guilt

[lifetime1010]

I am guilty of bullying this kid way back in elementary school. I was hostile towards him, unwelcoming, and would do stupid actions. honestly it wasn't a wild bullying like sticking heads in toilets or hitting, but I definitely know how i acted towards him was not right. why was i like that? why did I do that. I think it was my way of feeling powerful while getting bullied at home by my older siblings. As that boy was a new kid at the school, tall, and bigger than me. I think I just cornered at him to get out my repressed anger. I don't know why I am sharing it on here, but I guess I just want to get it off my chest, and let people know of my wrongs someway. I tried contacting the school to find where he was, but I learned they don't share that personal info (obviously). Ah. I just really want to say sorry to him. im so sorry for making you feel unwelcomed, and for putting this negative energy towards you day after day. He ended up leaving the school, and I assume it was because of me. I definitely learned my lesson and will never do that again. I just want to say sorry. It is weird how different I was then and now. And, how some people may only identify me as that person from the past. and how I can't ever control someone's perception of me. a mixture of emotions I feel. am i seeking understanding or am i just being selfish again hoping people will love me and accept me even of my past? I think sometimes maybe i shouldn't strive for certain goals out of guilt from the past. but I know that is not right. I must follow what I love nevertheless, and be kind to people and help when I can and change myself to show all deserve to live. . . . ... anyways I am sorry again to that person from back then. I really wish I could meet you again and say sorry. i know that i mean that and I want to learn that thats enough. but this guilt is quite hard. i just have to do what I can now to accept my past and embody what i find a better person is to be, now. i have to accept other's reactions to my past, and also trust my aim to be better now. any positive thoughts are welcome. thanks for reading.

[Bulldoglover12345]

guilt is very heavy and the important part is you realize the error in your ways. Sometimes you have to learn to move on and realize that you are not that person anymore and look forward. If not maybe try to find a school yearbook and searching his name online, but I would not be so fixated on it if I were you. Time will heal both of your wounds

[lifetime1010 in reply to Bulldoglover12345]

thanks bulldoglover I appreciate your message

[Alpakka123]

This touched me, to be honest. I can tell that you've changed just by admitting to wrongdoing! You are being honest with yourself here, and that is admirable. There's lots in this world who are unwilling to acknowledge when they're at fault, so more power to you👍.

[lifetime1010 in reply to Alpakka123]

thank you alpakka123 that makes me see myself in a new light, I appreciate it.

[Alpakka123 in reply to lifetime1010]

That's wonderful news!!! You're very welcome!