Broken and Hurt

[ShebaSheebs]

Yesterday evening, the person I thought I'd be living the rest of my life with, broke up with me. He finally had enough of my anxiety. I am devastated and broken. I can't see the future anymore, I can't think straight. I am walking around in a daze. There will be times of the day where I will remember and I'd start crying uncontrollably, my heart in physical pain. I have decided I am not going to let this take over my life. The last time I was on this path, it took me years to recover. I am scared it will take me that long again. I have to be strong, or at least act like one, for my mom, who I'm living with, and for work which I can't afford to lose now. I can't go out and distract myself because of the coronavirus so I am forced to face this loneliness at home. I have to repair myself, so I'll keep my day to day goals easy to follow, while I focus the little energy and brainjuice I have left for work related tasks. Please wish me luck.

[PamelAnneCT]

Hi Sheebasheebs - from reading your post I am certain you will get thru this. The wound is so fresh, not even a day old. It will take time for it to form a 'scab', then the real healing will begin. Believe in yourself, be kind to yourself, focus on some self care during this virus thing. When you are not working maybe picking up a hobby again that got left behind at some point in your life? I have been knitting like a mad woman since being told to shelter in place, I can't work so I don't have that as a distraction for part of my waking hours. Keep us informed of your status......there are some great people here.......

[ShebaSheebs in reply to PamelAnneCT]

Thank you PamelAnne for your kindness. I feel everything is moving so fast, only I am in slow mo. I am scared of the painfully lonely days to come. I will keep in mind to self care and to find myself an activity. Does knitting take much brainwork and can it give my brain rest from thinking about the loneliness? Thank you.

[PamelAnneCT in reply to ShebaSheebs]

There are some great videos online for learning knitting, and sources for materials if shops are closed. I find it calms me, totally and absolutely. I become so engrossed in it that time passes quickly. And then I get to say "I made it" when someone wants to know where I got an item.....great for the ego!

[trailwanderer24]

I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. I find I become very dependent on my relationships and can’t imagine moving forward alone. I admire your determination and focus on your goals. I wish you the best and hope I can provide support if needed

[ShebaSheebs in reply to trailwanderer24]

Thank you trailwanderer, I have tried to not be dependent but it seems I have become overly dependent to this person for my happiness because I am finding it hard to move. I am scared of the sad days and loneliness to come.

[trailwanderer24 in reply to ShebaSheebs]

I’ve definitely been in your shoes so please feel free to reach out to me during those dark times.

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So sorry to hear your suffering. Keep talking about how you feel and try to keep your mind active. Anxiety is very tough on us and loved ones but it is beatable. I tried hypnotherapy and it worked a treat for me. Maybe consider that. Might work might not. But never give up. Thinking of you xx

[AlLeYkAt86-]

I was in exactly the same situation in January so I’m not going to mislead you with all the usual sayings I’m sure you’ll hear enough of but do know that it gets better. It starts to hurt in a different way and angle. You’re strong and you can handle this.

[Witsend8]

You are let down, broken hearted and can't think straight or see anything but pain. This happened to me 3yrs ago after over 20yrs together and married for almost 19. I felt exactly the same aa you do.

People told me time is the only way to heal, i didnt believe them as my heart couldnt take it. Please try to eat and drink, what helped me is to concentrate on blue sky, a tree anything you like, i had a square of chocolate that had to melt on my tongue. Look, feel what its like, listen to music, read a nice book if you can. Try to put feet on floor, look at one spot, breathe in deeply and try to count how long it takes, then breathe out as slowly as you can and count how long it takes.

Please believe me, i have been where you are, had the i want to be a husband not a carer speech. It takes a long time, get friends and loved ones to support you. Im happy to call you if you want a stranger.

Samaritans just listen if you want to call them, so do mind who have a good website when you are ready.

Call GP as you may need anti depressants.

Here for you, lots love xxx

[Thissucks37]

We’re you married to this person? Do you have children you can focus on? You have your mom so at least you aren’t totally alone. Did it come as a shock or were there on going problems. Although you are in pain now, maybe in time you will find that it was for the best. Be kind to yourself and know that you are loved! 🙏

[Coffeegirl1979]

Going threw almost same ..but a marriage..and not even married a year yet ..my overthinking causes arguements ..way too many ..so I can see it's me that created the end ..and it kills me cause even tho I seen it I couldn't stop it ..over and over time and time again

[Coffeegirl1979]

Marriage is all I ever wanted ..yet I was terrified of commitment..plus overwhelming fear of abandonment.....healing what's that ? Perhaps long term relationships just arnt for us ???

[NightOwl2020]

Hello Sheebasheebs, just ignore the rude comments, they are not worth paying any mind. I wanted to run a quote I've heard by you. "Tough times don't last, but tough people do." You are very strong for what you've been through and you will heal with time. Just take it one day at a time. Do not blame yourself, if someone cannot accept you for being you, they are not worth it. I learned that the hard way.

[ShebaSheebs]

Thank you Want2BHappy3 and 1stLadyBoo. Don't worry, I am staying at home. It's true my anxiety and insecurities ruined my relationship. I understand I have to work really hard to be mindful. I have seriously been exercising at home as a friend suggested and it seems to have helped because I am accepting the situation better. Even in this indefinite isolation I have also learned to be grateful for the good around me and the kindness of friends and everyone here who genuinely want me to be better. I am doing my small part to support my family, my govt, my countrymen and the world in this pandemic from the space inside my home by staying healthy.

I am happy to say, I am not broken as I initially thought I was. I am just bruised and that's okay.