I was recently released from a mental care facility where I spent 4 days on suicide watch. I was released because I felt I was in a safer place and had better coping skills.
Now that I'm home, I feel like nothing has changed. I still wake up and think "Jesus, this shit again?" My anxiety make me feel like I'm having a heart attack. Each time I hope that I finally am, that its finally going to be over. I'm struggling to go to my job because the customers I work with are horrible. Knowing that I'm going to be screamed at throws me into panic attacks and prevents me from showing up. This in turn feeds my depression because I feel like a failure. I can barely get out of bed. Then my failure to do my job feeds my anxiety. I'm stuck in the feedback loop from hell.
While I was in the facility, I went to group therapy. It did not help. Not one person said they struggle with the same feelings. Not one person mentioned that they wish they had the courage to finally end it. Not one person said they cant get out of the same feedback loop. They all seemed happy and like they were coping well with their problems.
I feel very alone.
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HekatHushla
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I am so sorry that you are experiencing anxiety, panic, depression, and loneliness. We can relate. We get it. We know that it's extremely painful. It's great that you are reaching out to people here. It's good to connect with other people. Please also follow the other steps in your safety plan.
I know you didn't ask for suggestions, so feel free to ignore the following info if it doesn't appeal to you. (Everyone has a unique path... you are the expert on you.)
You are not alone I can assure you. I feel the same way. Luckily I'm retired so I don't have to go to work. But doing anything is a major chore but I force myself to do some things
Welcome to the group. You will not feel alone here. So many kind and caring people.
This is a safe place to talk about how you feel. You will get honest feed back from people who can relate to things you are feeling.
You are not a failure. Depression is an illness that takes so much away from us that we feel that way. We have to fight to get better. You can do this. We are all here to listen and support you.
I share your struggle. I wish I was brave enough and strong enough to let go...To end it all. I tell myself I’m living for others, but maybe I’ve stayed because I’m too much of a coward to let go.
I feel this acutely. The one thing I hold onto is my big sister and how devastated she would be if I were gone. She's my best friend in the whole world and we've been through so much together. We already lost our mom; I couldn't bear to make her outlive her sister.
I know how you feel. Two years ago I went to a mental facility because I was suicidal. The majority of the people there acted like they were on a vacation. I did not get one thing out of my stay there and will never go back to one of those facilities. I'm having suicidal thoughts now due to the pandemic and me living alone and being alone. I'm hanging to this life, but can't wait for it to be over with. I have prayed to God to take my life, but he hasn't. I'm scared that if I did try to commit suicide, I would fail and be mangled in some form for life. All I can say is pray to God for strength. I feel for you.
Years ago my daughter tried to kill herself twice, she was 21 and ended up in a mental care facility. While she was there I tried to help, I even went to meetings with her and others. She never said a word, I waited in vain, then she met a man at that place. She moved in with him, although he was as bad as her mentally. I was worried but they had a daughter, she is now nearly fifty, my grandaughter is 21. My daughter decided to cut herself off from me and her family. She is still with her partner, they never did marry, but they coped well over the years. What I am trying to say is never give up, there is a future for you.
Sorry sometimes seems so weak. But I feel for your feelings. I have no answers as I am in a similar place. I agree with you I had to go to an outpatient hospitalization program and all the people were frustrating to me as they all seemed to benefit from the group or were coping well while I just sat there falling apart
I'm now almost 67 & 4 years ago admitted myself for a breakdown. I felt safe there as I was with others who were also in a bad way, but the group therapy was worthless & all the doctors did was load a bunch of meds on me. After I was released I did alot of research online for therapists & luckily found one who truly helped me. I was very proactive in helping myself & bought a book by David Burns, MD called "Feeling Good" & did the worksheets on cognitive behavioral therapy. My therapist worked with me on the CBT, I did everything I could to find places to go & be around people (I struggle with isolation), joined classes at a senior center, found a social group to join, went for nature walks as much as possible, & eventually got a part-time job. I still struggle with anxiety but now know how to deal with it much better. Don't ever give up, but you must make up your mind to fight depression & then take the baby steps to get better. I had hit rock bottom & had planned out my suicide, but I'm still here & know you can get to a better place, but you have to do the work to get there & with a good therapist you can do it. Good luck.
Hi, i have and am going through the same and the same thoughts. Have been in hospitals several times over the years. It has been a long slow
lonely road. Ask your gp for referral to a psychologist or a CPN to help you look at coping mechanisms and dealing with/changing thought processes. It might help. I am working through 4 work booklets on Emotions. I will try anything. Also means i havesomeone to talk to as i have no friends. Stay strong x
So sorry!!!! It’s awful isn’t it! People are mean. Is there another job you can get or talk to your manager? Maybe a low dose of medication?? Therapist never helped me. Your not alone... suicide has entered my mind, long story. But it may not work=vegetable. Do you have a higher power? Believe in God? Mental illness is sad. Nobody knows unless you have it. Feel free to message me! Prayers to you
You're not alone. I understand how you are feeling. The feedback loop from hell that you mentioned is something I deal with daily to. I don't get the luxury of getting to properly deal with it though. The military doesn't care what your mental state is and I have dogs that depend on me to get out of bed. Two out of three of my dogs are why I'm still alive so I don't have it in me to let them down. I haven't even been in this group for a full day yet and so far so many people have been super amazing. You are not alone in your feelings.
This sounds too familiar...I keep leaving my residence and staying w various family members thinking this will help how I feel....I am finding I feel better and empowered...ready to take on the world...hust to return to my residence...and feel like my time away was for nothing ..as soon as I step foot back into this dungeon...I feel sad, alone, trapped, hopeless ..what the f am I doing wrong?!
I want to feel better..I want to get a job...I want to function the way I used to..I am broken...
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Worrying about my son
No job, no goals, no idea
When you feel like you just aren't enough
trying to hang on 
I dont know what I'm doing here.
