Feeling hopeless and worthless

[Jilld1314]

I'm so stressed about everything right now. Left my newer doc who i had seen from Jan to Sep after he suggested ECT when the mood stabilizers he prescribed me weren't working even when i am not bipolar i have depression and anxiety 2 mos ago. I've gained 20 lb and am very angry upset and depressed. I'm not big. I used to weigh 112 to 115 but i feel huge. The stupid meds messed up my metabolism and increased my food cravings. I was also laid off from my part time job a month ago so all of this has been hitting me pretty heavily. I feel worthless. I'm trying to eat better have joined a gym seen a trainer and a dietitian but it doesnt seem like enough. I dont care anymore. Maybe I'm meant to have a crappy life and be unhappy. I'm on new meds new therapist its all just a waiting game and I'm so exhausted. I dont care anymore. I'm not worth it. 😓😓

[shellgg]

I'm sorry I understand. I gained about 20 pounds while taking the medicine too. However, I can tell you that exercising intensely three days a week for one hour helped me lose the weight. (I'm back up now) how long have you been exercising? We seem to be about the same size. It took me about 6 months of exercising to see the weight drop and than it just kept going down. I was 35 than. Not saying it would be exactly the same for you but just wanted to give you a little encouragement.

[Jilld1314 in reply to shellgg]

Tx. It's hard to get motivated when you don't care. The anxiety part of me cares too much and i battle that every day.

[shellgg in reply to Jilld1314]

Same here. I have a brand new treadmill that I never get on. Trying to change that. Do you still see the trainer?

[Jilld1314 in reply to shellgg]

Am seeing a trainer but need to start slowly. She was pushing me a lil too hard. Giving myself a couple of weeks of consistent walking and eating well and will take the next step when I'm ready. 😊

[Jilld1314 in reply to shellgg]

Thank you that does help. I've heard so many people not being able to lose the weight at all.

[shellgg in reply to Jilld1314]

That sounds healthy. I can't know for sure but I'm willing to bet those people don't stick with it. If I would have given up after let's say 3 months I'd be saying the same thing. That it wasn't working and I can't lose it. I don't know if it's a coincidence but my weight started to drop when I started drinking a lot more water.

[Jilld1314 in reply to shellgg]

I already drink a lot bc of a condition i have so i at least have that going for me. I just need to stay motivated and not let things get me down so easily. I had a really bad panic attack yesterday and it was horrible. Kind of woke me up. Maybe it was a good thing in retrospect. But it also scared the shit out of me too lol

[Tiredinky]

I’m sorry you are going through such a bad time. I truly wish I had great words of wisdom that would make you feel better. It’s good that you joined a gym. I don’t think any of us deserve a crappy life. You deserve to be happy. Depression and anxiety are awful. I guess I just wanted to let you know I understand

[Jilld1314 in reply to Tiredinky]

Tx. Just having a really bad day. Dont know why everything is hitting me at once

[Hidden]

Hi. This is just a phase you are going through. Better days will come. Prayer helps. Trust God

[Jilld1314]

I dunno why everything is just dumping on me today. I think it's a culmination of all the stress. I have way too much on my plate. Too much time on my hands. Cant find a job. Feel fat. Etc etc

[Loki1018]

What mood stabilizer were you on? Cause I’m on one now but I very new to being treating and diagnosed with depression biplane anxiety so I’m also new to the meds as well. I’m on lamictal and slowly made my way to 250 mg which I’m told this is where this is the minimal level of dosage that it really starts to work.

[Jilld1314 in reply to Loki1018]

I was on depakote which made me gain the weight. Doc didn't even care. I'd stay away from that one if you don't want to gain weight

[Justswimming]

Of course you care that's too much texting not to care...have you even looked at what modernized ect treatment would be like? Its not what it use to be. I've been on antidepressants for a long time and if my Dr suggested it I'd give it a shot to get off the meds. Depression sucks so do what you have to do..exercise, get enough sleep, no alcohol, ..you are worth it..you know that..unfortunately its a lot of trial and error.. I don't have insurance rt now and getting meds is expensive.. So if you have insurance count your blessings.. Do research before you dismiss a treatment option,...concentrate on what you can do..turn up the music ..go for a walk..help someone ..etc

[nmn1024]

My daughter ended up taking ect treatments because she was catatonic. She lives with me and what a difference it has made in her life. She started out doing it 3 times a week and is now down to once a month. Please don't dismiss this treatment I have seen what it does.

[Jilld1314 in reply to nmn1024]

I have horrible memories of my grandfather in the hospital back in the 80s and how terrible it was. I've spoken to many doctors and they say its not that great a treatment but I'm happy your daughter is feeling better.

[Windy101]

This is one of those times when you're going to have to be a bit of a soldier. You do have a job, which is doing things to feel better and looking for work. You can spruce up your resume, sign up for job services, volunteer, give yourself a makeover ...

My list would look like - organize papers and books, doublecheck due dates and appointments, make to-do list for every day (how I love crossing things off), start vitamins and extra Vitamin D due to time of year, go for a daily walk. Start nagging assignments. Straighten up apartment!

If I did these things, I would be a happier, much healthier lady. Want to make your own list and do it together?

Most of all, hang in there. This is a tough time, but it will pass. Everyone gets depressed looking for jobs and thinks nothing will ever get better. Just toss out lots of seeds and one of them will grow, you'll see. Hugs to you.

[Jilld1314]

Tx for the reply. My therapist is ok. She does her best but still building a rapport. She makes everything sound so easy. I have a great mom who listens but hard to find someone to relate to.

[Hidden]

You are trying new things and new things take time, be patient with yourself.

[Hidden]

You are worth it!! I feel we all suffer from something or in some way and its hard to understand. You arent meant to have a crappy life, just count the good things even if there arent very many right now. Things will get better, that's what i am telling myself. I am trying ro find treatment for severe depression .