;this post contains mentions of suicide
I’m separating/dehumanizing myself again, I spent my two years of trying to fit in/believe I found my community/trying to find “my people” and I wish I didn’t. I’ve stop doing that crap when I turned 21 but the feeling of loneliness and depressed didn’t go away.
I’ve always believed my sisters was my only friends but everyday they both are very busy with their lives, friends, and their boyfriends that they forgot that I exist.
I keep separating myself from everything what I am because I don’t to give all kinds of people who are similar to me a bad look and I don’t want to give every human being a hard time.
I don’t see myself having a bright future and have a miserable life, regretting wasting my youth for nothing. I wish I can go back to being a kid again than being young adult. I’m horrible at being an adult. Besides, I will not be a young adult anymore since I’m getting more closer to 25, I really hate this and I would be considered as a “wasted potential” to the world anymore. I’m already feel like I’m a wasted potential and I don’t want to feel more of it.
I don’t want to get old anyway. I don’t care if “this is only temporary”, “things will get better”, “life is beautiful”, “call 988 or go to emergency/any mental health services” or anything religious because I’m not religious, I’m sorry if that’s sound rude.
I wish I can have the choice to just die without anyone telling me some random reasons to be alive when my life is a living nightmare. It’s my choice to die and I can do whatever I want with my life. I’m separating myself from people with mental health issues/illnesses. I’m not considering myself as a human being anyway, I don’t care