Envy and Guilt

[CaliBoa22]

sometimes I watch my parents play with my niece (1st grandchild) n I just wonder if I was ever loved like that. I figure I must have but I cant recall ever receiving this all consuming unconditional love they pour into her. Which isn’t a bad thing. She deserves it every child deserves to be loved so why wasn’t I ? I can remember moments but I can also remember them ending. Like being encapsulated in that love n then their attention turns n the love turns off. It never turns off around her it’s constantly her nothing can take their attention from her. Maybe it’s because I’m a 3rd child n she’s a first? I’m envious of a baby lmao. Which makes me feel guilty. I understand things were different. They were different. But I mourn for the childhood I could’ve had if they had just gotten their shit together sooner. Luckily my niece won’t ever have to grow up the way we did (including my parents) but at the same time it’s like why wasn’t i enough to force you to get your shit together. This love n willingness to do anything for my niece where was it for me? This constant attention where did it come from ? I know I know I gotta let it go and I will after this post but listening to them play hurts my heart rather than warms it n that makes me feel like a horrible person. Rant over

[Agora1]

Hi CaliBoa22, anyone who is a grandparent, will tell you that it's different then raising

your own children. Has nothing to do with loving your children less. The responsibility

that comes with raising children is financially, physically and mentally exhausting.

When you have grandchildren, especially the first one, you realize the freedom you

feel in enjoying playing with them, knowing they will go back home.

You can spoil them and not take the consequences. Going to Grandma's house is

meant to be fun because it is short lived. Don't worry, believe me you are loved as

well if not more. xx

[Xene in reply to Agora1]

You nailed that in one. Obviously there will always be exceptions but generally speaking for all the reasons you have stated I totally agree.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Agora1]

Agora and Xene

Life is so different when we get to that grandparent stage. I agree with you both.

We have more time to give our heart and soul.

Grandchildren are such a beautiful gift

❤️🐬

[Agora1 in reply to Dolphin14]

Unfortunately Dolphin, I have seen it through the eyes of others,

but it is beautiful to see. xx

[Dolphin14 in reply to Agora1]

I know you are not a grandmother

But you have certainly explained the role

[Rosepetal60]

Don’t feel guilty, it’s not your fault. It’s natural you feel that way. I feel sad when I remember my childhood. I think it could be that your parents are making up for the time when they didn’t give the love to you. My mother didn’t love me from the day I was born. Because she wanted a boy, but got me instead. But she’s always been fond of her Grandchildren.

[Dolphin14]

CaliBoa22

I'm sorry this is stirring up so many emotions for you.

I think what I would do is make sure as the Aunt I gave my niece the love I felt I missed out on.

We can't change our past but we can certainly change the life path of the next generation by giving them unconditional love and quality time.

🐬