i hate feeling this way

[CLB1125]

it’s been a bad day, a sad day, a why am I even here day. I was there in my sisters darkest hours, but now she chooses to be with our sister in law. I was there when my niece needed support now she doesn’t know I exist until she needs me again. My daughter is so busy with her life she forgot my number. Told me you know where I am if you need me. I don’t have a life. I hurt and I’m tired. I miss my mom and dad. Tell me God, why am I still here?

[Starrlight]

(((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Starrlight]

It helped me… I’m sick and just laying down for two days so far just very blah and I cried for no reason ha!

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Hugs xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

[Agora1]

CLB I feel your pain. Sending my thoughts to you xx

[CLB1125]

Ive been struggling with this damned headache for weeks now. I finally figured out it’s sinus infection. I wasn’t going into the doctor. Found some antibiotics from the last time. It’s slowly getting better but the pain in my head is unreal!its true your physical health contributes to your mental health.

[Betterdays0]

💞

[catmousefish]

I know, it hurts when kids move out, it hurts when others choose to visit the other "Mom and Dad" from the other side of the family and being alone during the holidays. My parents and Sister have passed away and there is no touch stone for me to remember things growing up. I turn things over to G-d, it helps. (big hug)

[CLB1125 in reply to catmousefish]

I admire people who have God to turn to. I honestly truly do. After my daughter lost both her boys from miscarriages I have lost my faith. I believe in God/a higher power, but that’s all right now. Maybe in time I’ll get back to where I was before but right now I don’t even have that.😔

[catmousefish in reply to CLB1125]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand, you have gone numb. But G-d is still there next to you. May things get better.

[CLB1125 in reply to catmousefish]

Thank you. In time . It might have been easier if she was to have a healthy little one but that will never be. It’s so unfair. It’s all she ever talked about growing up. Now she goes through the motions and I can’t do anything about it. Mom’s are supposed to fix things. I feel so helpless.

[Nunners01]

HiI'm.in the same boat really at rock bottom with my mental health . Suffering from worst breakdown I could imagine . But we need to remember that this will pass .

Reach out to whoever will give you time for support and remember tiny goals that can be achieved are important. For me today that means showering and getting dressed. But I'll show gratitude fir that later in my journal

[CLB1125 in reply to Nunners01]

I only have myself it seems. My husband is indifferent to my illnesses. So I don’t expect anything from him anymore. If I’m not on my hands and knees screaming in pain he doesn’t pay attention. I don’t blame him. Forty years is a long time to watch someone be sick. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy my niece found someone to be with but we messaged each other every day, hi what you doing today? Now nothing. That hurts. I messaged her one morning and her response was, at franks ttyl. I wont reach out to anyone anymore. It is what it is.

[Georgejetson]

None of us know why we are here. Try to stay out of the loop of self pity / anger/ resentment. I have been there and know it is easier said than done. I finally realized how much I hated feeling that way and decided to banish it. Work on it day after day after day. You can get there. It takes a long time to alter your neurotransmitters and change neural pathways. It doesn’t happen if you don’t try and try again and again. Be patient with yourself. Live in the moment.

[CLB1125 in reply to Georgejetson]

I know it’s counterproductive and you’re right very easy to fall into. It’s been a bad couple of weeks. Pain makes me weak. I willl get back, just needed to vent I guess

[Georgejetson in reply to CLB1125]

Venting is great and you have a community of friends to unload on. I think this is Marvie. Just don’t ever think you are alone. There are millions of us out here dealing with much of the same shit.