Not sure what to do next

[xglitterkibblex]

Im new to the group. Im only 23 but have suffered from severe depression for 8 years & my anxiety started in 2017. I wasnt diagnosed til last year when i finally gave in to trying medicine to help myself get better for my family. Ive gotten worse in the past 2 years that i dont know who i am anymore. Im at my lowest. 2 days ago at work realized i had hit my breaking point when i didnt even last an 1 hour at work before i started fighting myself and panicing because i felt trapped. Today i unfortunately decided to quit with only todays notice because i knew if i went back it would happen again and i didnt want to risk it. I didnt want to have a mental breakdown in the middle of the grocery store. I feel bad. I never left a job just out of nowhere but my mental health is more important. My supervisor is angry but i feel that i shouldnt explain myself. She probably doesnt care that i left to get help but i need help trying to figure should i still explain to my manager the actual reason ? I never talk to people about my problems. Ive always hidden it. And where do i go from here to helping myself get better ? Im unsure on where to start.

[Two_Of_Me]

Hi xglitterkibblex,

This is tough stuff. Good thing you came here. This is a place where you are likely to find plenty of people who can understand how you are feeling.

A little general purpose wisdom, hard earned... don't leave behind you burnt bridges. You never know when you might return. In this case, it might be very wise to actually talk to your supervisor and explain exactly what happened and why you abruptly quit. You may find that while this person was inconvenienced by having to shuffle schedules, that in fact, they may have more compassion and understanding about your situation. At the very least, you will give that person an understanding about why you had to withdraw and you will also have this off of your conscience and your mind.

Then, find someone you can really talk to about all of this. In person, face to face. Best person might be a therapist or mental health provider. You mention you never talk to anyone else about your problems, but you absolutely must in order to find relief.

You have made a brave first step here today by reaching out to this community. Now, the next step will be to find someone in your local community who can help you. Talking about this, exploring the medications you have been using, and getting support are the keys to relief.

The first person you have to have in mind as you try to get relief is yourself. Once you have the inner strength to manage, then all of the people around you will see this and help you further. You can't try to "fix yourself" for other people. So, first, compassion for yourself above all else will be the very best thing you can do.

1. Find a mental health professional who you can talk to immediately

2. Explain the situation to your employer (your employer may be able to help!!)

3. Find a longer term relationship with a therapist and doctor to help you both with your meds and with talking about what's going on. You have to share this in order to get help!!

Please let us know how you are doing. This place is filled with people who know just how you are feeling...

[xglitterkibblex in reply to Two_Of_Me]

I finally talked to my supervisor and she actually was accepting. It made both of us feel so much better that i opened up and explained my situation. Thank you for the advice

[Two_Of_Me in reply to xglitterkibblex]

Nice! Kudos to you for having the bravery to do that!!

Great to hear that your supervisor accepted you and listened. Having some closure there must feel good. Now you can invest your energies into continuing to work on the root causes and get back to stability!!

Reach out any time to talk here.

[AwakenedExistence]

I will tell you, I have had to do the same thing! Misses work due to depression that left me in bed. I no call no showed for days because I was depressed. And I went back in a few days and explained it. They were so understanding. They had my back. Even if it won't get your job back, maybe it will. Maybe they'll let you take some time off and then call when you're up to working again. You would be surprised. So many more people have mental illness than you even realize, we have just been taught to not talk about it, rather older gens have been taught that.

[AwakenedExistence]

Also, therapist is an amazing and life changing step. Just remember, you might not click at first. I had a few different therapy experiences before I started seeing the one that I realized "Hey, this is what therapy is supposed to be like". She understood me, I felt a connection, and was not afraid to talk to her about anything, even suicide and self harm. And I had never told anyone that before. So don't give it up on the first try! It changed my life.

I noticed you said that you tried medicine to help yourself get better "for your family". Why not for yourself? Do you have any support at home? How do you feel your mental illness affects your family?? How do they talk to you and respond to you through it? What are their thoughts? How do you feel about your mental illness, personally?? I k ow you said it affects your job. But what do you feel about yourself through this? How do you view yourself? What are some things that make you happy?

[xglitterkibblex in reply to AwakenedExistence]

I want to for myself but i wanted to do it for my family also it. Its causing problems with me & my fiances relationship. We constantly argue because for some reason little things just irritate me and he tries to understand that sometimes its just hard to help my fluctuating mood but he says he gets frustrated because he wants to help but he seems that hes just making things worse. I want myself to feel better to be happy with my family when it seems that im dragging them down with me. Its just me, my fiance, & our 1 year old daughter. I try to do things that make me happy but nothing is helping. I started trying to do my makeup more since i love makeup but then i start having anxiety attacks alot when i do. I used to draw alot but i have no concentration for anything anymore. I barely sleep at night and thats frustrating also to start your day feeling bad.

[xglitterkibblex in reply to AwakenedExistence]

And i dont view myself in a good way. I feel miserable and its hard for me to like anything about myself. I try but i constantly doubt the positive thoughts.

[Mine564]

Omg me too. I Straight up freaked out and did a no call no show. I want to explain cuz i feel horrible like ive let them all down. But i want to know more about what im going through first. before i "TRY" explaining it to someone else