So I finally managed to build up the courage to visit my parents today. My mum suffers from depression and has done for a long time. I spoke to her briefly on the phone New Year’s Day, when she told me she didn’t want to talk to me. I asked if it was my fault she was having her most recent low point? She said yes, but then also indicated it was a mixture of things also not just me and my situation. I’m trying to make amends but it’s hard. I visited briefly today & saw my mum close to tears, my dad’s look of disappointment. Me trying to make conversation but with very little in return. All I could see in my mum is the similarities in my behaviour recently, which brings my situation and circumstances back to the forefront of my mind. But I choose not to give in and will keep fighting to find a way forward out of this pit and back into the light. I’ll take today as a step forward in the right direction to making amends with my parents.