Very experienced newbie

Hi all. I'm 60 and I've been dealing with major depressive disorder and anxiety since I was in my teens. In and out of counseling, on and off various meds. Really struggling today, which brought me here. I need to rebuild a support network. Find a new doc to help with meds. Maybe counseling again. I'm in the US and my health insurance won't cover any of it. Cost is a big issue because I don't qualify for public benefits. Feeling really caught in the drain funnel. Couldn't get out of the house today to go to work. I know what I need to do to feel better. I just don't understand why I can't make myself do it.

45 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I know how hard it is, I'm in my 50's and have been having depressive/anxiety episodes since my 20's. I've always had anxiety but once depression joined it I started taking medication. You're a veteran. You know what you need to do. Put yourself on autopilot and do it. Find a doctor and get your meds adjusted. Exercise. Vitamins. Sleep. And somebody to talk to. It sucks but you will get through it.

  • Good morning. I'm desperate for a depression suppprt group and am glad to find you on-line. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. The only difference is, I finally committed to taking meds a couple years ago. The only reason I'm on meds is because of ACA, which looks like it's being repealed as we speak. That fact alone is really weighing on my mind today.

    Over the past 25 years of my work life, I've had many, many days when I called in sick because I couldn't bring myself to go in. I know how that goes. I usually stayed home, pulled out a new pad of paper and sat with pen poised praying for some sort of divine intervention that would help me create a plan to pull myself together. Most of these brainstorming sessions, came up with ideas, but I seldom carried them out. And, like you, I can't figure out why.

    Gratitude journals, bucket lists, vision boards, incentive scrapbooks, self help books, Joel Osteen... I've run the gamut. They only help to a point. I guess because of the meds, I can pull myself out of the rut, but just enough to not want to die. But, it's very short lived & the process starts all over.

    I'm sitting with a pad of paper right now. And looking for a support group is what I came up with.

    I do feel better having found you and this website.

    Hoping your day gets a little brighter too!

  • Sending you a big hug! I struggle like you and have good and bad days. I've been on Prozac for years and think it helps, but sometime I wonder if it is helping. I wish you lived close to me and we could get together for walks and talks.

    So maybe we can motivate each other to feel better. Exercise definitely helps! I work out with a trainer twice a week, wish I could afford more, but it's expensive. I go for long walks with my dog...being outside helps.

    But I often feel overwhelmed by daily chores and feel inadequate a lot of the time.

    Has anyone tried Sam e supplements? Do any Meds work?

  • I've tried several different meds. I've had issues with constant crying jags. Have been helped most with Effexor. It curbs getting over emotional. Which is actually a big help.

    I was hoping going on meds would be a clear path to blissful happiness. No such thing exists. I still had to learn how to handle some pretty dark moods. It sucks but I'm better than I was.

    I haven't tried Sam e. I have up on supplements a while ago. When I was having the shakes while on St. John's Wort.

  • Thank you! I used to have this wonderful doctor. He was a GP but he had a special interest in helping people with depression and anxiety, and he studied a lot about various pharmaceuticals. He was great, and then he moved away. My experience has been that the effectiveness of the meds doesn't last forever. Right now I'm taking Effexor and Wellbutrin. It keeps me from going over the edge, I think, but the doc says that's all she can think of doing. Thank God for dogs!

  • This go round, I started with Effexor but after about 4 years on it, I had a big meltdown. So, my GP added Wellbutrin. I have a friend that is had to try new meds every 3-4 years. None of them last forever. We'll always have to be in maintenance mode.

  • I just started Wellbutrin, supposed to take 2 tabs a day. Only been on them 4 days but feel sick if I take 2. Dr. said to take venlaflexin with it. I'm afraid to do so.

  • I had big difficulty several years ago with Wellbutrin alone. So my doc switched me to something else, I can't remember now. Eventually I was switched to venlafaxine, but started getting up to maximum dose. So she added Wellbutrin in a small dose. I was really worried at first but overall it keeps me fairly steady - except for reset days like yesterday. Those happen when the rest of my life becomes too stressful and I'm not taking care of myself.

  • Venlaflexin is Effexor. I'm on the Effexor/ Wellbutrin combo. My dr explained that they work on different parts of your brain chemistry. Why are you afraid to take the Effexor?

