WARNING: pity party for me, and I think I might need a pain management support group as well

Depressed most of my life. Anhedonia and exhaustion for a decade. Motivation has been decreasing over years to the point where i have zero. Have fibromyalgia and chronic pain from severe car accident. I was scared to take narcotics. After 3 years, I finally went to a pain dr. Started Percocet. Within a month, I was feeling so much better I started doing long term temporary work. Eventually I got a job in my field for 6 months. Had to quit. Long traumatic story...I had to sell my house before it got foreclosed on. Had to move out of state. Living in mom's basement. Now with this opioid epidemic, no one will prescribe percocet. I understand the issues, but I also know that I am not a productive member of society without pain meds. I take high dose ibuprofen but the pain is so bad I also take high dose naproxen and excedrin migraine. I do stretches, and physical therapy exercises. I meditate 3 to 4 times a week. I have tried antidepressants and sezure meds that are supposed to help with pain. They don't work, or they have stopped working. I get minor relief with muscle relaxants, but drs are afraid to prescribe the ones that work best, because they can be addictive. I have no insurance. I dont see that changing unless i can get my pain under control and go back to work, so i can have insurance. I have been scammed by so many doctors who agree to see me for $500-$750, and then won't prescribe pain meds unless I pay big money for procedures that didn't work in the past. I don't need a third facet injection to figure out that facet injections don't work. I never took more than 4 percocet a day. As prescribed. I understand the heroin crisis much better now. Some days my pain is so bad, I think why not try it? It's cheaper. It will definitely work. I won't have to be lectured about how I'm a drug seeker and addict. I don't try it, because duh...but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. So the physical pain sucks. The mental pain sucks. The judgments suck. My life sucks. I suck. I'm so so sorry for anyone who read this all the way through. Very sorry. No replies needed.

7 Replies

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  • I hardly think that someone who has med problems and had a car accident is having a pity party. Sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine this.

  • Thank you so much for your kind response

  • You are welcome. You are also a roll model in my eyes because you keep going through the tough times.

  • Many hospitals, especially teaching hospitals have free clinics. Perhaps try one of these.

  • Thanks for the suggestion. I have tried to do some drug trials, but my psych meds rule me out. There are 2 universities nearby. Thanks!

  • I also deal with chronic pain and depression. I can't even motivate to do exercises, though I know they help. I also couldn't function without opiates - I was on methadone for 14 years, during which time I worked more than fulltime and raised my three grandchildren. I was in pain most of the time despite the heavy pain meds. Eventually the agonizing pain got to be too much. I got on SS Disability after not working for 2 years. With disability I got on Medicare. I also qualify for Medicaid. A few months ago I finally weaned off the opiates. I was surprised that my baseline pain didn't increase much at all. But if I do much of anything the pain gets bad, really bad.

    So yeah, everything sucks. I totally understand. It's not a great way to live. It's not s pity party to be honest about it, especially in this forum. There is also a forum for chronic pain on healthunlocked. It's helpful. Know you're not alone. Venting seems to help. Disability coverage also helps. At least I can pay a puny rent and feed myself and my pets. A dog helps cuz I gotta get up to walk her, get up to feed her. Plus she's good company. A purring cat on my chest is soothing. I am working on finding gratitude in these small things. I don't have any grand advice, but your tenacity is clear. Be kind to yourself. Your situation sucks, but YOU don't!

  • I know your pain I have my good days and my bad days a lot of my anxiety attacks I thought were heart attacks in the beginning because of the physical symptoms I was always having (heart pounding, dizzy, impending doom feeling, breathing difficulty) but after years of having them and talking to doctors and therapists I realize now when I have them they are just anxiety attacks but they can be very scary for sure if you don't know what it is in the beginning. I hate taking RX meds too so it's a double edge sword, I feel like I trade one problem for another when I take the pills the doctors give me and all the side effects that come with them. To be honest I have been using medical marijuana for the last few years and I feel it really helps me and doesn't have near as many bad side effects. I know it might sound crazy but look into it and try a sativa strain it really helps with mood, anxiety and depression and Indica strain is really good for pain. But use a low does if you never tried it before

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