oh my God that pain is horrible. All I can say is that you will get through it. I was married for 27 years and then divorced. Maybe your wife is experiencing something that she feels she is unable to tell you, she is trying to fix it with men. Most assuredly whatever it is she needs God in her life. Something is wrong, you just do not do that for no reason, she is running away from something and I do not think it is you.