  • Hi! It was the Wellbutrin that scared me, because of the experience I'd had several years previously. But it's been ok with the Effexor. I'm just not where I'd like to be.

  • Me neither. I was hoping I would never have a negative thought ever again. Truly, that's what I want. Don't think there is a med short of narcotics that would do that. And the last thing I need is a drug addiction problem with everything else.

  • Omg! I'm fat and depressed too. 😡

  • I'm sorry it took me so long to respond,I've been battling the flu the past couple days.

    Sounds like we're kindred spirits. I'm 46 and can't get passed my weight issues. Especially, when it comes to men. I'm gonna die alone if I can't turn this around.

  • I'm just so tired of feeling sick all the time. Forgotten what "normal" feels like.

  • I hear ya. There's got to be light at the end of the tunnel.

  • I've been going through a period of journaling, vision boards, self-help books, etc., etc. You're right, it's very short lived. Even though I know better, there's always this voice in me that says if I just find the right book, or the right this or that, I will be immediately cured. I guess this really is lack of acceptance of the illness - that there is some magical thing I should be able to do to "fix" myself. Thanks for your post. I did get out to exercise and that helped. Glad you found the website too!

  • You have no idea how I can relate! Brings me to tears knowing I'm not alone in this.

  • It does help being able to chat with people suffering from similar ailments.

  • Hi, please put me in your support group as we are similar. I am 61, and my story has many similarities. You sound very intelligent and I would like to stay in touch. Hope your having a better day- one day at a time.

  • Hi welcome! i probably shouldn't be surprised so many of us are experiencing the same thing. But, I kind of am. Maybe it's more the the fact that I feel sad that such problems exist period. Some things are just hard to accept. The bright side is, we all have each other now.

    I've got an issue maybe you all can help me with. I started substitute teaching thinking teaching was something I've wanted to do for years. Between the crazy things I see on the news and the really bad training, it took me a few weeks to take a teaching job. It was as teachers aide sub for a 1st grade exeptional ed class. I took it because I knew I wouldn't be alone in the classroom. The problem is the teacher aide subs make less and there are far fewer subs needed for those classes. The bigger problem is that I am scared stiff to accept a class as the teacher. I accepted one last week and backed out. I'm terrified to even try. I don't know how to get passed this fear.

  • What r u afraid of?

  • When I took the Wellbutrin alone my anxiety went off the charts. Panic attacks on steroids. Couldn't get out of the house, couldn't think, could hardly talk. It was the worst. NEVER want to go through that again. Yikes!

  • Oh wow! That sounds pretty severe. I've never heard of anyone reacting like that to it. Yeah, I'd stay away from it too.sounds like you're better off without it.

  • lol I just realized you weren't asking me that question. Duh.... 🙃

  • It's ok! It's really hard to follow this timeline. There's got to be an easier way.

  • The only thing that has ever helped me get over fear is to do the thing I'm most afraid of. And 100% of the time when I face the fear head on those awful things I thought would happen don't. I do deep rhythmic breathing and meditation to help with the physical symptoms of fear, which usually abate once I get started.

  • I hope that you'll soon be able to realize all the items on your bucket list!

  • I just took 3 vacation days off work, I was so stressed that I was crying nonstop. Couldn't get it together.

  • I'm so sorry. I really need my days so I can reset. That's how I've decided to look at it. Sometimes my illness requires me to reset. It might take one day or many, but if I focus on the fact that what I have is an illness like a heart condition or diabetes, I always get to the other side of it. Like any illness, there are things we just have to do to take care of ourselves. I hope you have resources to help yourself get reset. If not, you can always reach out here.

  • You're in the thick of it and it's sucks. But you reached out and that's important, it's a big baby step. How can we help? Can you identify why you feel this way? Are you telling yourself things about yourself that aren't true? That's a huge issue for me and can be paralyzing. It takes me days sometimes to realize that's what I'm doing and longer to turn that thinking around. I'm in the middle of "phase 2" right now with the substitute teaching issue I wrote about earlier. I can't convince myself that things aren't as bad as I think. In the end, I'm afraid someone will get hurt on my watch. It just hit me as I wrote that, that if someone were to get hurt, I would consider that a huge failure. And lately failure has been an ongoing issue with me. Huh, I'm gonna have to think about that.

