Feeling Lost

[Marnie1942]

I suffer with anxiety and depression. I have very little contact with our four children. I had a friend I met at an AA meeting twenty years ago. We have chatted almost every day for that time She has died. I feel numb. I feel so low, so depressed. I am on meds but I just feel as if I am drowning in a fog. I panic for no reason. I get anxious if the tiniest little thing is not how it should be. I care for my seventy five year old husband who has dementia. Can't get doctors app for over three weeks and my social worker can't help me. I just do not know what to do. I am scared to go in the bathroom. I don't know why. I just want to leave this world. No one would miss me particularly. I want to go

[lilsaddude]

I hate posts like this because I want to help but im not sure what to say. I feel for you. people would miss you whether you realize it or not.

[Lostjoy]

Hi Marnie1942, I feel your pain. I am feeling very alone today. I hardly ever hear from my 3 children either. I'm so sorry you lost your friend. I wish so much to find a friend who lives close to me to chat with. I can't imagine finding one, and then having to lose her.

Do yo know why you can't go in the bathroom? Is it a fear of something?

I know about the health system as well. Not sure where you are but I am in the US. I can't get mental health help through insurance. I did seek help at first, but had to pay out of pocket. It didn't seem to help me much. I don't have the funds to keep searching for what may or may not be right for me.

I'm here if you want to chat.

[Marnie1942 in reply to Lostjoy]

Unfortunately my friend only lived close to me for one year. They moved to USA for many years before coming back to UK and moving to the other end of the country but no matter what I phoned her every day and we would put the world to rights and she had the ability to calm me down completely. I appreciate your reply. Somebody feels I am worth talking to. I am up at two am as my husband has woken up and decided it is morning and wants coffee. I find these wake ups in the night extremely tiring and I suffer tomorrow. I go to a motivation group on Tuesdays but haven't been for two weeks. I don't know if I will go tomorrow. I suffer social anxiety and going to Mind has helped a bit but I feel i am going in reverse.

[peaceout]

I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. I know what a great loss that can be for someone in our situation. I also lack friends but am fortunate enough to have a loving and supportive family. Because we lack friends does not mean that we are not worthwhile. Tending to an ailing spouse can be debilitating for the caregiver, but it is also a role of importance. I'm sure that in your husband's lucid moments, he appreciates you for the care that you give him to insure his quality of life. Later, you will not be disappointed or regret the immense amount of time and energy you have put into his care. I was in a similar situation and I truly admire your perserverence. You are indeed worthwhile and important in the scheme of life inside AND outside your home. Many in your same situation can learn much from your experience.

Your motivational group would be a good venue to share.

I don't know much about healthcare in the UK, but I would hope that there is government-sponsored Respite Care. Please inquire. If not, maybe a non-profit organization or church group offering this service can be found. A few hours of reprieve here and there can do wonders for a caregiver.

lamok64 replied and kindly offered to chat. Take her up on that offer. Kind words from one who understands, even in messages, can give much needed support and even friendship. If there is no other means to procure an appt. with a Dr. ask your social worker if there may be a therapy group, somewhat like AA, available until your appt. date.

I apologize for the long reply; I'm somewhat long-winded and your situation touched me deeply. Come here often and post; people care, understand and support here. My hope is you find the support and friendship you need . . . I wish you peace.

[Marnie1942 in reply to peaceout]

Thank you. I will not put my husband in respite. It is his one dread. I do get a carer for two hours to go to my motivation group and another two hours to go where I want. Visit friends (I wish I had one) I have been sitting in my garden enjoying the summer but I don't think I will be sitting out again this year.x

[peaceout in reply to Marnie1942]

I'm sorry, I did not mean that you should have your husband put into a care facility. In the U.S. , Respite Care provides a few hours in-home care so that the caregiver can have time for themselves, like you have available to you now. I'm glad that you have time for a reprieve. Maybe there's a chance that you can find friends within your Motivational Group. I hope you'll sit in the garden again next summer . . . peace.

[Marnie1942 in reply to peaceout]

Thank you. I realise it is different in USA also a lot more expensive for even minimal medical problems. My group today was good. They all tried to lift my spirits. I do not know how to make a friend at group. They all seem to have their friends who they meet for coffee and with my social anxiety I haven't got the know how to become a friend. X

[peaceout in reply to Marnie1942]

I'm so glad you had a good group session today! I was caregiver to both my parents in their time of need. Fortunately for them, their life insurance covered their expenses. Friends will come with time and familiarity. Take your time and, if you can muster it, make a little eye-contact and give a little smile Only good can come of that . . . peace to you.

[Windy101]

I feel for you. My dad died with Alzheimers last September. It was a terrible loss, yet we all felt we'd lost him much sooner that that. It's an awful. cruel illness for everyone it touches.

I'm glad your group is going well. Have you thought of looking for one specifically for social anxiety that you can also attend? I recognize that would be very hard.

I wish you all the best and am so glad you came here. Please feel part of the group and stick around if you want to.