dont know what to do or how to feel

[Mommabear08]

im new here and feel so lost i have PTSD, Bipolar, depression, social anxiety, ADHD, insomnia im a single mother of a 9yr old boy his father passed away when he was 2 months old the last words i spoke 2 him was i hate u n hope u die never got to apologize or say goodbye i relive it everyday his bday was in sept and passing in oct its been 9yrs but i cant 4 give myself on top of that my family dose not and has never excepted my son because he is biracial and do not treat him nicely i take 6 diff meds a day some 2-3 times a day i feel unloved unwanted and like i took my sons father from him

[Lost1965]

Hi I have ptsd,11 years ago I witnessed an elderly woman get killed in front of me,by a speeding van that flung her onto my work van and tow bar it was horrendous and I had to check on her mangled body for life but she was gone, I went home 5 hours after this accident after talking to police and coroners and fell apart in my partners arms, my life was never the same again,the nightmares never stoped,I kept working with the van that was involved in this accident,I wasn’t diagnosed for 3 years since than my life has changed in ways that I thought would never happen to me,I lost my grandmother,I lost my best friends even though they were cats they were my family,I lost my mother who was my hero,they all passed within that three year period and I could not go to my relatives funeral,I have so much guilt and rage,in myself it scares me,I was always the person that people and friends went to for advice,but now those people and friends are gone due to my dispondance and lack of empathy even though I want to give it I didn’t know how to anymore,it’s funny how alone you can be in a room full of people,most people don’t understand this illness and think iam mean or just don’t care when in fact I care so much it kills me I just can’t show it,thank you for your post you are the first person person that I have really opened up to because Iam hopping that what I have shared with you might make a difference in your life and you’re little boys life ,my fight for life goes on stay strong for your little boy ,carlos

[Mommabear08 in reply to Lost1965]

I 100 % understand the feeling of feeling completely alone even being surrounded by a room full of people, and not being able to show how much i really do care and coming off as cold and rude I became so cold and bitter when that happened with my sons father thank you for sharing and helping me feel like im finally not alone

[Hidden]

You can still ask for forgiveness...

[Mommabear08 in reply to Hidden]

I'm not sure how to do that or even if I deserve it

[mcorbettd]

No one deserves to have gone through what you have. I am truly sorry that you’re suffering in this way

[Mommabear08]

Thank you I'm very thankful that I have came across this group

[Agora1 in reply to Mommabear08]

Me too Mommabear08, xx