I recently had a pretty emotionally stressful breakup.
My ex and I had been dating for a year and a half. I fell out of love with her, and now I feel like something is wrong with me.
She was in school and had 2 jobs and would often bring her stress home with her. She never did it intentionally - it was just her way of coping, because she had bad anxiety too.
But, after time, her stress overwhelmed me. I tried very hard to listen and be patient, but after a while, I just got more and more overwhelmed by it all - trying to bear my own anxiety and help with hers was a lot for me to handle.
Our communication with each other was pretty good, for the most part. We often let each other know how we were feeling, what we needed, etc. and we never blamed each other or pointed fingers.
I guess I fell out of love a while before we broke up. I had this nagging voice in my head a few months ago that was telling me that I didn’t love her. I pushed it away though. I thought, “How can you not love her? She’s funny, smart, and has the biggest heart of anyone that you have ever met in your life.” I thought I could just get over it, and that I was lucky to even have her.
But last week, when things got bad, and we really weren’t clicking, I told her I needed a break. I was getting so overwhelmed by her stress and the stress of my new job that I just thought that it would help to take a breather and gather my thoughts. But it didn’t get better.
When we got back together to talk, I gave her a list of some things that were stressing me out. Which I don’t think was a great idea, but that’s what happened. She sat and listened intently and wanted to fix things. But I just couldn’t bring myself to want to fix things any more. And she could see that. So she asked me if I still loved her.
I had to be honest. Amidst my tears I said, “No.”
We both cried our eyes out... Me out of guilt, apologizing profusely, and her because her heart was broken...
We have been broken up for a week and a half now and I feel such deep regret, shame, and guilt for breaking her heart. I feel unworthy of love. I miss her. I am scared that I really hurt her. I feel ashamed and feel like something is wrong with me for not loving her.
I just really can’t stop blaming myself. Any thoughts or words to help me cope?
As always, thanks in advance for listening. matt17