the Ex-

[Raggedy-Ann]

Wednesday night I got an email from my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend! WTF?

My ex and I have never lost contact. We have ,I learned on the crisis line, a trauma bond. He has Acute myeloid leukemia, with a 5% chance of survival. We lived in a hospital room for a few months going through horrors. 8 years we were together. He cheated with the woman he is with now. Our relationship was on the rocks for a year prior. I wasn't surprised. We had an amicable split. I think I have been holding on because we have this bond and he is one of the only people who calls.

He has been telling me about his struggles with Vera. Part of me enjoyed this, part of me still loved him. OK so Vera (duckface) writes me because she thinks we are having a secret affair. I haven't seen him in 5 years, he has asked to visit I always say no.

So what am I getting out of this? A sympathetic ear, hurt feelings, sick pleasure when they fight. Do I want him back? No. He is a total narcissist, and I am a severely depressed co-dependent. I wrote to him that I am done. Our friendship was unhealthy for me.

I won't contact him but I feel a sense of loss. I feel it in my chest, this nauseating hole, and then tears. It is sick I know.

[Shysteve]

As snowdayze has just said,you are strong,you have came this far and you will continue to do so ,yes it's a blip inyour life you could of done without but your still here, strong,generous and human,youll move past this ,if you ever need to shout or scream at/to anyone please just don't hesitate to contact me,keep being strongyou have already proven hiw strong you are so far,just keep going ,best wishes Steve

[Scarlett28]

I’ve been dealing with a similar situation. I moved out early this year after 20 years together & I am still feeling the codependency. He still texts because he knows my family is a trigger for me & they are all I have. I wait for his texts each day & now we have talked on the phone & we plan to meet up for lunch since he will be in the area. I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing but I’m so lonely. I would welcome a friendship but I don’t think that’s what he’s ultimately after. We are both single.

Very courageous of you to tell him no more.

[Hidden]

It’s for the best that you two are done. He’s with her, let her deal with his problems.

[roses4all]

Hi Raggedy Ann,

I think it's good that she contacted you. He has cheated before. When you were together, he cheated with her. Obviously, he doesn't have a problem with that. Could be that he IS cheating on her... just not with you. I think she is smart to contact you. The cheater doesn't want to stop cheating. He (or she) has things the way they want. But the cheater hurts 2 people. And it is these 2 people who will put an end to the 2 simultaneous relationships. Good for her. She is looking for truth and putting up boundaries.

As for having a narcissist in your life. I get it. My ex is a narc (diagnosed). I had to go no contact to stop him from hurting me. I need him to be who he said. I need him to do what he said. He won't. That is the short story. Private message me if you want. And you are not sick (not in your relationship with him), your reaction is not sick. Your reaction is normal. He is sick. He has a personality disorder. That is what a personality disorder is... making decisions that hurt relationships and not being able to reflect and adjust... and making the same bad decisions over and over.

As for me and the narcissist... wanting him to feel pain or regret what he did to me... yep. Wanting her to pay for what her presence in my life did to me... yep. Missing our conversations... hell yes. Feeling loss... yep. Huge hole in my life... yep. Knowing I will never contact him again... yep.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to roses4all]

Well I decided I needed closure. I wrote a letter to both of them. I was honest about how I feel and felt. I didn't blow up but I wanted to. It felt good to push that crap out of my life. I had a good cry in the bathtub and feel lifted today. Of course he called me last night to try and patch things up. I told him it was unhealthy for me. I was tired of being some secret, some lies he told her. I told him I am not going to lie for him either. I don't lie about anything else in my life and I am proud of that. I don't curse either. I love to use other phrases. In any case I told him to I never want to hear from Vera again and I need to be free of all of it. H e was trying to charm me, keep me hooked in but I shocked myself when I firmly declined.

[Hidden in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

There are other guys out there. Let him go and try to find someone who has some class and doesn’t put you through hell!!!

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Hidden]

I think I may be done with that part of my life, dating. Do I want to share my space with anyone else? No. My meds have killed my libedo. I would be happier with friends. I seem to attract alcoholics, I don't drink. The 8 yrs Ex is a recovering alcoholic, narcissist with leukemia. He is a lead singer in his band, A university professor... It was all about him. I worked in the music business so I was around musicians and dated a few. I've had my fun and now I am done. I think I am to screwed up to date anyone. lol.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Ugh I know his type. They treat as the "back pocket". They'll run off over here where they think the grass is greener. Until new gf starts acting like a nag. Then they go reminiscing through their contact list and want to "check in with you" its not really about how are you doing. They just want to whine and have a pitty party and feel sorry for them. Because they know women hate other women especially those they cheated on you with. And eventually they work their way back to you and suddenly you're back into a sexual relationship with them.

I have a friend who dated these guys. They don't care about your needs. Its about getting their rocks off.

Yeah, you're grieve the loss. The loss of the relationship but also of a person you thought you used to know. Thats okay. Dont feel bad that you do. You are human. You have a heart. Its terrible that he treated it so poorly that he broke it. But you will recover. You don't need this man in your life. Hugs to you 🤗❤️