Anxiety and Depression Support
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I FORGOT MY 'UMBRELLA'

i just had a wonderful 2 weeks of not having a 'cloudy day' or 'thunderstorms'. i was so completely fine that even i got pressures at work, they don't seem to bother me anymore. if i missed a deadline, i could just comfort myself in a flash --- no self-pity thoughts after --- and everything would be just fine. i wish i could be that forever, until last night i got drenched by the 'rain'. i was so wet and cold. it happened all of a sudden that i got pissed off because i forgot to prepare for it. i was free of burdens, of mental baggage, i had nothing with me. i forgot my umbrella. i miss that umbrella which makes me feel safe and dry under the rain. i miss being under the protection of something after a loooooong day of protecting my sanity and keeping myself intact. i miss being a bomb detonated and its impact being contained by something made of arms smooth as that comfortable summer afternoon.

now i dont have any choice but to continue walking under the rain.

6 Replies
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Congrats on all the good stuff you've achieved, and guess it's time to get a new umbrella, but I have to ask...it was such a curious statement to me, I'm intrigued...what do you mean when you said: ' i miss being a bomb detonated'?

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that's a metaphor, but i think my grammar is wrong. what i meant was that i miss the feeling of just letting everything out without worrying about what might happen next.

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Please don't worry about the future no knows what will happen, prepare for it. If you want to let it all out go for it! Somewhere that is safe & no one can here! Best of luck & peace of mind!

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...because when i let things out of my mind, i break things, say veeeery mean things, and ending up hurting myself. so yeah. i worry all the time since i get pissed off pretty easily.

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Don't beat yourself up so. Who doesn't get angry & say things they regret? I know I have, give yourself a break from beating yourself up, if like me they're plenty of people out there that will do that for you! Wishing you have a great day!

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thanks. have a pleasant day to you as well.

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