Single mom

[Jessicailiana]

Im a single mom of two kids. I just recently started feeling depressed and anxious last week. I left a very abusive and controlling relationship withthe father of my kids. I am scared to be alone. I feel as everyday even if the sun is out there is a dark cloud over me. I feel really sad at times and i cry. Ieel hopeless at times and its hard to see the light but giving up isnt an iption my babies need me. I would really love to speak to someone who understands thats going thru the same thing or went thru it someone who will help me thru this tough time.

[DeanPhillips]

Hi Jessica.

I'm a single father of 3 kids who's ex left him and took the kids with her. So I'm on the other end of the spectrum so to speak. I feel into deep depression and didn't see the point of anything (8 months later and I'm still a bit like that some days)

I understand the hurt and pain, it passes but it's almost as if you need to find yourself all over again!

If you need to chat you can always pm me

Sending support!

[Jessicailiana in reply to DeanPhillips]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It's been a year I don't seem to see the light. I want this to be over be good for my kids not be sad and crying all day. How do I find myself I bearly even have time to take a shower my kids are 1 and 3. Any advice?

[DeanPhillips in reply to Jessicailiana]

There's no easy answer, sounds silly but I tried meditation and relaxation. I even do yoga! Things I can do in the evening or maybe even in the morning. It doesn't take much time but helps me centre myself.

I gradually noticed a change in my outlook on my life and realised that I could make the changes but it would take time.

Do you have anyone that could maybe have the kids for you so you can go out and feel like a normal person and not a parent?

Maybe a hobby you used to really enjoy that you could take back up? It's so hard with kids, they require so much attention! It gets easier as they get older and they're not to reliant on you all the time though!

What things make you happy? Concentrate on them

There's no magic answer, it's all trial and error but if you keep at it you'll find the answer that works for you!

[Jessicailiana in reply to DeanPhillips]

I dont really get down time. Might sound dumb but you cant even imagine how much ur comments have helped. I thank you so much. I was in need of someone who understood.

[DeanPhillips in reply to Jessicailiana]

Yes I know what you mean, you are not alone! Any time you want to chat or need support we'll be around!

You're welcome, anytime

[Jessicailiana in reply to DeanPhillips]

Thanks i really needed encouragemnet, when im in that dark place of lonliness and sadness I feel as if i am alone and i cant overcome it. Did u feel a dark cloud over you?

[DeanPhillips in reply to Jessicailiana]

I still feel it. Along with a constant chest ache and a sinking feeling that tomorrow could be worse than today. It's almost as if you're fighting a constant pool of negativity and you're trying hard just to keep afloat.

I think it helps me to embrace the dark days and remind myself that there's light days too!

[Jessicailiana in reply to DeanPhillips]

Thats just how i feel. I overcame depression once I get frusterated that i cant do it again.

[DeanPhillips in reply to Jessicailiana]

Well in all honesty I'm really struggling with my depression at the moment, I've been put back on citalopram but for the last few years I haven't been on them. It's funny how it can just hit you!

But I know that I'll get through it like I have all the other times!

We're stronger than we think, and even though it's one of life's challenges you shouldn't let it define how you live, I don't!

[Jessicailiana in reply to DeanPhillips]

Ive never been on meds for it, meds scare me and i cant even take meds because i breastfeed my youngest. Yes!!! Two weeks ago i was happy i was living life without a care in the world. Everyday was a good one. But out of nowhere i started feeling sad and that damn cloud over my head. everyone tells me they think it is post partum depression i have an appointment on tuesday with my doctor to see if that is what it is. I saythat to myself you are strong you can overcome this. I tell my family i feel like a chick trying to break thru the eggshell. Its hard but they eventually do it. I wish i could run until it all fades away. My sister describes my depression like waves they come and go. At times im good and others im devastated.

[Satsuma]

Congrat yourself on leaving .. You had strength to end the abuse .. It will leave you torn and tattered .. Every day do something you like for you and by this regular practice you will suddenly gain self respect and it will be enormous. You are fortunate to have your children ( I have been alienated from mine )

When we are scared to be alone it is then when we attract lower vibrational people. Be alone and enjoy the peace of no abuse. Work on yourself. In time you will realise you don't need anyone but you will want them.

[Jessicailiana in reply to Satsuma]

Thank you I try but everyday I wake up I have a dark cloud following me everywhere I try to be happy but it's there I don't want to be sad but I just am

[Kobojunkie]

Please begin processing your emotions and don't let depression get control of your mind.

For many people out there, depression comes for a reason - feelings of guilt, shame, low-self esteem, fear, anger, etc. You have to learn to process those emotions as they come so you don't let depression consume you.

The longer you let these fester, the more control you give depression control over your life and destiny

[Jessicailiana in reply to Kobojunkie]

How do I do this?

[Satsuma in reply to Jessicailiana]

Here is some self help strategies ....

Track your thoughts by writing them down. It’s a good way to express your feelings, and it can also help you figure out which thoughts make you feel worse.

Learn relaxation. Relaxation is great for reducing stress.

Go easy on alcohol and drugs. If you’re using alcohol and drugs to cope, you could actually make your symptoms worse, both while you’re using them, and in the long run.

Eat well, keep active. It can make a difference to your energy levels, and helps stimulate hormones (like endorphins) that help you feel better about yourself.

Take some time out to do things you enjoy. When you’re feeling down it can make it really hard to get motivated to socialise and do things. Try and make yourself do one thing you usually enjoy each day.

Learn something new. Developing new skills and achieving things lifts your mood.

Get back into nature. There’s research that shows that when you have contact with pets, plants, gardens, parks etc., it reduces stress and boosts your mood. Go for a walk outside.

Talk to someone you trust. Talking to a family member or friend is a great opportunity for you to express how you’re feeling. They can also provide you an outsider’s opinion on what’s going on.

Join a support group. It can be really helpful to talk to people who have gone through similar experiences.

[Jessicailiana in reply to Satsuma]

Thank you for ur advice i will start to put it to practice. Thank you for taking the time of ur day to respond

[Satsuma in reply to Jessicailiana]

You are very welcome Jessicailiana I hope you find some relief

[Jessicailiana in reply to Satsuma]

I have to for my kids and myself but it takes time right?

[Satsuma in reply to Jessicailiana]

Yes it does take time like most things