Hello everyone, new guy here

[Jason337]

Hi everyone. I just joined the community and wanted to post an introduction and let you all know why I'm here. Basically I've been suffering with panic disorder for the past 10 years. While panic attacks have been a constant part of my life for the past decade, I've gone through phases where I'm able to manage them successfully and not get bothered by them. Unfortunately I'm not in one of those good phases now, and for the past several months my fear has gotten much, much worse. I am having major problems traveling outside my home when I have to travel any further than a couple miles. I work full time about 5 miles from my home (via back roads with no traffic and no major highways) and I've been struggling even with such a short commute.

My symptoms are the usual for panic disorder: fear that there's something seriously wrong with me, fear of heart problems, fear of losing control, feeling short of breath, depersonalization, etc. Lately I am in a constant state of anxiety and feel like I need to force every breath in and out, and I spend almost all my time anticipating or preparing for a panic attack. Obviously this is no way to live.

I've tried various medications over the years, including Lexapro, Zoloft, Buspar and a beta blocker. Interestingly the time periods I've felt the best were when I was not on medication. I am not against medication at all and know how much good it does for some, but for me it came with too many side effects and was just another way for me to avoid the panic feelings. I had been taking Lexapro for 3 years, but stopped it in July after an 8 month taper from 20mg down to 0. I know stopping the medication is why I'm currently so much more anxious than normal, but I am surprised that I feel like I'm continuing to get worse even 4 months after stopping the Lexapro. Part of me says I should just get back on it, while another part of me wants to figure out how to deal with panic disorder without medication.

So that's my story... I'm here to get some insights, and hopefully offer some of my own advice on things I've found that help. I'm grateful there's a community of caring people who can relate to what I'm going through, it makes me feel a little less alone. Thanks for reading!

[hwestemeier]

Wow! I have been going through the same exact thing.. I work 5 miles from home and I don't drive anywhere besides that. I have became terrified of literally everything! I stopped my meds a couple of months ago after being on them for three years. I was fine for awhile but my aniexty got so bad again I decided i had to go back on them . I've been back on them for about a month and have had little to no change. I'm scheduled to start counseling on Thursday so I'm hoping that helps. I'm also going to try and start working out at the gym. I'm sorry I don't have any solid advice for you right now..its pretty much trial and error to find out what helps and what doesn't. Just know you are not alone ❤

[Jason337 in reply to hwestemeier]

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're in the same boat as me, but it does make me feel a bit less crazy to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope restarting the meds gives you relief from your anxiety. I debate about restarting mine just about every day. I have heard that it can take a little for them kick back in after you restart them, but hopefully you're well on your way to getting some relief.

[Time4Grace]

Hi Jason, this is a great place to find support, and help from others that experience the same issues you're having. I also suffer with it. My whole family does to different degrees. I was at my worst three years ago. I had three major operations within two years and felt like like I would never feel normal and relaxed again. I was inconsolable. My anxiety went through the roof. But, I'm here to say I made it through all that (even after losing my son unexpectedly). You will to. My other son suffers with anxiety and panic attacks and is still grieving for his big brother. At the same time he lost his brother his wife of two years got pregnant by another man adding to his misery. And yet he is persevering and starting over at 32. He does not want to be on any medications so he is working through all this on his own, and he is winning. He is in his second year of college working toward becoming an engineer. He works out every morning, eats a VERY healthy diet, drinks water ALL day long and studies hard. His secret? When he has a panic attack he doesn't fight it. He does DEEP BREATHING until it passes. He has learned to accept it, and not be afraid of it. He does see a doctor regularly to keep track of any issues that come up, or even just to be reassured his heart is alright. He had high blood pressure as well and has that under control now with his lifestyle changes. I hope this has given you hope for a brighter future, and at least a little insight to what others go through and how they handle it. Carol xx

[Jason337 in reply to Time4Grace]

Thank you for your reply and your advice. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago, which is when the anxiety started for me (she was 50 and I was 23 at the time). The grief never really does go away does it, but in time it gets a little better. Wishing you and your family the best.

