Apparently i can't be alone. Older traumas are still there

[No_Longer_Human]

So my mom left me at home and went with my sister at dad's appartment. Grandma called me multiple times that i didn't pick because i was either showering or panicking. Now i want to call her to ask if they went there because it's better to run from me or just be nice to me and not get drunk. Grandma was rude. Mom said they're tired. I woke up multiple times this night, looked to their bed, realised it's empty and felt like vomiting. This sentence is the most hurtful. I had nightmares i was with them at grandma's and killed the dog accidentally, trying to copy an underwater photo my classmates were making because i wanted to belong. I don't beling anywhere. I'm all alone. I thought that's what i wanted but it's gotten my inner child who's sick out. I woke up at 9am. I never do this if im having a good sleep. If only my family helped me instead of saying how bad they have it and holding grudges and guilt tripping me. Idk if i will heal from the divorce and before the divorce. I'm scared if grandma told her about me telling her about her drinking. Grandma should have taken my side not mom's side in slowly killing herself

[Alpakka123]

You do belong, sweetheart. I'm so sorry it's hard. Can you give your therapist a call and book an appointment? Your last few posts have dealt with more concrete things (things I think he'd be willing to help you with).

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

Thanks. Well, im now just talking with a helpline when i have an appointment. I haven't been to my therapist since he said "you move out otherwise we're not doing anything, you're just making me rich". He said i want to be there every week if we're doing work and i haven't been there in a long time. All he did was force me to move out and completely neglecting these old traumas making me nauseous when alone and if working

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

I remember your therapist telling you that, and I'm very sorry that happened. I was just trying to think of why he said what he said, and the only thing I could think of was thar he didn't have anything concrete to work on with you. Your most recent posts have focused on concrete things (which is great!), so I thought you could try again. I'm just thinking...

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

I appreciate that. I think I was concrete with him but he just said "move out"

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

So strange...Is there another therapist you can see?

[hypercat54]

Its clear from what you have said that your family have plenty of issues of their own and are struggling to deal with those, especially your mother.

They can't therefore help you as they need help themselves. They are also not capable of understanding enough to be able to help you even if they wanted to.

You are just banging your head against a brick wall over and again and making it bleed. This unfortunately will continue until you accept the reality.

They will not change so you will have too unless you want to keep on repeating the same self destructive behaviour forever. Do you?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to hypercat54]

That's sad. I can't deal with my old traumas and now this too