I wanted to give a little background to let everyone why I am here. About two years ago I was diagnosed with an anxiety and a panic disorder. My wife and I had just had a little girl and we're both going for a management position at the same company. Company policy allowed it because we were always the same level and if one of us did get it, we just had to be in separate buildings. Recommendation, don't ever compete with someone you love. I ended up getting it and my wife and I got into a huge argument. All of a sudden in the middle of it, my first panic struck. I began hyperventilating and sweating profusely, literally thought I was dying. I didn't know if it was a heart attack or what.
Fast forward, I was diagnosed, my wife left her job to stay home with our daughter and I'm left as the sole provider. Well, any manager of a company can tell you, things get shady at the top. I had ideas stolen, ostracized for not hiring someone's friend, and finally was thrown into a very difficut situation where my company was lying to the client. This is big money I'm talking about. Not to mention, no one knew what was going on.
This caused me to demote myself to an analyst position, but I was so screwed up when I started that I messed everything up. Well I broke down in front of my boss (embarrassing as hell) who believe it or not took it seriously. My job depends on others work completion and then in a matter of just a few days, I have to compile all there work and send it. A lot of people are upset w me as i have to point out there mistakes when compiling, and I'm not a manager. I often can't eat and have lost a ton of weight. I also puke most days do to nerves or self hatred.
Luckily my wife and I are better than ever. She went back to work and is super supportive of me. I am finally talking to someone again this week and hope they can help. My brain is now affecting my health and it scares the crap outta me.
Sorry for the long post but there's actually a lot more to it, but I'm not going to tell you my whole past in the first post lol. If you made it this far, thank you for listening.