Hello all. I'm not really sure how this works. I'm 28 and married with three children. I'm a CNA but currently a stay-at-home mother. I have a 9, 4, and 1 year old. I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression after my mother deceased, almost 4 years ago. I later found out that I was misdiagnosed and I actually have PTSD, due to childhood traumas and upbringings. I really don't know where to start. I'm just always sad all the time. I'm naturally pessimistic; always outweighing the bad over the good and brushing it off as being "realistic". I've went to counseling but it hasn't really worked so I quit going. I've friends over the years, but I've never been able to actually KEEP a friend. Pretty pathetic, I know, but everyone needs someone there for them. My mom was that person for me. Ever since she passed, I feel more alone than I ever have been. My biological father ironically passed the same week as my mom so all I have left as a parental, is my step father whom I'm not very close with. I have siblings, but am not really close with any of them. Never have been, even though the effort has been made.
I try to talk to my husband, whom I have been with 5 and a half years, but he isn't the conversation type anymore. We have went thru so much thru the years I do believe the romance, trust and other things as well, are gone. Marriage counseling is a bust, it doesn't work. The one thing that literally keeps me going every single day, is my three children. I just wish there was someone out there that feels the same and understands.