Why Is It So Hard To Find Trusting Friends?

[Peaceplz69]

I'm at my witz end here...

Its bad enough that I cant trust my parents with anything... I cant confide especially to my mum because its like telling everyone anyway.

Being raised to have a structured life is good..

But when your life becomes so structured that you dont have room to make friends; it'll catch up to you when you really need a friend. Animal therapy helps but it doesnt cut it.

Like I said in a previous post, I'm 28, a trans dude, separated and I have ZERO friends.

I missed all the inside jokes with friends at school, the fun memories of whatever.. I didnt get that as a kid. Instead, I got a lazy mother who didnt want to do the barn work, And the animal caretaking.. She had the capital, which I did not ask for (the guilt trips were rediculous)

I missed out on all the invites...so they stopped inviting me.

It was supposed to be a small fun hobby farm. I blame her for not treating me any better.. Shes a soon to be 65 year old lady... So what. She didnt do what she was supposed to do. Be a mother, not the lazy entitled slave driver she was.

My brothers never had chores or had to work at your own dinner parties. They sat there while I cleared there and the the rest of the families plates, then cleaned the kitchen and whatever else. Just my sister and I. And to top it all off, I had a bully father who loved targeting me.

My mum is sexest and my dads an asshole and theyre both disgusting drinkers. The second alcohol touches theyre lips, they have no regard for anyone.

God Bless them for rescung my sister and I. But FUCK man. I always asked myslf as a kid growing up, "Why was I even adopted? This really sucks."

I'm clueless when it comes to making friends. I feel very angry for my past; and I blame myself for not sticking up for myself even when I was terrified. I could have had friends, I could have gained more confidence and be moe in touch with my self.

Instead this is my reality

******************************

If Idied tomorrow, (hypothetically) no one but my families friends etc. Would show up...

Just like my wedding. Those I invited to celebrate with me didnt acknowledge my invites.( Both stag&doe and wedding)

I had friends through my now Ex's friends. But theyre gone, obviously theyre going to carry on without.

All I know is it gets harder the older you get to find trusting reliable non two faced friends... Having mental illness issues also make this very difficult.. I make bad choices all the time, I ran myself into a corner three years ago and I'm still trying to get out.

Married and divorced in the same year... I lost my wife to a- at the time a 21 year old man child who threatened suicide to my wife every second she wasnt with the man child... It apparently worked.

So I ran away, and didnt want to live in the same city as my ex who knows everyone. started snorting a lot of dope and did some serious soul searching........it helped i strangely grew up quick. But it still doesnt answer why it is SO HARD to find a nice human being.

Rant over and out.

[Laub]

Hi peaceplz69, have your tried therapy groups? You might find people that can relate to the same situation and also be able to make new friends at the same time.. I am so sad to hear about your childhood but you can still turn it all around and enjoy the life you have now xoxo

[Peaceplz69 in reply to Laub]

You are too sweet, thank you I'm hoping this rant I just did all over social media doesnt come back and bite me where it hurts...

I am almost in the forgiviing stage with my parents... This passed christmas was probably the calmest yet without the shady snide comments.

* Ive known for a long time that if I dont forgive my parents then, I wont be able to live the life I want.*

it does get easier in time and when you are in control. I love them very much and they know that, regardless of what happened in the past. Its just different now. I dont love them any less. They are who they are and who knows how theyre upbringing went too. Truthfully.

If you mean other trans people? Funny you should say. The only group in my town is where my ex found her kid boyfriend...so its a bit rough there too. Im not sure if im ready to face the two of them together at those meetings... and a lot of them that I have met have there own set of issues including hate on hate crime in the LGBTQ section.. I think its hilarious but Im gonna stick with online groups for now. I think its a wise choice.

Side note- entire family is really cool with who I am... They all say "come to think of it, it makes sense" I was never butchy (quite the girly kind) I just liked doing dudely things, it felt normal until i was told to act like my assigned gender at birth.

Chat later

Xo

[Laub in reply to Peaceplz69]

I hope it doesn’t bite you! Sometimes if you speak out it helps 😊

It’s good to hear your at a stage with your family where is feels good.. sometimes forgiving helps to void the gap and helps you to move on and start seeing people for who they are now and not what they have been.. have you ever tried asking your family about there upbringing? Might help to give answers why they have been they have?

It really doesn’t help with the other 2 being around as it’s not helping you make friends and is sad to hear your not getting out there... but if you need a friendly ear please feel free to message anytime 😃do you live in a small town? Oh gosh hate crime is not good!

It’s great to hear your family accept you for who you are that always helps! Sometimes as longs as your family love you for who you are that’s what counts but you have to love yourself too 🤩

Speak soon xoxox

[deea21]

Hey. You need to calm yourself, stop judging because I’m sure you don’t like others if they would judge you and keep your mind clear. You need to be more thankful for you life and Work with yourself. Get a job, find a hobby, go out and dance. The right friends will come in your life when it’s the right time. Not everyone it’s going to cross your path. I think you are an amazing soul but you overthink too much. Be calm and patient, life will take where you need to be. We are here to listen, I would love to be a friend and help you. People aren’t perfect, we all try to grow and learn in our stories. Focus on yourself more. Lots of hugs

[Peaceplz69 in reply to deea21]

Thank you... I do need to hear this.. Eveything does have its time and place and Luckily, I havent been out of sync thus far... Even when you do feel so out f place, you arent..

I thank the Universe and its timely matter in many ways. Even the hard stuff. Maybe I should have thrown that in next time I feel like ranting,

!

I am where I am supposed to be. Right here right now. Lessons are learned everyday, even the small ones help with my epiphanies.

I saw that website you put up. Its all stuff I did\do practice, and then some ( Thank you for that reminder)..... It has helped me let go, and let go of judging life, others plus; myself.

My job here is to heal animals... I can't do that if im not 100% and they know it too.

Im going to go read more now.

Thanks deea21 ! Love and light

[deea21 in reply to Peaceplz69]

I’m pretty sure we need to stop judging ourselves and start loving. We are unique in our own way. I was sure you had an amazing job, because most people who suffer from anxiety and depression are healers or people very sensitive. Big hug. If you need a friend write me in private without overthinking.