Lonely and lost

[Akschwartz]

I married my high school sweetheart and was together 25 years. We divorced because I met somebody whom I fell totally in love with. We were together 10 years until he left me. I can’t seem to get over him. He was and is my world. I don’t feel I have anything left now. The rejection is too much. I’ve tried suicide twice. I think mostly to get attention. Deep down I don’t really want to die, I just want this awful pain to go away. He moved out of my house 3+ years ago but didn’t officially end it til August. I am very lonely and come across as obsessive toward him. He has blocked me in every way except email. Now it’s to the point he rarely responses back with that. I am devastated and it doesn’t get better with time. It gets worse. I’ve tried medicine to help with depression and anxiety, I’ve tried therapy for 3 years, I’ve joined activity groups, joined a gym, plowed into my job even but nothing has helped me. I am severely depressed, scared and very alone.

[Hidden]

Oh my heart aches for you. Maybe try to look at it like you are too good for him , possibly something better around the corner for you! XXX I'm here for you, wishing you nothing but the best!

[Akschwartz in reply to Hidden]

Thank you - for your acknowledging of my post

I lay here with tears running down my cheeks

[Hidden in reply to Akschwartz]

Been there done that for 29 years now. Some days are good some not so much! Sending you a big hug!

[Akschwartz in reply to Hidden]

Please tell me your story

[Akschwartz in reply to Hidden]

Thank you — I appreciate it 💙

[Time4Grace]

My dear, your story sounds so much like mine. I was married for 21 years while continually praying that I was married to a man that would truly love me. I was so unhappy. That man came into my life and we fell head over heals in love. Of course I couldn't let this chance of happiness slip through my fingers so my husband and I divorced, and I moved to another state to be with Him. We lived together for 10 years before we married. We have now just celebrated our 6th Anniversary. Alas, marriage does go through changes over time, and right now we are struggling to hold it together. I have come to the conclusion that men don't seem to like needy women. They are more comfortable with someone who can find some happiness without depending on them for it all the time. We are now going to counseling.

During those ten years we lived together there was a period of time I tried to committ suicide because I felt he didn't really want to be with me. I gave up everything to be with him so I felt devastated. I didn't really want to die, it was just an attempt to stop the pain. Thank God He saved me from a very selfish act. My children love me and need me, I will never do that again. I don't know why I wasn't thinking about them at that time. They are my life, my joy. I don't have any friends at the moment, and my children do not live near me. I am feeling very alone and depressed as you are. I came to this forum hoping to make friends to ease that pain. It seems to be helping. But, it would be nicer to talk on the phone or share an afternoon with a cup of coffee. Big hug, Carol

[Akschwartz in reply to Time4Grace]

Wow your story is so much like me. I am glad I am not alone in this. Broken hearts are more painful and harder to heal then broken bones!! The struggle is paralyzing.

[Time4Grace]

Well today my world has fallen apart. I got up this morning to show my husband something on his phone that I had sent him. I picked it up and happened to click on an unfamiliar text message from someone named D***. To my horror he was texting another woman. He had said so many sweet things to her I could hardly believe it was him. I'm totally devasted and heartbroken. The pain is unbearable. 😓

[Agora1]

Time4Grace, OMG I am so sorry for your unbelievable hurt. Does he know you found that text?

Now it will be all in how you react to this painful issue that will determine the anxiety and hurt you feel. Talking it out as 2 mature adults is always the best way but you may not feel up to it right now. We feel your pain, we support you. We are here to listen. xx