[EricE]

Hang in there Jason. I found I did not like Lexapro either but am too scared to go without meds. For me, just knowing that I'm having a panic attack as opposed to actually dying is a Godsend. You are not that far off the medication and your brain may still be adjusting to life without Lexapro. Know that what you are feeling is temporary and use this place as much as you can. I'm new here to but I can already see its potential. Peace brother.

[Jason337 in reply to EricE]

Thanks for that EricE. Yes if I could just get my brain to realize I'm not dying or going crazy during a panic attack, that would solve all my problems! It seems so simple but as all of us know it's not so clear-cut. Good luck in your recovery and peace to you as well.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Welcome! This sight has been such a positive to me! Personally it helps knowing I’m not alone! There are so many ways of coping with panic disorder, which I have, without medicine. Exercise is the BEST medicine. Coupled with diet. There are all natural serotonin vitamins as well. I absolutely recommend seeing a therapist or even a life coach. I’ve known some that can have online sessions until you can get back out there. I know that feeling well. That’s why I don’t go. When I do make an appointment I cancel. You can also start with small changes like exercise and diet until you are reading. Just breathe! That’s the first step. Sometimes meds give us relief at first but eventually I feel can make us worse because meds for mental illness have the side effect of mental illness ironically. You’ve taken the first step. This too shall pass!

[Jason337 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I like your observation - "meds for mental illness have the side effect of mental illness ironically". For me every medication is a trade off. Lexapro reduced the panic for me, but it came nowhere close to solving the problem and caused all kinds of other issues for me along the way. I'm trying my hardest to adopt new ways of thinking about panic while also giving up Lexapro, which sometimes feels like an insurmountable obstacle. But I'm going to keep trying. Thanks for your words of wisdom!

[Dontpanicjule]

Hi Jason, just read your story and it is similar to mine. I have suffered for the last 6 years on and off. I was on zoloft for many years and it worked for me. Then my daughter had a series of very difficult pregnancies that could have been life-threatening. I went right back into panic. Fortunately, she now has three beautiful little boys and is taking good care of herself, but I have been stuck in and out of panic. I am now taking 50 mgs., which is deslenfexamine. I started back in July. It is a low dose. I also take a .5 klonopin every am which also helps. After around 2 pm, I am home free and feel pretty good. I think the things that work best for me are keeping occupied and being around other people, talking, walking the dog, exercise and mindfulness. I have also gotten a machine called the Resperator which really helps regulate my breathing and lowers blood presure. A little pricey, though. My therapist and I practice focusing,,, part of a therapy developed by a doctor named Eugene Gendlin. His book is called "Focusing" and it really helps you get in touch with your bodily sensations first, which then help you control the mind process.

I wish you peace. Don't stop working or being with people, and continue to reach out on this site. There are many of us who feel as you do. And always remember, it's in your power to stop the suffering. Be grateful for small moments of peace and know that there are more out there.

My very best,

Don't panic Jule

[Jason337 in reply to Dontpanicjule]

Thank you Dontpanicjule. I looked up "Focusing" on Amazon and am intrigued by the method, so I went ahead and ordered it. Thank you for your recommendation and your words of wisdom!

[Windy101]

I'm more of a depression/social anxiety person, somehow have been spared panic attacks, but I do want to say welcome and that I hope you will find some strength and comfort here knowing you are not alone. Welcome!

[Jason337 in reply to Windy101]

Thank you Windy. I often suspect that I also have social anxiety (and probably OCD) along with panic disorder, though I've never been officially diagnosed as having them. All of the anxiety spectrum disorders seem to be closely related though, in one way or another. I'm happy that you don't have to experience panic attacks, and I hope it stays that way! Thanks again for your reply.

