So I've been seeing my boys every other day and in the happiest I've ever been when I'm with them. I tend to hit my really low points when I'm not with them though. At night I cry and cry I'm so sad to be away from them. But I find I'm getting through it. Sometimes the suicidal thoughts still cross my mind as an out to my pain. But I don't believe in them and I know I have so much to live for. Its just the overwhelming sadness trying to keep me down. I don't let it. I've been trying 110% to keep myself physically or mentally busy. I've been on zoloft now for 10 days so its building up in my system now and im hoping to start seeing a bigger difference soon. I have not had contact with my children's father and even though at times I feel week and I feel lonely im making it by. I went to court he didn't show. But im on a positive track to getting my boys home for good. And we can be finally happy. And safe. .. Also haven't started working yet. I've applied to quite a few places but nothing falling through yet. Going to continue to try my best to stay positive and going to continue to put in my absolute best effort. . this site has been so helpful not only because it allows me an outlet to my feelings and thoughts and also that i get support and good advice. I can connect with people on similar issues and also give advice where I feel I have good words to give. So please continue to interact and connect with me any time. You guys are my supports. Its only me. And my boys who are babies.. I need this support.