    But, about you, how can we help?

  • Hi I am telling EVERYONE this that GOD IS THE ANSWER ! :)

    Its getting me into trouble BUT never the less; I FEEL COMPELLED !

    draw close to him and he will draw close to you :) in the end only HE remains TRUE to us :)

  • For those who believe, God can help by directing people to the treatment they so desperately need. For those who don't believe, help is still available through the exact same resources available to those who believe. Certainly, I know God would feel very sad if your comments were misinterpreted by those who don't believe to mean that God is the only pathway to help, because that absolutely is not true. I am a recovering alcoholic and I found a God AFTER I received help. I know God was very happy that I didn't wait until I found God before getting that help. I wouldn't be here today if that had happened.

  • Yes I Know; and thats what i'm saying along-side help from GP and this site etc-do this 1st and then in the END ( and most people always wait till the end ) GOD is all that is left !

    Of course GOD made medical staff etc and other helpers BUT people on here have tried all of that and now I feel compelled to tell EVERYONE GOD is now STIL waiting.

    HE says come to me 1st then ask seek knock and the door will be opened to you-HE should be our 1st port of call !

    I am too a recovering Alcoholic but I turned to him for strength first and all else swiftly followed-it only took me 2 days to quit the habbit !

    All The Best :)

  • I think God is probably a big part of healing. And I think He has been drawing me to Him for years. If find turning to Him doesn't seem to be enough.

    I just typed out a long rant about where I am with God... and deleted it. Basically, I have a really screwy circular logic when it comes to God. And it's a problem. I've been working on it but growth is moving at a crawl.

  • I understand completely. There are only so many things we can work on at the same time! Somehow I think God is there for you and within you even when you don't know it.

  • I hope so. I'm trying to convince myself.

  • Have you ever been to alpha; you can ask any question there and no one will get miffed-like wise, I wont get miffed.

    I love peoples questions and all the many points of view are thought provoking and a breath of fresh air.

    I havnt got blind faith because of all the many prayers that have been answered and the speacial things that have happened to me. :)

    PS you should have sent the long rant :) bet it was interesting :)

  • Lol! Most people get frustrated with me when we discuss God. Eventually, I confuse myself and need a nap. Lol!

  • Is that a yes then-you had a desgussion at a alpha ?

    if its the general public I usually dont say anything unless I am asked-general public are only usually interested in mysticism and things that go bump -in-the -night BUT, cant believe in God - wierd are what ? LOL and LOL :)

  • Does your community have any mental health networks? We have some in ours that work on a sliding scale for fees and meds. Also check around with different pharmacies for the cost of meds, you'd be surprised how much some pharmacies charge!!

  • I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling this way. I understand because I've often felt the same way too. There is no "one size fits all" solution. Sometimes it's a combination of things. I belong to a support group and I'm not supposed to mention any other affiliations to the group. Remember that you're not alone.

  • Hi, we are very similar. I'm 61, and have been challenged and suffering most of my life. I need a job and am also struggling with substance abuse. Today I am trying again without pills. I feel sick and my mind and body don't want to do anything. I have severe General Anxiety Disorder and have need on meds for long time. Anyhow, you are not alone and feel free to communicate as we are the same age. I am home in bed. I do find that talking to someone similar who knows the pain is helpful.

  • Maybe you need doctor's supervision to step down?

  • I am hearing that some posting don't know why they are feeling depressed or anxious. The reason is that neurological function is causing brain chemistry to create such feelings. The anti meds adjust the uptake of the chemistry to change feelings. From my understanding an ongoing disorder of depression / anxiety is based on this issue. This is totally different from mood changes that are caused by an event. So when you feel depressed you probably won't have a reason. Not to say that triggers don't exist for those who are controlling their disorder. I find that anxiety has more triggers than depression. I do all I can to avoid triggers which can be events or people.

  • God bless you and give you peace. I am 55 and going through a bout of anxiety/depression. I have been on a SSRI for 5 weeks and it is starting to have a more positive effect now... but still there are rough days. I truly wish that all the good people here have relief from these mood disorders... I just qualified for a self-study group called Bounce Back put on by the Canadian Mental Health Association... I will receive workbooks and have telephone contact with a Councillor every couple of weeks. I pray there are accessible programs for you.

You may also like...