guilt

[kw41716]

well , i was informed by my mother that i’m the reason for her stress , im the reason she goes to her counselor, im the reason they upped her medicine for her depression and anxiety because of me . it’s all me ! 😭😭😭😭😭

[HearYou]

Well, "ain't that a crock of s ." You manage to have the most interesting challenges in your life. You'll deal with this in the best way possible for you as you have other challenges. But I don't think dwelling on this one is worth your time and concern. It is what it is. And everyone has opinions, even mothers. If you can handle her saying this to you, ok, that's fine. If you prefer not to hear it, you could set boundaries on conversation topics. I just think maybe you might not consider it too seriously while she is working through her issues, unless you think she's right. Then that's an entirely different situation and you may decide to work together, with professional help, in resolving what she is saying.

Unfortunately, mothers can have issues too, even if that hurts us. Not all mothers are the loving mom's like on the old TV programs like Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, or Lassie. Because TV is not real life. Best wishes to you in dealing with this situation.

[deborah27]

are you responsive to some advice from someone who is looking in from the outside?

[kw41716 in reply to deborah27]

i have no clue what that means 😂

[deborah27]

well, what it means is... sometimes when you are in the middle of something it can be overwhelming and it can be helpful to hear from someone who isn't emotionally involved.

[kw41716 in reply to deborah27]

i think it can be , i defiantly like to get help from my fiancé and close friends that know about the situation but isn’t involved in it

[deborah27 in reply to kw41716]

perfect. you sound as though you have it sussed.

[gogogirl]

Sounds like she does not want to take responsibility for herself. No, it is not you. Sorry to hear about all of that. Sure, we interract with other people, but they ( we) are responsible for how we handle the situation. Sounds like she is someone who likes to blame others, and you absorb it. Nobody is all responsible for what someone elses' life is like. It sounds like she has been quite hurtful to you. In my "great" opinion, whoa if she cannot be a better role model for communication even with therapy, it's time to set boundaries. BTW, how does the exalted sister deal with all of this?

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

i don’t talk to my sister . i warned her my jr and senior year in high school when i was put in the lock down unit all 4 times . she didn’t believe me because she’s been gone away to college almost 5 years now and has never been here to see what goes on sadly .

[gogogirl]

How sad that she does not believe you- some people live in denial then when they get older life catches up to them. I have seen this happen with some older people and it's very sad. There is someone in the community who had a career, retirement the whole nine yards and depression caught up to her through her childhood. She ended up pushing her whole family away.

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

i’ve thought and almost considered not having my family at the party of my wedding because mom is one to control anything and everything , i don’t want her to control MY wedding . she’s had two of her own . i don’t want to push them away but it’s sad that i can’t stand if my mom even texts me when i’m with my fiancé , wanting to know where i’m at , what i’m doing , who am i hanging with , etc . ill admit i have pushed mom away once before due to this exact same thing she’s doing now .

[gogogirl]

So.... the "exalted" sister who left the family behind is in denial and does not want to hear about anything. I wonder- does she talk to your mom? At any rate, this is YOUR wedding. Sometimes family wants to get involved- yes we went through some drama also-but it is still your wedding. Hope you can find a way to get better boundaries and peace.

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

my sister doesn’t talk to mom much . it is my wedding but if my mom knew the music i listen to and who i truly am she would be so angry at me and probably won’t talk to me . i want to be able to be me at my wedding and not have to be someone i’m not

[gogogirl]

So oh my- here you are helping to hold down the so called fort but the queen left them behind. Interesting. You will be you at your wedding- it is your wedding not hers. And the music - and who you truly are- well as long as you are not jumping out of airplane ( just being "wise") then have a good time and roll with it. Remember, you are marrying your fiancee not your mom. When is the wedding? Sounds like pardon me- your mom needs to loosen up, and you need to have more confidence. You can do this!

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

i’m not one who likes airplanes so we good 😂 he has to finish school before we will set a date , maybe 2019 we hope

[gogogirl]

Hey, it goes fast. I can't believe we've been married for over two decades. Well, I like that response to the airplane! I might have asked before ( senior moment) but what is he taking up at school? There are so many more majors now since I attended.

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

Electrical Engineering , after his internship he will be making $43/hr , which i’m excited about !

[gogogirl]

Well, that is something to be excited about. So..... things are coming together in that way.

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

yeah , everything is together just got speed bump in the way (mom), like everyone has in life

[gogogirl]

I see what you are saying- a good way to look at it. Before you know it- you guys will have your own place.

[kw41716 in reply to gogogirl]

soon ... soon

[gogogirl]

That's great- something to really look forward to as well.

[cmeanonymous]

Well heck my mom is the reason I go to therapy.

It’s not all you. It’s her and her ability (inability) to handle stress in her life. Unless you’re a narcissist or abusive, this is on her.

[kw41716 in reply to cmeanonymous]

i was raised to never raise my hand to my mother or yell/raise my voice at her

[Sue84]

Omgosh! Don't fall dor it!!! I have a manipulative mother who has issues and did this to me after HER actions in my childlife caused my ptsd!! Please dont fall for it. Took me years!!

[crazy_feeling_momma]

As a mom with a child who has some issues we are working through an a daughter of a mom who is bi polar an refuses meds some times u just have to not accept responsibility of the guilt they are trying to lay on you because it is not the reality of what's really going on an it's easier to blame someone else then your self keep your head up that isn't Ur fault

[annieb56]

Your mom is a flawed human being with hopes and dreams that apparently didn't materialize as she planned. She lumps you in with her pile of disappointments because she can't control you. You're not responsible for her happiness. Look at her a woman with issues instead of the mother who was once in charge of your survival. Stop behaving like her little boy.

[shiney69]

That is just bull crap and your mom is wrong to say that anxiety is our own minds reaction to some stimuli, its not your fault and your mom shouldn't tell you that. But I sure can relate as far as my mom was concerned everything was my fault. Don't take what she says to heart, she dosent really mean she is just coping however she can. Things will get better.

[Florida1959]

Well good on her for blaming you for everything, what a cop,out, she should be intelligent enough to realise that we are all responsible for ourselves, we all need to take personal responsibility, took me years to learn this by the way, but now I am responsible for me, no one else, stay strong, you don’t need to take her shit on board . Good luck. X

[HeyItsThatKidd]

Hey dude, don't sweat it too much if you can. Sometimes life can cause major changes and make you feel all the guilt when at the end of the day, there were other plans in order. To be honest, you're helping her shape her personality. It may look bad now but you both shall grow into more perfect beings after this.

[Want2BHappy3]

Sorry that your mom felt that she needed to vent on you like that.

Realty is kids do cause stress, she shouldn't have had kids. My youngest daughter gave me A LOT of stress and then some running away, drugs. I got the reverse. She aplologized to me for what she put me through.

Your mom sounds like she was up against the wall, I'm sure she had other things stressing her out, you happened to be there so you caught hell for Everything

Sometimes we say things we don't mean So let it alone, it will be OK Good liuck

[kw41716]

the thing is , i’m rarely ever home , im always out either work or with my fiancé , so how i am a cause i have no clue ! but if she wants to blame stuff on me , fine , i’ll just keep away from her as much as possible .