separating myself again (warning)

[shyynoir]

;this post contains mentions of suicide

I’m separating/dehumanizing myself again, I spent my two years of trying to fit in/believe I found my community/trying to find “my people” and I wish I didn’t. I’ve stop doing that crap when I turned 21 but the feeling of loneliness and depressed didn’t go away.

I’ve always believed my sisters was my only friends but everyday they both are very busy with their lives, friends, and their boyfriends that they forgot that I exist.

I keep separating myself from everything what I am because I don’t to give all kinds of people who are similar to me a bad look and I don’t want to give every human being a hard time.

I don’t see myself having a bright future and have a miserable life, regretting wasting my youth for nothing. I wish I can go back to being a kid again than being young adult. I’m horrible at being an adult. Besides, I will not be a young adult anymore since I’m getting more closer to 25, I really hate this and I would be considered as a “wasted potential” to the world anymore. I’m already feel like I’m a wasted potential and I don’t want to feel more of it.

I don’t want to get old anyway. I don’t care if “this is only temporary”, “things will get better”, “life is beautiful”, “call 988 or go to emergency/any mental health services” or anything religious because I’m not religious, I’m sorry if that’s sound rude.

I wish I can have the choice to just die without anyone telling me some random reasons to be alive when my life is a living nightmare. It’s my choice to die and I can do whatever I want with my life. I’m separating myself from people with mental health issues/illnesses. I’m not considering myself as a human being anyway, I don’t care

[Shnookie]

your life is precious. There is an expression to save a life is as tho to save the world. I’m here 4 U. Hugs S

[bluesky85]

hi shyynoir,I can relate with you I don't want to get older and I missed my childhood

[Agora1]

You may "not care" shyynoir, however we do. The purpose of this community is to

give support to those who have lost faith in life itself. It can happen at any age but

when it happens to someone as young as you, it saddens me. You've only just begun

your life. At 22, you are hardly a wasted potential of society.

It's true that we all have choices in life but the choice to die wasn't what they were talking

about. The choices were about what path to take in life as we grow older. What people

to surround ourselves with that are not so negative.

Being a child may have had good or bad memories but in that phase of life it was about

not having choices or control.

Changes happen as we mature and gain more life experience. A woman can reach

her full potential in her 30's. Life happens when we least expect it. Surprises await

us around every corner whether we think it may or not.

Please don't short change yourself dear. The greatest of life can be waiting for you.

It's not the end but only the beginning of your intended journey.

It starts with believing in yourself. You are here for a reason. Our paths crossed for

a reason. Let's turn that corner together. I care xx

[Ellamaye in reply to Agora1]

What an amazing reply x and how nostalgic I feel after reading the post 😳 if only I had the 22 years again . I hope our older insights can help shyynoir to see she so worthy of a future. And struggles can be overcome 🙏

[Ellamaye]

Just commenting as someone twice your age that I would do things differently if only I could be your age again x I'm not invalidating the way you feel because that is real and it's the way you feel I only hope to tell you that you really don't have to have it all figured out yet x please see that you are still super young and it's not all over just yet x

[shyynoir in reply to Ellamaye]

Hello, if may I ask how would I do things differently?

Also, I wanted to say thank you for this comment and hopefully I’ll try to calm down and see that I still have potentials. Thank you again

[Ellamaye in reply to shyynoir]

Aw if I could tell you how you should do it differently I would. I can't do that sadly x but yes I hope the message was that you are still young enough to not worry that you have no do overs x there's actually no expiry date on second chances your just lucky enough to have youth on your side I really hope you can see that x