Procrastination + Guilt

[Phoebe6712]

I’m in the worse depression in my life. The word procrastination is an understatement. There are so many things to do here in my apartment. I have zero motivation + have trouble staying in the moment. Having no motivation is getting to me pretty badly. I’m very uptight. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t. I have to get myself together + I just can’t. I used to work as a paralegal for 30+ years. Im 57 + going nowhere fast!! I’ve been divorced for close to ten years now, but I was very hurt in the process. I’ve been on + off again between severe + not too bad depression. I lost a little girl I looked after for 7 years, who was very attached to me, and my dog, a yellow Labrador retriever, aged 8. I was literally stalked out of my house by a guy I met at my mothers community pool. He liked me but I told him I was married. He threatened to tell husband we had an affair that never even happened. Husband was insecure + would’ve believed it. After four years of living in fear, I left + commenced the divorce, husband never even asking what happened. He just said we’d go on vacation. But the stalker was still there. Extremely narcissistic. The overt kind. I need to get motivated

[Hidden]

NO OFFENSE- just off the cuff........not procrastinating........ur deeply depressed.........rightly so...........u need and deserve someone to listen and hear u............plse say this ten thousand times or post it on ur mirror............ur wounded and need time to heal........and a destroyed spirti says.......really .............why bother for the 4000 time.......go away........telling the upper brain to get lost............thats depression...........justifiable.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

ps ...giving a card to st judes helps me associate someting believable.........and helps me with a purpose that is real and tangible....something i can believe in...........helps me throgh the hurts and im readu to face those stupid things as i have st judes........now there is somethign totally honest totall altruistic.....and u will ...make a difference..........powers us up and pulls us out of the slumps..........just a thought...........remember ur not weak thats depression destoryign ur spirti.......that hurt and lots fo things.............not procratisnation....so sory for all u have gone through. lots of caring caring people here........they send their lvoe and gigantic thirty min group huuuuuuug............take care

[Hidden]

Well I happen to be 51 and at least you’re not as stupid as me. Back when I turned 40 I actually got involved with a very narcissistic guy who was just bad news, he’s the type who’s good looking and he KNOWS it, he was only after one thing and I really damaged a relationship I have been in with someone else. But that’s all in the past and I’m trying to move forward. How do you like working as a paralegal? I don’t even have a job right now. These are just rough times for a lot of people across different backgrounds. I procrastinate over certain things too. That is crazy that some guy is stalking you. Is he out of the picture now?

[Zhangliqun]

For procrastination, just start with the smallest and simplest things that need to get done and work your way up from there. It will give you a sense of accomplishment and momentum will build from there.

As for the anxiety, and depression, the main thing to fight is the anticipatory anxiety -- the fear when you're in one of your better moods that the bad mood will come back -- that invariably causes that dark mood to come back immediately when it otherwise might not for a while. Recognize that this is the case and remember that just as the dark moods come, they will also go. Internalizing these things will go a long way toward taking away the power of that anticipatory anxiety, which will in turn reduce the frequency and severity of the dark moods.

I too am 57+ and have a small business of my own but have tax problems that could wipe me out at any moment -- on top of GAD and dysthymia with spikes of severe depression. I have had elements of these problems all my life but they got severe to the point of requiring medication in 1993 with very serious thoughts of suicide. I was thinking of getting a pistol and eating it.

Beyond that, and for the sake of convenience, I'm going to just cut and paste what I call my 'Patton speech' for further advice. It's aimed more at men and some of it may not apply to you (and it repeats some of the above) but I think it has some solid tips that I've learned the hard way over the years. It starts with the original post by a fellow sufferer and my response follows. Hope it helps...

So I'm just looking for what hows [sic] say about their anxiety and depression. I've been battling anxiety and depression for 19 years now. I've have highs and very low lows. I talk to a therapist once a week and I've been on every anti anxiety medication there is and it does help but I always wonder will it get better? Will I battle this the rest of my life and if so how do I cope when it feel like the world is out to get me and anxiety seems to run my life?

--Twitch7119

The most critical thing is to never, ever give in to the idea that your mental illness is anything like a reliable indicator of the truth about the world outside your head. Once you understand that it's a lie, it becomes far less powerful because you become much less afraid of it. Fear that it will come again will often make it come again.

In my view, the people at greatest risk of suicide are the ones who start to believe that the whole world is hopeless and pointless, not just their own situation, meaning that in their minds, there is nowhere for them to escape the rising floodwaters even if they can get out of their heads for a moment. At that point, you're in a tailspin that's hard to pull out of. I almost ate a pistol in '94 because of it.

Something that really helps me is remembering that the moods do come -- and go. Just remembering that largely de-claws the lacerating despair that may be slicing and dicing me at the moment because I know from long experience that it will go. Yes, in the moment it feels like I have been in this nightmarish mood from eternity past and will be in it forever, but it will go. In remembering that I immediately feel significantly better. But again it is absolutely critical that you believe that there is goodness and worthwhile-ness in the world outside your head. Because it really is there.

Another thing that may sound stupid but really works for me is that just scrunching up my shoulders or allowing my face to sink into a grimace is a trigger. I start to get anxious and my stomach starts to boil. (Your physical posture really does make a big difference in your mental state.) But if I force myself to relax my face and shoulders, the anxiety will go away almost every time. Subconsciously I'll start to scrunch and grimace again and the anxiety returns, but again I force my face and shoulders to relax.

You may have to repeat this process about 50 or 100 times until it goes away for an extended period, so DO NOT be discouraged if it doesn't work right away. After a while this and other 'tricks' become second nature and you're able to judo this thing almost absently, like flipping a light switch or flushing the can. There will still be bad days but there will be fewer of them and on average, they will be less severe.

Some have said to focus on things that produce good feelings in you to push out the bad. You have probably heard this a lot but again, this is solid advice. Different things work for different people but I love looking at pictures of fall foliage, just hypnotizes me. In person is ideal but you can do it any time of year on line, lots of great fall picture sites. Maybe a favorite restaurant or some happy memories. Or going to the hardware store and feeling the constructive atmosphere -- positive things you can do with tools and parts and nails etc to fix something at the house or maybe a hobby or project -- that runs so contrary to the sense of futility this illness stuffs down your throat. Anything that gives you even 5 minutes away from the bad thought patterns is a point gained; it's 5 minutes you weren't feeding this snake. That matters. If you're thinking bad, it will get worse; if you're thinking good, it will start to erode the bad. It never stands still. Once again, it will be difficult at first, but once again it will become second nature after a while.

Last but not least, these things and all the other solid advice I've seen in here are coping skills -- or more to my point, weapons. DO NOT be passive and hope this illness will go away on its own, it won't. You must stomp the head of this snake day in and day out, because you are in World War Twitch7119, a war for your soul -- and the souls of others (more on that below).

This means you must be willing to fight and fight hard, which means you must believe you have something to fight for. You do. Friends and family and -- get this -- others who are as sick or sicker than you and me, who you don't know yet but who will die by their own hand if you give up now because they will never get encouragement and advice from the voice of experience -- you. God will put you in the path of people new to this illness for this reason, as he has done with me. He will make this illness, yes, worthwhile...

If I sound like Patton in front of that big flag, so be it. When you're up against an enemy as cunning and deadly as mental illness, you need to be a rabid rottweiler with stars on its shoulders. FIGHT!!!

[Bba6]

Omg!!! WOW! Thank you for posting this!