How do I get her back: Hi I have just... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support
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How do I get her back

Ridding-83
Ridding-83

Hi I have just been diagnosed with severe anxiety. I found out after seeing some one after my wife left telling me she could not handle me anymore. I would tell her I do not feel like me and try and avoid fights because I had no control. As things got worse at work I was becoming withdrawn. My wife told me not to shut her out but that is not something I could control. I am dying each day inside

11 Replies
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I am sorry your wife left you over this, and it does sound like she was trying....and yes, without professional help sometimes...we just can't seem to find a way out of how we are feeling. I would get professional help if you can and maybe read some posts and comments on what others have done to help themselves or have learned to cope with this disease.

Hidden
Hidden

Hello Ridding!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Relationships can be so hard and overly emotional.

I believe that we absolutely have control over our thoughts and actions, unless you’re delusional or psychotic. Don’t sell yourself short or use your mental illness as a crutch. We have to help ourselves! I do know how hard that can be, but to me, the buck stops here. If you don’t have control over yourself, who does? 🍀🌺🍀

Ridding-83
Ridding-83
in reply to Hidden

It’s not as simple as having control. My psychologist told me that I do not have control and that I am trapped and it’s like an out of body experience for me. She told me I have spent my life trying to make everybody happy that I am fearing letting anyone down. I go into flight or fight mode and not being aware of this I did not understand that I did not have control

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Ridding-83

The concept is simple...it’s the work associated with it that’s difficult. If I don’t take on the responsibility, I stay sick. Awareness is everything and helps us know what work needs to be done. Your psychologist sounds like a defeatist...telling you that you have no control is absurd, or did you misinterpret what he/she was saying. I sincerely wish the best for you!

Ridding-83
Ridding-83
in reply to Hidden

She is not saying I don’t have control but during an episode I don’t. I really don’t think you should be commenting on people a posts.

I never said I do not have control as I am strong and will beat this. She said that I have not had control due to self doubt and pushing people away because I cannot make everyone happy.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Ridding-83

If you’re not interested in honesty from people here who are trying to be helpful (like myself), then maybe you don’t need to post. The problem lies with the fact that I’m not telling you what you want to hear. If you’re not capable of identifying good intentions from others or weighing their input, then maybe you shouldn’t ask.

Suggesting that I not respond to posts just clarifies that you’re seeking excuses for your behavior rather than a solution. Staying sick is your call...it’s your life...have at it...I hope you find enough excuses to cover all the bases.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Hidden

I would like to apologize for the above reply. Way too harsh...I’m actually glad you’re here and expressing yourself. We both have that right. It’s ok for you to be where you are and the same goes for me. You never know...maybe the next time we cross paths the circumstances will be different. Honestly wishing you well...🌷🙂🌷

Ridding

Anxiety can cause Partners to back away as they become unable to break through to the person and their possible unreasonable needs. You are in a position now where you know your problems so you need to step up and address your Fears and Concerns.

Life is not easy, I have several chronic conditions and it can really upset my wife and even the dog. You have an incentive to pull yourself around. When it comes to decisions or requests, my Wife gets a little flustrated.

It is up to you to learn coping techniques, Mindfulness Relaxation Technique may help.

Hobbies and Diversions will help distract you from your Worries and Fears.

Understand, yes you have needs, also consider others need to address their Life problems as well.

Thank you. I have started a journal and will be taking back my life. I did not even see what people thought of me until I started apologising for what I have said/done. I have not had a bad response with everyone saying they noticed a change. Today I cycled 45Km and have signed up for some fitness challenges.

As I clear my head I understand my words still come from me and they are something I must take responsibility for. But those who love me will forgive me

It sounds like your wife was trying to help you, but often we realize we are out of realm of what we can and can not do for another person. I suggest that since you now know what your diagnose is you work hard along with professional help in becoming the best you that you can be, and then perhaps if you can open up to your wife, explain what was going on, what is going on now, and the steps you've taken to eliminate your portion of the problems you all had in your relationship then perhaps she might have a change of heart? That might mean days, weeks, or years down the line, that could mean both individual and joint counseling, or it could mean that things are not going to return to where you both want them to be, but only time will tell. First and foremost though it is important to take care of yourself, learn to control the things that you claim you can not control at the moment, and then and only then attempt to move forward from there. You must learn to be able to control yourself, your actions, and your own life before you will be able to actively or productively share it. Good Luck!

Thank you I believe you are right

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