My mom has boarder line personally disorder.

[Jesslovescats]

I don't know where or how to get help. I've tried to reach out on and off for years the last time I tried to get counseling help they told me it was only for families or teenagers which validated my feelings of helplessness. I'm 40 and I can't believe I put up with this crap for so long my mom has been dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde all my life. If I wasn't surrounded by normal stable healthy relationships at work I still wouldn't know that her behavior wasn't okay.

But my mom doesn't know she has this problem and I'm afraid to find the one that tells her she's going to lash out like she typically does.

[fauxartist]

I am so sorry you had to grow up with this, there are quite a few here too that either have this disease or have family as well with bipolar....it's impossible to imagine life with a parent who has mental illness unless you've walked in their shoes. My mother was and still is a sociopath...I understand the emotional abandonment when they just are not able to be there for you when you needed them. I understand having to 'be the parent' when they go off into their own world. I know others here have recommended this online site: nami.org/# ....maybe they can give you some resources for yourself. Being that your mother is an adult...you may not get her to accept help, and they may be able to help you except the limitations of family members who want to help a member who does not acknowledge or realize they need help. Glad at least your able to share here about it.

[hypercat54]

Hi unfortunately people with BPD often don't realise they have it which is part of their illness. You can't make someone aware of it if they refuse to recognise it and seek help. All you can do is learn to protect yourself against it and I hope you are doing that. x

[Jesslovescats in reply to hypercat54]

I work at a library. So today I tried to find the most gentle, effective book I could find on the BPD subject. It talked about mindfulness and how this can help. I have no idea how this will play out. I just texted her and told her I put a book on hold for her and I hope she reads it. Then I put a note inside of it asking her if she thought that grandpa (her dad) had BPD. I'm hoping if she looks at the way he treated her show understand how she's been treating me. Grandpa's long-dead I'm 40 soon-to-be 41 and my mom's in her seventies I would just like her to get this figured out before she dies.

[Stilltrying_]

Yes well at least you know what the problem is and yes this disorder people can be very difficult to deal with, though they are also suffering themselves. Yes they can lash out and it isn't you , it is their disorder. Don't let it define you and be grateful you don't have it yourself!!

. My mum was narcissistic which is a bit different but nonetheless very damaging. You will be lacking in self esteem and possibly lacking in a sense of security too. I expect it makes you very angry to know you never had a nurturing mum and instead had this Jekyll and Hyde. We do have people on here with that disorder so we need to be sensitive. They are suffering but also I understand the turmoil that can be caused in other people's lives and you need to look to ways to build up your own confidence and realise she has an illness and cannot help her behaviour.

[dee_bells]

I have borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety. I also have 2 adult children. I feel my daughter keeps my grandson away from me because I'm crazy. And it hurts. And I say hurtful things. I talk to my therapist and she'll work with me and I realize then what I'm doing. Because I have no insurance I have found services in my community. Maybe you could find a therapist go a few times and then take your mom with you. And you can express your concerns together.

I know there was something wrong with me and I don't like it. I've gotten into arguments with strangers at the weirdest places.

Unfortunately my two children have depression but they are incredibly successful and recognize it their issues.

My mother was depressed but she thought it was a stigma.

I actually had a panic attack right in front of my mother. She was frightened.

I would start with therapy for you and then gently see if your mom will go. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Reading this makes me want to call my kids and tell them I'm sorry. Good luck and I'd love to hear what happens.

[Jesslovescats in reply to dee_bells]

Thank you. That was an incredibly honest statement to make. If My mom could make the effort that you have and start to recognize some past patterns, then I have hope for the future.

[dee_bells in reply to Jesslovescats]

It's never too late for you and your mother. And whether good or bad, I analyze my actions. Was that right? Why did I do that? Maybe you could find articles on borderline personality disorder? I started going to a therapist at the age of 23 (I'm 59) I left my ex when our son was 6 weeks old and my ex tried to kill me when my son was 6 months old. Instead he was shot and killed by the police.

So my self discovery of borderline personality disorder came later but I saw a therapist at that time for PTSD.

I texted my daughter earlier and she said she'll come over this week. 😁I hope she does. Let me know how it goes with your mom. I know it's hard because you don't know what to expect.