I have been debating with the thought of leaving my husband and living the rest of my life by myself. My depression has dragged him down and he's no longer a happy person, but rather the target for me to vent and overreact to. I tend to lose control and pick on him for silly reasons and I truly want him to be happy. I know he will never be happy with me because I have been this way all my life. I have no friends, or support system. I can't talk to my spouse about what I feel. I can't seem professional help because it would be damaging to my career and profession. I am stuck and can't get better. I've been spiraling down for years and I am close to the bottom and fear that I might lose everything that is connected to life, connected to this world, lose everything in me, because there is no other end result than the direction I am heading. I will soon delete this message and profile because that's what I do, I feel ashamed and embarrassed for posting this, and will convince myself I can keep living in a shell and continue wearing a fake smile, and carry on like others do, living a routine, and not truly happy, but keeping to theirselves.