[Madison10]

Hi Jason

I just read your post, sounds like you have a lot going on. I can share some experiences with you. I have a depression and anxiety issue. I can’t seem to manage it. Panic attacks , no one can understand how aweful they feel. Your leaving your home is one of my issues. For me it is forced and I think the more I do things the better. But once I am out of the house I feel better , do you? You really should have your doctor manage your mess. It’s not good to do it yourself. I did once and it was a disaster. I think a good start for you to go to your doctor and start you on something. I don’t like taking anything either but I’m better with it. The world is tuff and we all need help. If you want to talk or would like a new friend, I’m hear, I am a good listener. Nice meeting you

[Jason337 in reply to Madison10]

Thanks Madison10 it's nice to meet you too. Yes I definitely have to force it to leave the house. If I don't have to I just don't, and when I have to, it's like I need to summon all the energy I have to get myself to do it. For example yesterday, I met my dad for lunch and to watch some football at his house, which requires a 20 minute drive on a major highway (I live in the Northeast US, where the numbers 76, 78 and 95 strike fear into the heart of every panic sufferer!). We get together every Sunday, and every Sunday morning I wake up with dread knowing I have to do it. Yesterday after I was out for awhile I did begin to feel better, which I try to use as motivation to do it again the next time. Today I'm at work, and just counting down the hours until I can leave (and also distracting myself spending time on this site!) When I left the house this morning for work I actually felt OK, but inevitably at some point I always end up feeling crappy and need to resist the urge to leave early and head home. Today that happened around 11am, but I'm forcing myself to endure it and not leave. I appreciate your advice about talking to my doctor. My primary care physician is who prescribes my medication. When I tapered off the Lexapro and began to experience heightened anxiety, she wanted to immediately put me on something else. I understand doctors are trying to solve the problem, but I've already tried Zoloft, Buspar, Lexapro and a long time ago was even on Wellbutrin. I'm not opposed to medication, and for those it works for I think that's wonderful, but for me right now I want to try to get better without it. I know I'm making it harder on myself, but after 10 years I'm trying to find a lasting solution to my problem instead of staying on the medication merry go round. I may ultimately go back on something, but I'm willing to give it a few more months at least to see if I can manage without it.

[Jason337]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond and for your kind words. I've only been on here for a few days, and already I'm finding comfort and strength from what I've read.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Meds don’t solve problems. You take meds while you learn how to establish coping skills, diet, exercise etc. and live with your illness. There is no cure. We all have good days or weeks etc. Just like how cancer goes into remission, so can mental illness. To me meds are like a bandaid while you try to solve the problems causing and learn skills to cope with it with a therapist. The best medicine is exercise! So take a walk. Take a deep breath of cool crisp air and stop and smell the roses or enjoy Gods beauty and blessing to us all around you. There is an underlying cause of anxiety, depression, PTSD etc. That’s what you need to work on solving or fixing because if not you will never heal. I have faith in you! Go out and check nquer the world. Confidence to me is one of the most attractive qualities in someone. Maybe because I don’t have it. I’m not sure. I think we all also feel better when we feel justified. If your doing something you are good at and feel confident you feel better than if you are doing something you know nothing about and you’re nervous. So stand tall and rock this world! We are all only here a short time in the grand scheme of things! 😀

[Jason337 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Very well put! You sound like you could be a motivational speaker. You certainly sound confident even if you don't always feel it - I know how that goes. I agree with you about the meds, I think I've used them these past 3 years as just another way of avoiding panic, and avoidance has been my biggest downfall and what's keeping me from getting better. I'll look back at your motivational post the next time I need some inspiration!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

First step is identifying and accepting the problem. You seem to be doing that now if not back then. Hold your head high and kick some anxiety butt! You got this. Here if needed for an ear. Much easier to focus on other people’s problems than your own. Those who can’t, teach. Isn’t that the saying. Easier said than done. My whole life has been dedicated to helping others. I just never took time to help myself. I get more satisfaction helping others. This is a great site. Hope it helps you!