New girl on the block

[kemanya]

Hi, I'm new to the group and I suffer from GAD, clinical depression and PTSD. I used maladaptive coping skills when I was younger, but I was incredibly lucky, because one day I just thought about drinking and decided it wasn't good for me, so I just stopped. I'm sickened by the idea that I cut myself to relieve the anxiety symptoms, but I cut carefully, because I haven't lost hope that one day I'll be better and I won't have so much to explain. My family have totally rejected me because they either don't believe I'm ill, or they're ashamed of it. I can't ask them, because we don't speak. I'm funny and kind and sweet and gentle. I never tell lies, I've never cheated on anyone, I have a very strong moral code, but I've worked all my life - even when I haven't had paid employment because of my illnesses, I've managed to help in some way, volunteering in various positions, with children mainly, because as I was an abused child, I always felt an affinity towards them. I feel as if the person I am was locked away and the worst of it is, that I locked her away - or something in me locked her away. But I have hope.

[Agora1]

And that is what is most important kemanya, having hope and believing you can and will get better no matter how many years have gone by. It sounds like you have a very big heart in helping others but there comes a time that you have to put yourself first and get the help you need in order to start making changes in your life. I'm glad you realized that drinking wasn't the answer and of course neither is cutting. You have a very good command in thinking psychologically. I think that abused child got locked away and forgotten about and until that is addressed, the lost adult that is you keeps looking for answers.

You have found a wonderful, caring support group of men and women of all ages with all issues. It takes courage to share our lives but it helps in bonding with others and not feeling so alone. I don't know if you may be on medication or having therapy. Those 2 methods go together in helping you go forward by ridding yourself of the past, getting unstuck from past and moving on. It takes a professional to do this but with that we can and will support you emotionally. You are not alone. This is a safe place to come to vent your fears and worries. We hold each others hands and hearts. Everyone contributes a different strength, yours is "hope". Don't ever lose that. Hope and Believe that this too will pass. Looking forward in seeing you on the forum. xx

[MoonChild2]

Hang in there Kemanya... I’m going through something similar and you described it perfectly. It feels like you locked the real you inside and by your owns means. Keep your hope alive and the voluntary work you’re doing is incredible. Keep at it, it’s important. ❤️