i just had a wonderful 2 weeks of not having a 'cloudy day' or 'thunderstorms'. i was so completely fine that even i got pressures at work, they don't seem to bother me anymore. if i missed a deadline, i could just comfort myself in a flash --- no self-pity thoughts after --- and everything would be just fine. i wish i could be that forever, until last night i got drenched by the 'rain'. i was so wet and cold. it happened all of a sudden that i got pissed off because i forgot to prepare for it. i was free of burdens, of mental baggage, i had nothing with me. i forgot my umbrella. i miss that umbrella which makes me feel safe and dry under the rain. i miss being under the protection of something after a loooooong day of protecting my sanity and keeping myself intact. i miss being a bomb detonated and its impact being contained by something made of arms smooth as that comfortable summer afternoon.
now i dont have any choice but to continue walking under the rain.