Depressed most of my life. Anhedonia and exhaustion for a decade. Motivation has been decreasing over years to the point where i have zero. Have fibromyalgia and chronic pain from severe car accident. I was scared to take narcotics. After 3 years, I finally went to a pain dr. Started Percocet. Within a month, I was feeling so much better I started doing long term temporary work. Eventually I got a job in my field for 6 months. Had to quit. Long traumatic story...I had to sell my house before it got foreclosed on. Had to move out of state. Living in mom's basement. Now with this opioid epidemic, no one will prescribe percocet. I understand the issues, but I also know that I am not a productive member of society without pain meds. I take high dose ibuprofen but the pain is so bad I also take high dose naproxen and excedrin migraine. I do stretches, and physical therapy exercises. I meditate 3 to 4 times a week. I have tried antidepressants and sezure meds that are supposed to help with pain. They don't work, or they have stopped working. I get minor relief with muscle relaxants, but drs are afraid to prescribe the ones that work best, because they can be addictive. I have no insurance. I dont see that changing unless i can get my pain under control and go back to work, so i can have insurance. I have been scammed by so many doctors who agree to see me for $500-$750, and then won't prescribe pain meds unless I pay big money for procedures that didn't work in the past. I don't need a third facet injection to figure out that facet injections don't work. I never took more than 4 percocet a day. As prescribed. I understand the heroin crisis much better now. Some days my pain is so bad, I think why not try it? It's cheaper. It will definitely work. I won't have to be lectured about how I'm a drug seeker and addict. I don't try it, because duh...but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. So the physical pain sucks. The mental pain sucks. The judgments suck. My life sucks. I suck. I'm so so sorry for anyone who read this all the way through. Very sorry. No replies needed.