Damaged girl inside

[Foreverbroken31]

I told my friend to meet me at the park yesterday afternoon. When I'm feeling down I tend to push her away but I love her like my sister I basically see her as my only sister because my actual siblings don't like me that much or understand me. So she gets to the park she has her kids which I love deeply and the go to play while I stay on the bench with their mom. we are talking well I always do the talking and I see my goddaughter and her sister have gun with a girl there and I tell my friend how easy it is for them to make friends wish we can be their age again. when friendships were based on have fun and enjoying ourselves. she agrees with me. Thr point to this is while I'm talking to her, she sees over her shoulder the mother of the girl playing with my nieces. They start talking and all of sudden it's like I don't belong there. I get up with my nephew in my arms and walk away. I start thinking why, am I that boring are my problems annoying her. I try my best to get back to her but I hear her laugh and it breaks me. it's not jealousy it's pain to see that everytime I see her all I do is whine about my life. I try to sit while they speak but I can't and grab the stroller and decide to walk away to hid my pain. My head is racing... You are a bad friend,.... See what you do to the only friend you have,... this is why people walk out of your life. Why does this hurt so much? Why is she ignoring me. Why am I the problem always. I walking away from her life it's better this way. She deserves a friend that doesn't whine about her life 24/7 my mind is racing I look down at my nephew and he is smiling at me and I smile back. I tell him why is she happy with a stranger and not me. He just smiles at me I hold back my tears. I go back to her and I tell her I'm going over to my house to put bug replent on but I want to avoid her eyes. She asks if I'm coming back I say yes but inside I'm saying NO. My house is across this park I get home trying so hard to avoid the tears but I can't. I sit on a chair in the dining table and start crying with so much pain. My head says I don't need this kind of pain right now. While my heart cries why am I not loved enough 💔 To the damaged girl inside of me I'm sorry baby I also wish I was stronger but I'm not.

[Hidden]

It sounds like your friend is just making an effort to speak to the other mum. I'm not saying your imagining it, just maybe interpreting it wrong. But don't be hard on yourself, I feel the same way sometimes and sometimes it's very real. Either way try not to internalise it.

[Foreverbroken31 in reply to Hidden]

I know thanks for replying. I'm trying my best

[Hidden in reply to Foreverbroken31]

Hey that's all you can do. Remember you didn't do anything wrong. We all have a different perspectives on the same situation. All we can do is try and look at it from a more positive perspective. I'm not saying we can do this all the time.

[Foreverbroken31]

They are my best medicine for my broken heart 🥰

[hypercat54]

Every true friendship has to be based on give and take and the connection has to be mutual. It is impossible to do this if one person does all the talking and the other all the listening. I am not being funny with you but all you seem to be doing is putting all your problems onto her. That's not friendship - that is using her as a free counsellor. I am basing my answer purely on what you have said so if I am wrong please feel free to say so.

I am honestly not having a go at you love but it's fine to be a good talker but you also have to cultivate being a good listener too. Is it possible for you to go to therapy to talk about all your issues instead?

Also I have found that by putting my own problems aside and concentrating on enjoying myself instead I feel better about myself anyway.

Everyone no matter how great their life seems has issues so let your friend do some of the talking. Ask her how she is, how the children are, and give her the chance to speak too.

You will be amazed how much better you feel to give yourself a break from your thoughts and your friend sounds lovely so try and do more of this if you can. I am sure you are a very good person at heart and you are aware of your issues. Remember that no matter how 'damaged' you feel everyone can achieve some degree of recovery.

[Foreverbroken31]

Yes I just hope I'm blessed with some of my own some day